Sweet Escape - Troyler AU
by chkoh85
Summary: Love is stronger than time. Tyler and Troye are destined to always find their way back to each other, no matter what curve ball life throws at them. They were fifteen when they first met. They started of as friends, then boyfriends and hopefully they will be husbands. But sometimes life is cruel to those unsuspecting hopeful people. Life is a test.
1. Prologue

"Troye", I muttered into the phone.

 _"Yeah, babe?"_ He spoke lazily like how he always does, lying comfortably on his hotel bed when we would always bathe in each others voices, saying loving things like how we misses feeling the warmth of the others' body on our own.

I can feel my heart started to beat faster, as though trying to chase away the words that would destroy him and in return destroying me. Warm tears started to swim around the rim of my eyes but I am determined to keep them at bay before I tell him the thoughts that have been haunting my mind. I knew this would change everything that we have. It would change the life that we have carefully weaved with love, strengths and tears. So much tears.

"I can't do this anymore." I said with all the effort in me to keep my voice as calm as possible, as smooth as I can, hoping it will hurt less for the both of us. The silence that followed a gasp on the other side of the line was truly deafening. I can almost hear the hushed sounds of people walking on the hotel corridor outside of his room but I quickly realized that I am only hearing my own heart clenching, beating rapidly on a crazy but steady pace, all the while tilting my head up, refusing to let the tears fall.

 _"N-no, Ty. No.. Please talk to me."_ He pleaded, knowing that I would not have said what I said just to get a rise out of him. _"We-we've gone through so much together, what's changed? Why now?"_ He choked a little, tears were evident in his voice.

"You know why, Troye. It hurts.. It always hurts and.. there's nothing we can do about it."

 _"THAT'S NOT TRUE, TYLER!"_ He paused, giving a second to compose himself before continuing. " _We've been through this, Ty.. Just hang on to Cape Town for a little longer, okay? We're gonna reach it, I promise!"_

I opened my eyes upon hearing Cape Town, not even remembering when I have them closed. _Oh, Cape Town._ Such a sweet promise that I wish I could just stretch out my arms to reach for it, that I wish I had the courage to stay on the path that Troye and I have constructed over the years. Ten years of stolen kisses, secret commitments and sweet reunions. Ten long years filled with bittersweet moments between us. They have always been enough. They have always kept me sane. Ironically, they have been enough to carry me through the biggest hurdle of my painful past but I have started to feel that they were not enough to keep me going for this. The distance, the lonely nights, the feeling of so near yet so far, and the pillow tears had become too much to bear. I know that this change that I am about to force him to accept is not fair for Troye. He had sacrificed so much, done everything that I asked of him just to make me happy. I hate myself for not being strong enough to fight through this pain for him, to chase away my inner demon for him and I only have myself to blame. But I am so, _so_ tired of feeling this way. I wish I could continue to stay strong for both our sake but I am drowning and I need to cut off the anchor and let myself come up to the surface, to breathe.

"I'm sorry, Troye."

 _"Please, Tilly, please.. I heart you.."_ Those were the last words that was heard before I press the end button, finally letting my tears slip down my cheeks. _I heart you too_.

 _ **A/N:**_

 _ **Hello guys! Thank you for reading my first story, ever. This story arch will mainly be about relationships and a touch of friendship and family drama. I already have the whole plot lined up and I know this is just a Prologue but I am currently working to finish up this story. So in the meantime I just want to put this out here first. I will most probably post the complete story once I finish. Or if you happened to chance upon the Prologue and decided that you liked it, let me know and I will try to update some chapters while I finish the rest. (This is not a bait, I promise!)**_

 _ **And uhm.. fair warning. I'm a very, very noob writer so if you have any opinions or comments, please feel free to leave them. I welcome all form of interactions (Oh no I hope I'm not inviting trouble) Always a bonus for writer to know their stories are appreciated. So, thank you again to those of you are still reading this. Annnnnnnnd *abrupt end***_

 _ **Cheers!**_

 _ **Chin**_


	2. TYLER POV Chapter 1 - Hello

"Late again I see, Mr Mellet, Mr Oakley?" I heard Mrs Hastings said to us with her abnormally sweet voice just as we stepped into the auditorium, both of us panting because we were rushing to get here after being held up in English class for more than thirty minutes. I took a few deep breaths as we strolled down the auditorium stairs, with my hand wiping away the dampness that formed on my forehead and the back of my neck. This must be the most workout I'm in since like forever. "I'm sorry Mrs Hastings, I promise it won't happen again. We were just held up by Mr O'Connell to carry the English papers to his car."

"Yeah, sorry Mrs H. You gotta forgive Tyler here for being such a sloth. He's quite a little guy with extremely short legs. So it's understandable if he's taking as much time as he did to get here."

That comment had earned Troye an elbow to the rib and a playful shove before I walked over to stand in position on the first row, proving his point about my height.

"Oh, like you're so giant! And don't say I call you out on it, but you're clearly behind me just now." I teased back with little ammunition. Troye chuckled only loud enough for me to hear and wink subtly at me before making a beeline to the back of the row. The truth is, Troye has grown quite a bit since we first met. When he had transfered from Perth three years ago with his family, he was almost the same height as me and he has the cutest chubby cheeks which was quite to contrast to his features now. Today, he was looming tall at about 5' 8" and his baby fats had slowly melted away and revealed his unbelievably sharp jawline which can easily cut through glass. No, I'm exaggerating but you get what I mean.

"If you two would be so kind to quiet down and let us start our practice?" Mrs Hasting quickly intercepted our teasing and that had effectively halted any rebuts from Troye and I am grateful for it. Mrs Hastings then lifted her hand and close her fingers into a fist in the air like she always did before the start of our practice, ceasing all noises in the room at once and signaled for the band to start the melody.

Choir practice has been one of a few things that we truly looked forward to each day. When we first met during freshman year, it was during the registration of after school activity. I remembered sitting in the booth sweating like a pig under the hot afternoon and I was about to get up and grab something cool to drink. But just as I was about too, a dark shadow that was casted in front of me made me looked up from where I'm sitting. He was standing in front of me across from the table, shooting me a very goofy grin with his two pearly white front teeth showing. I was half expecting him to open his mouth and talk in a squeaky cartoon-ish voice. Maybe something like, _Eeee, wassup Doc?_ Or something. Apparently no, that didn't happen. In fact he sounded just how a 15 years old boy should sound like at the time.

"Hurry the fuck up Tyler! I'm so hungry I could eat ten of you!" Troye shouted from the passenger door of my car, snapping me out of my day dreaming. I must have been in autopilot mode once we finished our practice because we were now standing in the middle of the school parking lot, already at my car with the presence of a very annoying Australian boy on the other side of the car.

"Will you shut up and stop making lame reference about my smallness? I know you're so tall and lanky and whatever other adjectives that could describe your monstrous height but you know what? You always looked like you're gonna break your neck everytime you drank from the bubler. I'm seriously worried about your overall health." I retorted back before getting into the driver seat and starting the car. I heard Troye's laugh muffled by an unexpected snort, almost sounded like he choked on his own saliva before getting in the car a second later and threw his backpack to the backseat without looking.

"At least I don't have to step onto my tippy toes to reach it!"

Ladies and gentleman, meet the boy who will not stop his teasing for the sake of my fragile self-confidence. _Ever._

I gave him a dramatic gasp, "How rude! Remind me why do I put up with you again?"

"Aww, Tilly, that's because you wouldn't want me any other way. Admit it, I am _that_ awesome!" He winked at the end of his sentence, trying to strengthen his point. As if he needed any reaffirmation for that.

I blushed a little upon hearing the nickname that was reserved specifically for him. The truth was that what he said was right. Ever since we've met, we have been bickering back and forth, engaged in harmless teasing and blurting out cheeky and sometimes brutal honesty to each other. So when I broke out of my own trance thinking about his cartoon front teeth that day, he began introducing himself and mentioned that he just transfered here from Perth due to his dad's diplomacy duties.

One would think that being the diplomat's son would resulted him being socially awkward but that was definitely not the case, as I found out quite quickly. We started to chat up a storm discussing everything music, from Mozarts to pop cultures. Well, mostly pop cultures. He explained that it was his love for music that made him feel very much at home regardless of which part of the world he was in. I would imagine so. Being exposed to so many cultures since he was a toddler must have enriched his character as a person but on the other hand it must have also been quite lonely to be constantly on the travel. I would think that music would be the tool for him that managed to tie and string up all of his memories as a nomad.

 _*flashback*_

 _He bent his body forward a little towards the registration table, scribbling down his name on the piece of paper that I passed to him. I was hynotized by his delicate features as I trailed the outline of his face, starting from his curly fringe that was dangling over his forehead, to his sharp nose down to his full pouty lips. Then I flicked my eyes back to his rosy cheeks and before I can stop myself, out of nowhere my index finger started poking at his then chubby cheeks, like a natural instinct to try to wipe off the light freckles that are staining the ivory skin on his cheek bones. His round, blue eyes followed the action of my finger, bouncing off his left cheek, still poking on the more prominent mark_.

 _"I got that in the Amazon when I was 10. A leech the size of a German sausage sucked out almost half of my blood through here. It was horrible!" He said dramatic tone while pointing to the darker mark that my finger was at a moment ago, all the while trying to maintain a serious face._

 _"Oh my God, Eww! And come on Troye, German sausage, really? That's the best you can come up with?" I attempted to say something sassy to cover up my awkwardness once I realized my previous action. I was mostly a little taken aback when he started to look at me sheepishly like he knew something about me secretly._ _And also, it's pretty hard for me to decipher what he said with his weird accent. The curse of travelling too much probably._

 _He grinned and said, "Hey, shouldn't the first normal response upon hearing my horrifying, tragic story is to ask if I am okay? Besides, you're the one who has been poking at my face like you're trying to scrape oysters off of rocks."_

 _I saw that his lips were stretched into a thin line while he was trying hard to keep himself from laughing. And that in turned made me forget about the awkwardness that I'm in just moment ago and_ _burst out laughing at the silliness of the whole encounter. He soon joined in._

 _*flashback ends*_

That was how we broke the ice on that one sunny afternoon almost three years ago. Ever since that day, we have been friends and we can talk about anything and everything under the sun. Of course, we argue and teases one another ever so often but I mean, which best friends don't? But honestly, I would be the one to give him to most of his whims in the end because he's very persuasive. That, and also he has a natural charming aura that would make anybody feel at ease with him and fall to his feet within the first minute being in his presence. So, there. My best friend since we're 15 years old, Troye Sivan Mellet from Perth.


	3. Chapter 2 - Imperfections

Driving in the car with Troye in it, you can say it's pretty annoying because one, he was quite loud with his constant babbling and singing candidly to the songs that were playing from my iPod. And two, in the midst of his karaoke session, he's full of gestures and hands are flailing everywhere, and distractingly enough, touching me at the most random times; a poke in the rib, a carress on the thigh and a pinch of the cheek, he's just living for it. Thankfully for the short distance and the familiarity of our destination, after ten minutes of driving, we arrived at Grandma Oakley's Diner to grab our late lunch like we always did on school days. We quickly scurried off to our usual booth at the back of the diner just beside the entrance of the kitchen. While Troye was seated at his usual spot, I quickly made a trip towards the kitchen, pushing on one side of the spring door and poking my head out to greet my mom.

"Hey, mom! The usual, please?" She looked over my floating head at the door when she heard my high pitched voice over the clatters of pots and pans before she replied. "Oh hey, good news, honey. The fresh batch of beets just arrived. Will Troye be wanting any on his Grandma's Special?"

"Oh mom, you should know by now he would try anything at least twice! He seemed to like it the first time around."

Yes, I live by that quote my whole life. There's a very dominant consciousness that was always present that dictated me throughout my whole life and it always tells me that I need to bestow my foremost important life lesson to the people that I cared for in order to help them to function properly in their _mundane_ lives. So it without saying, my life lessons must have been rubbing it off on Troye since he is my 'best friend' and all. He has to learn my way on how to enjoy Grandma Oakley's delicacies by default. After I'm happy with lunch orders, I then quickly snuck back out, plopping myself on the opposite of where Troye has been sitting and browsing through his phone.

"Hey Ty, have you asked them yet? We need to RSVP by tomorrow if we wanna get a good room. Caspar's still waiting for the final number before he makes the reservation." He asked while his eyes never leaving his phone. Shoot. I didn't realize that I have been procrastinating so much. I've been meaning to ask my parents about the trip to Cancun this coming weekend ever since Troye told me about the plan two weeks ago. Troye's cousin, Caspar is celebrating his 21st birthday and has generously told him to bring his plus one. That plus one being me.

Troye once told me that the relationship between Caspar and him has been quite unique. Although there's a four years of age difference between them, Caspar is actually more of a big goof. They were both born in South Africa and Caspar just has this fun big brother slash friend vibe and he absolutely adored Troye. It was cute that little toddler Caspar was so heartbroken when they separated because when Troye was 2 years old, his family had moved to a couple of places in Europe but they reunited back in Cambodia and lived there for a couple of months when Troye was around 5. He recalled fondly that during one particularly hot afternoon, his face got ungodly red due to playing under the hot sun for almost two hours or so. Seeing the color on his face gradually redden like a lobster against the contrast to his unnatural fair complexion, Caspar panicked and quickly run to the kitchen to grab an ice bucket, rushed back out again and stripped the t-shirt that was hanging loosely off of small little Troye, leaving his shorts on before carrying him to stand in the middle of the small bucket filled with tap water. The logic of a nine years old or is it the logic of Caspar's goof? But somehow, that's the true dynamic between the two and they have been two peas in a pod.

"Uhmm..., I meant to ask them yesterday during dinner but something came up." I answered while trying to avoid Troye's suspicious gaze.

"Something came up or you chickened out?"

I sighed softly before nodded, "You know how it is with my dad. I just couldn't be sure how he would feel about me going on a trip with you guys, much less to a foreign country! I just don't wanna start another thing with him. It's kinda exhausting sometimes." The topic of my dad never failed to dampen whatever mood that we were in but it was inevitable that it would be included in this conversation.

"I know Jackie would be cool about it. Can't she convince your dad the same?"

I thought about it as Troye finished his question. No, I thought about it even before that. I know for a fact that my mom would have no qualms with me spending the weekend off with my lovely _boyfriend_ in an exotic paradise that is Cancun. The only person from my family that knew about my sexuality is my mom. I wasn't sure if I'll be able to have enough courage to come out to anybody at that point. It's just that the way I was raised in the Oakley family, everything seemed mediocre and phony because apart from my mom, everyone else just kinda strolled past my life and maybe we would meet the immediate family once or twice in a year but the interactions were never anything more than a simple 'hello' and 'how's life'. It was quite a cringey situation that I would rather avoid if not for my mom's constant nagging about making an effort to get to know my 'family'. So it's safe to say that I've never had a bond with any of my family members that was worthy enough to know about my sexual orientation. Well, maybe a little exception for my Grandma Oakley. Although I may not have told her, I guess she had her suspicion when she caught me browsing through a gay porn magazine when I was still in elementary school. She never confronted me nor did she outed me, that's why I loved her and I missed her a lot. May she rest in peace. So up to this day, Troye and I have been in a hush-hush relationship and only a handful of our closest and most trusted friends knew about the nature of it. Upon my request, my mom had been tight lipped about my secrets too and I've never been more glad that I had came out to her about a year ago, with loads of encouragement and reassurance from Troye.

 _*flashback*_

 _I found her in the diner inventory down in the basement, stocking up the racks with the newly delivered beverages. I looked at her moving figure for a while before I leaned against the door frame, waiting patiently for her to notice my presence. From what I saw, she was pretty consumed in the task she's currently on but I was thankful for the time that her lack of awareness had given me for I needed them to compose myself and tame my rapidly beating heart. When I think I've gathered enough courage to face her, I made myself known. "Hey mom.."_

 _"Oh hey, Ty! What are you doing here? Did Troye dropped you off? I'm about to be done and close up. Then we can go." I nodded silently from where I stood and didn't say more. I thought I've mentally prepared myself for this moment, but it's too soon to be thinking that because one look at my mom's face was enough to take me back to all the insecurities that I've felt before I came here. But my mom being my mom, she must have sensed something was off because she was not used to me being this quiet so she continued. "Get your ass in here and help me if you wanna get outta here faster!" I quickly walked over at her command to help carry the disorganized beer crates, carefully stacking them up in the corner of the room. Only silence can be heard with occasional clinking of the beer bottles and shuffling of plastic wrappers. But after a couple of minutes had past, my mom spoke._

 _"Tyler, honey? What's bothering you?" She said, clearly addressing my weird behavior of being sudden mute._

 _"What makes you think something's bothering me?" I replied her with a tone bordering defensive against her question. Like I needed to defend myself against her accusation. Maybe one can categorize it as my natural defense mechanism, that I tend to lash out and protect myself at the first sign of impending danger. I almost chuckled to myself thinking that my mom would pose any danger to me but the feeling that's coursing through my body right now was clawing at me to protect my secret, to keep the image of the perfect son to her. Do not let her pry into your innermost secret or it will be an apocalypse._

 _"Mathew Tyler Oakley, don't you dare try that on me. If any person should know if something's up with you, it's gonna be me. You know why? 'Cause I made that beautiful big head of yours from scratch! Everything about you, I made from scratch." I winced at her annoyed tone and I knew as soon as I heard her addressing me by my full name, there's no way getting out of this conversation. She will make me stay in here for as long as she needed to get whatever information out of me. Basically I would have no choice and I can no longer put this off. I braced myself as if I'm readying for a head-on collision. I took a deep breath, trying to steady the stuttering in my voice._

 _"I have something that I need to tell you. But first, mom, w-would you promise to love the other parts of me that you made also?"_

 _I looked up to my mom's stoic face as I heard her stopping whatever she was doing, obviously confused by my question. If this whole scenario was designed as a prank, I would have burst out laughing and high fived her for getting fooled. But that couldn't have been further away from the truth. I felt my heart began clenching harder and as soon as I started that first line, it was as though I have opened up the dam because tears began to roll down my cheeks in streams. She was still staring at me, eyes widen and before she had the chance to open her mouth, I continued._

 _"W-would you promise to lo-love the parts that were faulty and flawed also?"_

 _My sight was getting blurry from the amount of tears rimming my eyes but I saw the outline of my mom coming towards me and embraced my now shaking body into her motherly arms. I was tucked safely under her chin, her hands were brushing up and down my back trying to sooth me as I continued to let out choked sobs until I began to calm down a little bit._

 _"I'm..I'm gay.."_


	4. Chapter 3 - Emotions

_"I'm..I'm gay.."_

 _I heard my mom gasped aloud before she halted her comforting hands on my back. For a moment I thought she did not hear me, but her shocked gasped reminded be otherwise. The delay of response was somehow within my expectation but I can't help a small wishful part of me that thought maybe she would responded in a whole different but good way To my admission. The static moment was slowly digging into my fear of rejection and I'm trying to convince myself that maybe she didn't hear me clearly. Either that or that she was repulsed by what I said but she suddenly grabbed me by my arms and pushed me back to have a good look at my face to see if I was being serious. Once she recognized that I had no intention to joke around, her expression quickly turned pained and that made me want to crawl into a corner and bawl my eyes out. Fortunately she didn't give me a lot of time to jump to the worst conclusion as she quickly lifted her hands to cup both sides of my teared cheeks, staring into my eyes through my now clouded glasses. It was then I noticed the tears in her eyes._

 _"Oh, honey.. Oh, my sweet boy!" she cooed sadly at me. The motherly warmth of her tone had set another wave of tears to roll down my cheeks and she wiped it off with her thumbs. "How could you even think that I would ever love you less because of who you are? If anything it made me more proud!"_

 _I let out a choke before I looked at her, feeling more confused than ever by what she had just told me._

 _"P-proud?" I muttered followed by another choked sob. "But the others would condemn me if they ever found out. They think that being who I am is an abomination! And dad! What would he think of me if he finds out?"_

 _"Tyler, honey... Remember I told you that life is not about the amount of champagne you drink, but who you drink them with?"_

 _"Huh? Mom, I think you meant the moments that take your breath aw..."_

 _"Oh, shushh... Nonetheless, you get the idea." Trust Jackie to lighten up the mood by blurting out some random borrowed slash made up life quote._

 _"My point is honey, you have only one life and it is pliable. It can be shaped however you want but it has to be you who decide how you want it. It is entirely up to you." She said that like she's talking to her girlfriends, telling them that they'll be better off without some cheating assholes as boyfriends._

 _"Besides, life is short. It'll be over before you know it. Who has time to care about what other people think? The others? They don't have a say in who you are or how you to wish to live your life. You have to live your life for you. So yes, I am so, so, SO proud of you for having the courage to accept who you are."_

 _Upon hearing those words, I'm not sure if I wanted to laugh or cry but spon I opted for the latter, throwing myself into her arms like before and started to burst into tears again but this time, it was for entirely different reason. Those tears were coaxed by a mixture of happiness, relieve and many other complicated feelings. "Mommmm, I love you s-soo muchhhh! I f-feel like I don't tell you enough!"_

 _"Oh Tyler, I love you too, always! And thank you for sharing this with me. It carries a lot of weight in showing me how important I am in your world."_

 _"Goddd, Mommmm.. Stop it.." I half laughed, half cried even harder after hearing that. All my efforts to calm myself down were washed down the drain._

 _"God? Well, I wouldn't go that far, but I'm pretty fabulous, so.. I'll take it." She joked but I would not let her settle for less for she was much more than that. And I'll make it my sole mission to remind her of it everyday._

 _"No, mom. You're my fabulous Queen."_

 _*flashback ends*_

I felt Troye's hand sliding into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. The gesture seemed like as though he knew what was going through in my head and trying to bring me back to the present. I gave him a sad smile and he reciprocated with so much softness in his eyes.

"No, not one person in the world could sway his thinking, not even my mom. Well, maybe the Pope can." I shrugged. "Unless you got the Pope's number on speed dial, then I'm willing to bet my whole Pokemon Card collection to say that nobody can change my dad's mind once it's made up." I told Troye dejectedly while I pulled his hand and placed it on the dining table in front of me, palm facing up, before I rest my cheek on his warm palm like a coaster for my head.

"Well, do you want me to try and talk to him?" I shook my head, my cheek brushing against his palm awkwardly.

"How about I get Caspar to go to him? We know dads absolutely love him. And also he's the birthday boy, so.." I shook my head again.

"Okay, look Ty.. I am really looking forward to have a good time celebrating Caspar's big day and to spend some away time with you. I mean, we can basically count the times that we actually get to spend time alone in one hand but wait, what was I saying?" He shrugged away his wandering mind. I chuckled a little thinking that he's so cute when he's rambling like this.

"But yeah, if you think this would put another wedge between you and your dad, then I'll say, let's forget about it. I would be just as happy staying back and watch netflix while eating nutella pancakes for supper."

"No! If anything it should be waffles!" I intercepted quickly.

He grinned widely at me knowingly that it would get a reaction out of me. I gave him a shy smile before I continued.

"But I want to seize this opportunity for myself also, you know? It's not too much to ask, right? It would be my first time in Mexico! How exciting is that?" I wanted to tell him so much more but I had to stop myself before getting too hyped about it, keeping in mind that I might not even be able to make it. "But, thank you for saying that, though. It meant a lot. I'll talk to him tonight."

"Okay. Don't feel obligated to go the extra length to convince him. I'm fine not going too, okay? But keep in mind, Ty.. Whatever the outcome, I just want you to be happy."

Oh, he always makes me happy. No doubt about that. He seemed to always kno how to do just that even if I didn't ask of him. So far he had been wonderful. Thoughtful, funny, sensitive and caring. All the attributes that makes him a perfect boyfriend in my book. If only he could give me a kiss right now then he would be even more perfect. I desperately needed a distraction to escape my insecurities and anxiousness for a little while.

"Here's two Grandma's Specials with extra beets and ranch on the side, dig in, boys.. " The serene mood was broken when Justine, one of the diner's most loyal staff served us our food. I straighten back in my seat leaving my hands on both sides of the plate and we both thanked her.

"I wish we were somewhere more private now because.. you have no idea how much I wanted to kiss you right now, babe." His voice low so that only I can hear him. Then I saw him grinned cheekily and lifted his right hand to press it to his lips before moving again to touch the skin on my left hand, letting me feel the warmth that had lingered in his fingers. This was as subtle as a kiss goes. This boy could not have been more perfect.


	5. Chapter 4 - Obsession

The diner has always been an ideal place for us to hangout after school. Grandma Oakley's Diner was founded by my late grandma Oakley, _obviously_ , and it was pass down to my dad's generation but because no one in the family really want to take on the responsibility when grams passed away, my mom took over and it was the best decision ever. I guess it came naturally for my mom to tend the diner because of her awesome cooking skills. Before that, she was an incredible housewife and I absolutely adored her cooking and it always made me happy. My mom once told me she felt totally in her comfort zone and it made her really happy that her food is putting smiles on people's face. I guess the only downside of it was now I get to spend less time with her because her job in the diner was pretty damn demanding. Such long hours she had to commit to make the it so well received by the people. But hey, always a plus to have an excuse to drop by the diner and get some free food! So, after hanging out for about another hour, we said goodbye to Jackie and the others and left to drop Troye off at his parents' home. As I was driving home, I recalled the moment just before he stepped out of the car that rendered me in a mushy state.

 _*flashback*_

 _"You know, Tyler. You know you gotta let go of my hand eventually if you want me to get out from the car, right?"_

 _He said in a teasing tone that were so contrast to when we were out in public. I kinda prefer this side of him, to be honest. I have been holding onto his hand, quietly enjoying the little circles that he was tracing onto the back of my hands and just enjoying the tranquility of our little bubble. We've locked our gazes and engaged in a staring competition for eternity after we have parked in front of his house. I'm not entirely sure when it started but looking at his mesmerising, big lemur-ish eyes has been one of my favourite past time. I feel like I could drown in his carribbean ocean blue for hours on end._

 _"But I don't want you to go yet, let me bask in this serenity for a while longer before I have to drive back and face my dad." I whined a little childishly like I always did when we're alone. And also he once told me it was cute to see me pout. He chuckled softly but his face remained a little cheeky before he raised our intertwined hands in front of us._

 _"Yeah, I know, babe.. It's just that I think I can't feel my hands anymore. You've been grabbing at it as if you're in labor or something. I do have very twiggy fingers, you know?" He teased again while dangling our hands until in mid air until my hands was released from his and dropped onto his lap._

 _"Oh you're such a baby, Troye. Fine, fine.. You can rightfully take back your pretty little hand and go waltz yourself out of my unworthy car." I said poutingly and retrieve my hands before straightening my slouched posture. I let out a dramatic huff before moving my hands to the ignition to start my car again._

 _Not a second later I felt Troye grabbed my arm and flung me back to face him and his other hand grabbed into the the back of my neck and pull me towards him to connect his lips to mine. My hands were resting against his chest and I grabbed onto the front his t-shirt once I register the warmth emanating from his lips and his tongue peeking out to wet the seam of my shocked lips. His action was so fast, it almost gave me a whiplash but soon our lips are moving in a mellow pace, my tongue soon met his in the middle and this was what's been missing today. The feeling of his soft lips moving slowly against mine, with a little sweetness that lingered from the strawberry milkshake from before. It was sweet, it was gentle and it was passionate. After a few too fast seconds later, he drew back but remained inches from my face, so near that we basically breathing the same puff of air._

" _But I'm_ your _baby, Ty.." he whispered longingly to me while his eyes lingered at my lips before flicking back up to meet my eyes. I smiled shyly, feeling grateful to be behind tinted glass because I am sure the blush I was wearing now would put a tomato to shame. I went in for a second kiss of the day and our lips stayed connected for a few moments more before I reluctantly force myself apart, not wanting the situation to get any more heated. I looked up at him to see his eyes were looking quite intensely at me. As I studied closely at his appearance, I can't stop the pride rushing into my heart to see that he was quite flustered by our little kiss. His hair was a little tousled, the flush on his face continued down to his long neck, short puffs of breaths were dispelled through his nose and swollen lips and his hands were still playing with the short strands of hair behind my neck. So yes, I'm proud of myself to know that I was the one that made his usual calm and collected persona and reduced it to this disheveled mess right now. Heck, who am I kidding? I'm sure my appearance would mirror\his if not 10 times worse because I get worked up by him as just easily if not more. Giggles started to replace the panting noises in the atmosphere and soon it turned into full blown laughs. As the laughs died down, he swooped in to give me one last quick peck before grabbing his backpack and opening the door to get out._

 _*flashback*_

Just as I was about to turn into the driveway of my house, I hear the soft chirp of my phone, alerting me of the incoming text. I chuckled to myself upon seeing Troye's name in the notification and quickly opened it.

 _Back home safe? -xo bean_

I quickly typed in my reply.

 _I know you'll miss me but I didn't think it'll be this soon.. Shouldn't have ran out of the car like your pants are on fire just now, huh? -xo tilly_

I touched my lips, trying to re-live the kisses just a few minutes ago and I tried to preserve and catalogue the feeling of his lips into my brain. The phone chirped again with a reply, successfully interrupting my focus.

 _You're the one who ended it too soon, babe_.. _;p -xo bean_

I sighed at that fact. Now usually I would be the first to berate myself for shortening our little car rendezvous but the current situation calls for it. I really didn't want to have to face my dad in an aroused state caused by my boyfriend. The 'talk' with my dad would be awkward enough without a raging hard on in my jeans, and also I would need all my blood to NOT be flowing only down south. My brain needs the oxygen if I'm gonna face my dad. Like, seriously. I fired up a quick but honest reply to him.

 _Regrettably so.. :( -xo tilly_

I proceeded to grabbed my iPod that has been playing on the dashboard and shove it into my bag before I receive another reply from Troye.

 _Hmm.. I'll make it up to you, I promise. ;) Call me tonight after you talk to your parents. -xoxoxo bean_

Right now I'm just glad that it was only a text that I'm reading in the privacy of my own car. If I were to hear him say that to my face, I don't know if I can resist jumping his bone right then and there because I surprised myself at how easily he makes my blood runs wild just by a little innocent text. That can't be healthy, can it? I took a much needed deep breath, firstly to summon a little strength to walk into the house and eventually face the music and secondly, I needed those fucking breaths to calm the fuck down from the excitement that was slowly burning in my stomach just by thinking about the possible scenarios Troye's text might be hinting at. _I swear to God, you'll be the death of me someday, Troye._ I thought to myself before I proceed to exit my car.


	6. Chapter 5 - Mr Oakley

As I turned the key into the house, I made myself known to my dad, just so that I didn't come as a surprise.

"Hey dad.. you home?" I shouted from the front door before I walked into the living room, only to hear my voice echoing into the house. Hmm, seems like he's running late today. I thought to myself. Then I began making my way to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of water and proceeded to the second floor up to my room.

My room was exactly the same as how I have left it this morning. My used towel was hanging from the armchair situated next to my unkempt bed, my covers was all scrunched up at the end of the mattress, even the slight indent left by my head this morning was still visible on my pillow. This is how empty my home was almost every day. Queen Jackie was either at the diner most of the time or she will be out looking for more fresh produce for the next day. My dad, well.. He was almost always not home due to his job, demanding him to travel all around America and sometimes overseas, either giving lectures or attending conferences. I guess I kind of owe it to them that I was pretty independent for as long as I can remember.

I really didn't mind being alone. Sometimes I find it quite soothing to be alone in the room and just be in my own world, listening to white noise that buzzed in my ear. I let out a relieved sigh because I would very much welcome the silence now. I need the silence to help compose my mind before the big 'show down' that I might have with my dad.

I slid my bag down from my shoulder and heard a soft thud when it landed on the floor before advancing to my familiar bed, plopping myself lazily onto it face down. My mind was racing with how I would start the conversation with my dad and which strategy would prove to be less evasive and would make him put his guard down. I sighed heavily into the pillow when I felt my mind began go on an overdrive. This is not the time to psych myself out.

The next thing I know was that I was woken up by a loud noise from downstairs. In my groggy state, I think I heard someone calling out my name.

 _"TYLLLERRRR! HURRY UP AND GET READY FOR DINNERRR! IT'S ALMOST DONEEEE!"_

Oh. Yes, someone had indeed been calling my name. Shouting is more appropriate in this case. I must have exhausted myself spinning the metaphorical wheels of my mind and dozed off. I woke up and made a trip to the connecting bathroom, turning on the tap and splash some cool water onto my face. _Tyler, you gotta be on your A game_. It's unnecessary to give myself some pep talk but somehow that did boost my confidence a little. Better than nothing, right? Fake it till you make it and all that jazz. I sighed at my reflected self and made my way down to the dining table to see that my dad was already seated.

"Mathew, why do you feel the need to make your mother scream like that to get you to come down everytime?"

 _Oh, hello to you too, dad._

"Sorry dad, I kinda dozed off a little." I answered him in the most polite way as I can muster up. I have decided the best way to approach the topic is to not overcomplicate it. Starting our conversation with sass and sarcasm, which I am fluent in both, definitely is complicating it. So I kept my mouth shut although I can feel the words literally trying to force themselves out of my mouth like I was a victim of bulimia. I had to keep my eyes on the price and keep my sarcasm locked down.

"How was school?" He asked, keeping the words to a minimum.

"It's fine. But I wouldn't say the same for Coach Butler though. I heard he hurt his toe pretty bad. How did he hurt his fucking toe chasing down some students that he caught smoking joints behind of the locker room? I mean, _come onnn_. How did he get out ran by a bunch of kids that were high out of their damn fucking mind? The whole thing is just absurd!"

"Mathew, watch your language!" He scolded. I think he didn't appreciate my word vomit. Oopss!

"Oh hush, John.. the boy is eighteen.. Let loose a little, will you?" My mom intercepted while placing my favorite Chicken Alfredo down on the table and winked at me. I grinned at her in return.

My dad cleared his throat a little before he spoke again. "Well, Shay had been the klutzy one out of all our buddies, isn't that right, honey?" He asked my mom, obviously trying to keep the conversation flowing for her sake. I didn't know why and I definitely couldn't be bothered to find out the reasons, but my dad and I have always been butting heads and rarely see eye to eye on anything and everything. And the fact that he's away a lot surely doesn't do this situation any good. My mom's the only thing that's gluing this family together. That's the sad truth. You'd think that being in a small family like I do, it would be easier to have a close knitted family, but that's just empty tales. It has nothing to do with numbers and everything to do with the behaviour of the family members. The bond between my dad and I was just never there.

"Oh yes, you boys are always getting into trouble in college. Couldn't go about a day without at least one of you losing a shoe or getting a new bruise. Just ask the Lee's!" My dad laughed while he added some minor details to their misbehaving memory.

"Speaking of which... Dad, there's something I've been meaning to ask you." They both stopped their little chit chat and looked over to me, waiting for me to proceed.

"Caspar Lee has invited me to his 21st birthday party this coming weekend in Cancun. Can I go?"


	7. Chapter 6 - Family Drama

_"Caspar Lee has invited me to his 21st birthday party this coming weekend in Cancun. Can I go?"_

There's a long silence after my inquiry and for a moment there I thought I'd asked the question in my mind. But luckily my dad started to look at me with a raised eyebrow and spoke. "Caspar Lee from my third period?" He asked.

I nodded before continuing, "Yeah, he's Troye's cousin from his mom's side." I quickly explained noticing my dad's confusion about how did I get an invitation from a much older boy. Troye mentioned once that Caspar is in my dad's class doing his final year in the Michigan State University and he's the son of one of his close friends in college. Such a small world, I know. So it did not come as a surprise that my dad would know who Caspar is.

"Oh, I see. He's a good kid. Too goofy at times, but a good kid nonetheless." He said it with a light chuckle. Seemed like Caspar's reputation precedes itself. Hearing him say that gave me a small ray of hope that this conversation is going to go by swiftly and in my favor.

"So, just for the weekend?" He asked again. My stomach's doing a crazy somersault right now but I try to keep my excitement to a minimum and crossed my fingers when I replied him. "Uh-huh, we'll be catching a three o'clock flight on Sunday and should be back home before dinner time." The room was as silent as it goes, with only the sound of our forks clanking against the our white ware. But maybe after a few minutes, my dad's voice broke the awkward silence.

"Okay."

Okay? He just said 'okay'. _Did he just..? Am I gonna..? Is this really happening? I can't even.. IS THAT IT?_ My mind and my heart are both going a mile a minute thinking of the prospect of him actually agreeing to let me go this easily.

"Huh? Oh, okay. Wow, thank you, dad!" I sort of stuttered a little but that was the best I can do considering I have to control the raging butterflies in my stomach at the same time trying to collect my thoughts to form somewhat audible sentence to utter my thanks. I looked over to my mom sitting opposite of me and saw that she was grinning cheekily and raising her eyebrow a little at me, as though to tell that she knew about my plan all along. Before I had the time to retort back with a cheeky expression, I heard my dad's voice again.

"Are those Lesters boys invited too?" I stopped to gather my thoughts for a minute and try to think of who he might be talking about. _Lesters._ The only Lester I could think of was Phillip. I met him once at Caspar's house when Troye and I went there for Christmas last year. _Wait._ _Oh._

"Oh, you mean Dan and Phil? I sounded my query and without a word he just flicked his eyes back to me to confirm my suspicion before I continued. I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes at him. "I don't exactly know, dad. I wasn't in charge of his guest lists."

If the look my queen is looking at me right now could kill, I would have died a thousand painful deaths. I remind myself to be as less of a sarcastic smart ass as possible.

"I don't like the idea of you getting close with the Lesters. There's something about the two boys that screamed,.. _problematic_." He tried his best to be politically correct instead of saying what is actually on his mind.

This must be my one biggest fault that I could not let go nor want to let go. I just _had_ to pick a bone with my dad. I could have just agree with him or change the topic or something. I could. But I can't let this slide when I can literally feel my impending annoyance rising up from the deepest part of my gut.

"What do you actually mean by problematic, dad? Just say what you really meant. It's not like there is anyone else here. You don't have to hide yourself behind your politically correct words!" I spat out my annoyance.

It was as if my words had broken his last straw of being patient with my attitude because suddenly he started to raise his voice and retorted back at me. "Well, if you must know, it's their behaviour that's problematic. They were always seen together on campus holding hands! Do you know what I heard the kids were talking the other day? Rumors are going around saying that they are in a relationship, like a couple. They were brothers, for God's sake! That's incestuous! It's disgusting!"

"OH MY GOD, DAD, STOP! First of all, there is nothing wrong with two boys sharing a bond _so_ strong, that they feel comfortable enough to hold each other's hands in public. They are not even gay as far as I'm concerned! And even if they were, it's not considered _incestuous_ because they are not even real brothers. Get your facts right, dad!" I spatted, tasting the venom at the tip of my tongue and not even sorry about it.

From what I was told, Phillip and Daniel are stepbrothers only after Daniel's mom marries Phillip's dad and then migrated to live in the US when they were about ten years old. I could only guess that the reason they were so close was because they have both gone through messy divorce and custody dramas from their parent's previous marriage. On top of that they were forced out of their familiar surrounding and came to a foreign country with the new family. It is a no brainer that they stuck together like how they are today.

"That's enough, Ty. Be done with your dinner and go wash up." My mom ordered me, her voice boomed loudly across the quiet room. I looked over at my mom and back to my dad, noticing that he was clenching and unclenching his jaw, obviously trying to control his temper and avoid any more confrontation in front of my mom.

I excused myself before standing up and dashed to my room. The annoyance stayed in the back of my mind and anger still brewing strong in my blood. I guess the only quality that I inherited from my dad was my anger. Here I thought we could finish one dinner without any disagreement between us. I should have known it is too good to be true. I should have known that whenever my dad and I were in the same room together, drama will ensue.


	8. Chapter 7 - Tease

I was still replaying the hurtful words that my dad said during dinner and I could still feel the anger boiling low in my belly when I came out of the shower. Words like problematic' and 'disgusting' being used in the same sentence just had a unusual gnawing at my brain that just makes me mad. Not wanting to immerse in the negativity that is my dad any longer, I let out a defeated sigh and began desperately searching for my light, literally.. because I could not be bothered to turn the lights on when I came barging into my room and went straight for the shower. When the lights on, I grabbed my phone from my jeans pocket and dialed Troye's number before moving to lie on my bed.

 _"..hello?"_ The call were connected after a few rings and I never thought a voice that was heavily laced with sleep could be this comforting to hear.

"Oh hey, babe.. Sorry, did I wake you?" I whispered as I glanced at the clock on the nightstand to look at the time. It was almost eleven o'clock and I felt bad for calling before texting him to check first.

 _"Yeah, don't be. I was waiting for your call anyway. It's just that I was trying to finish my math quiz and you know how I_ adore _the numbers. So I nodded off without realizing it."_

I chuckled as I hear him yawn. "Well, the good news is that there will be no math quizzes in Cancun." I told him in quite a subtle way, not knowing if he'll be able to catch up on it with his sleepy mind.

 _"What? Noo.. Tyler! We're gonna go? Like, legit, we're going?"_ I giggled into the phone whilehe was rambling like a cute little three years old.

"Yesss, baby YASSSSS! Now that I am finally gonna go, I don't know what to pack for the trip! Did Caspar mentioned any dress code? Like, I really don't wanna stand out like a sore thumb." I guess I do too have the tendency to ramble like a three years old. But who cares? We're gonna go to Cancun!

 _"Tyler, relax! It's a birthday bash, not the royal ball."_ I literally can hear him rolling his eyes when he sassed me.

"Ya, I know that. But I would still need to look my best. Who knows? Maybe I'm might meet some cute local boys? Maybe some naturally tanned lifeguards, or some handsome beardy bartender. Oh the possibilities.." I playfully taunted.

 _"Are you sure you're their type? Don't get me wrong, you looked absolutely cutesy but I would think that they'll prefer someone who doesn't looked like they've just hit puberty_."He retorted in an instant.

"UHMM, RUDEEE! Troyeeee, shouldn't you at least act like you were worried for the sake of keeping what's left of my self confidence?" I whined at him.

I swear I could have been grinding against the sweaty DJ on the dancefloor or gone skinny dipping with a Greek motherfucking God and still would not get him jealous. I don't know if I should be happy he has 100% trust in me that I will not cheat or I should be devastated that he does not think those hot boys would want me. Hey, if the boy's cute enough and want me enough, I might get swayed, Might. But.. Troye wants me, right? And he is capital H-O-T, if I may say so myself. And he is mine.

 _"I'm kidding, babe.. Of course I would want you all to myself. But seriously, just pack something smart but also casual, okay?"_ He cooed _._

"Okay." I sighed. "I was a little stressed out to be honest. I just thought that I want everything to go perfectly for this rare opportunity, you know? It's not everyday I convinced my dad to let me leave the country with my boyfriend. Though for a moment there I thought he was gonna change his mind or even ground me for the rest of my life."

 _"What? Why? What happened?"_ He asked and I then told him the whole story from how I picked a fight with my dad when he accused Dan and Phil for being incestuous and how he was asking me to stay away from them. I still feel a little angry and ashamed by his judgmental mind. Little did he know that _I_ should me the one others have to stay away from. Well.. at least in Professor John Oakley's world.

 _"Well..."_ I gulped at the sudden change of the tone of his voice, instantly changing the mood of the conversation.

 _"Why don't you focus all your...pent up frustrations on the things that you wanna do when you get there?"_ His voice definitely dropped an octave lower and hearing him talk like that shoots sparks all over my body.

"Yeahh.. I think I will.. I seemed to recall _someone_ making me a promise to make it up to me not long ago." I purred. I don't how it can be possible but then I heard him hummed in a even lower tone and I just growled into the phone, not caring if he knew how easily he could get me flustered. At times like these I wished I didn't turn my light on just now because I'll feel a little less self conscious to do what I'm about to do in a darker ambiance. I hesitantly moved my left hand under my covers and towards my sweatpants, which was already spotting a semi hard on before I ran along it softly over the material of my sweatpants with my fingers. The little touch was enough to send my mind into a frenzy especially when I've never had any experience touching myself while being on the phone. Having someone listening in while you're touching your own length seemed so dirty but at the same time incredibly hot. When I think I've mustered up enough courage _or my horniness had triumphed over my embarrassment_ , I began to slip my hands under my pants and got a firm grip on my now fully hard length. The pleasure that my action created led me to moan into the phone and I was listening in if I could hear any sound from the other end of the line. All I heard was a slight rustling of the sheets and followed by shallow breaths that were music to my ears.

 _"Hmm... Indeed. And that_ someone _is best known for keeping his promises."_ I moaned again, louder this time as my hands began to stroke my length at a much faster pace. I tried to keep my mind straight as I was constantly stunned by my own pleasure, making it difficult to construct a full sentence. I can't help it. When I think about the possibility that Troye was touching himself on the other end just scrambled my mind like a well beaten egg in the morning.

"That someone better.. Uhhh.. he better make it work. Or he'll face my wrath.." I threatened without being intimidating at all. I quickly realized that I was losing this game of teasing pretty fast as I heard his sexy whispers again.

 _"Oh babe, you have no idea. And Tyler?"_

 _"Yeah?"_

 _"Sweet dreams..."_

I stopped all movement when I heard a click from on the other end and followed by slow beeps of the dial tone.

 _That little shit. What the fuck just happened?_


	9. Chapter 8 - Tilly

_Ding dong!_

I startled a little when I heard the doorbell. _Shit._ _He's here already?_ I panicked because I am no where near finish packing. I glanced at the spread of shirts and pants and toiletries on my bed one last time before running downstairs to get the door.

 _Ding dong!_

"Yes, I'm coming! Shushhh!" I opened the door revealing a very smiley Troye as he brushed past me into the house and quickly grabbed my arm to pull me with him.

"Come on Tilly, Cancun waits for no man!" He exclaimed smugly while going up to my room with me trailing close behind him. His eyes widen as he saw the mountain of stuff that was still NOT in my bag and shrugged. "Tilly! Come on and hurry up, the Uber's waiting!"

"Okay, I know! Would you stop patronizing me and start helping me instead?" I said as I ran into the bathroom to collect my toothbrush and hair product. By the time I came back out, Troye was standing by my bed, with two bags that suspiciously looked like everything have been stuffed like a turkey on Thanksgiving day. He was looking at me with a sly grin and said, "I finished packing for you in record time and I'm expecting a reward or some sort." He winked and his grin turned into a smirk.

Frustration quickly dissolved as I slumped my shoulders in defeat and walked over to him, planting a brief kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, babe.. You're my hero."

"Hmmm, not quite what I was expecting but it'll have to do for now. Now come on, we don't wanna keep the others waiting." He quipped. Five minutes later we were in the Uber on our way to the airport.

The sky was already dark when we reached Mexico and we quickly hailed a taxi to drive us to the hotel that was written in our itinerary. The flight was pretty short but the pressure of being in a small confined area, even though the inside of an airplane was quite spacious, still took a toll on me.

Troye inserted the key to our hotel room and I can't help but feel nervous and excited at the same time. The tiny butterlies in my stomach has grown significantly within the length of time from when the plane touched down in Cancun Airport till I stepped into our Deluxe Seaview Room with Troye. This trip would be the first trip that we took as boyfriends. _Boyfriends_. Hmmm.. I just love the sound of that word rolling out from my mouth. But what I love most about our relationship is that it did not start of with the intention of falling in love with each other. It started from a friendship formed between two individuals, regardless of their sex, age or sexuality. It started from the innocence of liking each other based on their personality rather than their physical attributes. Since the first time we met, he has this almost child-like lovable quality about him that reins me in and I just felt so comfortable in his presence. And the feelings I have for him slowly evolved through all the time spent in each others' company.

 _"Hey! Hey, Tyler!" I heard my name being called from the front of the cafeteria line I am currently in. Then I saw Troye's head poking out from the very front of the line and waved to asked me to go to him. I waved back out of habit and make my way to the front, conveniently ignoring the snarky comments from some of the kids that I passed._

 _"Hey Troye, thanks! This line is taking for-evaaa! I exaggerated._

 _He smiled his toothy grin and said, "Oh it's fine. So, what are you gonna get?"_ _Without giving it a second thought, I ordered my usual, chicken burrito with extra ranch and pickles on the side._

 _"Aaand I'll have mac and cheese, please. And oh, do you have tomato sauce?"_

 _"Oh honey, we don't have tomato sauce in this kitchen but you can have all the ketchup you want." I ogled at the rude lunch lady and I almost wanted to fault her of her ignorance before I heard Troye fake coughed beside me._

 _"Oh, I'm really sorry about that, mam. I just came here from Australia but before that I have been living in a couple of other countries as well due to my dad's job. So, it's kinda all jumbled up after some time. But I really love mac and cheese with ketchup, anywhere in the world." He smiled sweetly at the lunch lady, obviously trying to make her feel bad but in a charming way. I tried to hold back my laughter only until after we both have our food on our tray and left._

 _"That. Was. Phenomenal! Did you see the look on her face?! I swear if you'd told her that you're James Dean's great grandson, she wouldn't have called you out on it." I spoke all dramatically. He just chuckled and made his way to the empty seat. "Though, you could've let me paid for your food. If not for the letting me cut the line, then for the entertainment that you provided featuring the lunch lady."_

 _"No, it's alright. I guess it's understandable why she said what she said. It's not the first time people fault me for that." He explained before continuing, "But in all seriousness, why is it acceptable be naming a product that was made from tomato, KETCHUP and weird to be naming it, TOMATO sauce?" He emphasized on the words ketchup and tomato. I thought about it. He did have a point somewhere but I shrugged it off and said to him, "Toe-may-toe, toe-mah-toe, whatever. I don't think that's weird. But I DO think it's awfully weird that you put them in your mac and cheese."_

 _"Oh. My. God. Tilly. You've never tried mac and cheese with ketchup? No, no, no. You gotta try it._ _Here, try it! Try it! I promise it's sooo good!" He said excitedly as he pushed the bowl of mac and cheese drenched in red and yellow to me and although it did not look particularly appetizing but looking at his hopeful expression and his level of excitement have got me intrigued._

 _"Okay, fine. I guess I could at least try it twice. And by the way, my name is Tyler."_

 _He looked at me with a confused look. "I know you are Tyler, I just felt like you're more of a Tilly for me." He shrugged casually." And also, why twice?"_

 _"Just because." I replied him. I felt the size of my heart grow exponentially bigger when I realized that this human being is actually giving me a nickname on our second time meeting. And it is a cute one too. I quickly resumed eating my burritos, hoping he will not suspect about how much I liked the nickname he gave me._

 _Tilly it is._


	10. Chapter 9 - Hotel Room

I was lying down on the comfiest king size bed, almost dozing off because of the accumulated fatigue over the long, rushing day. My mom would not let me skip school today, even though I was only having two classes on Fridays. And it is such a bitch that the two classes were like four hours apart, with my first class starting at eight in the morning. Which explained why I was in such a hurry to get home and pack my bags before Troye came to get me this afternoon. We almost didn't make it to our flight but luckily both of us were just bringing hand-carries so we kind of breezed through the check in.

Then I heard the stream of water from the shower stopped, implying that Troye was done with his shower. Soon enough he called out from the bathroom to tell me to get ready too. I sat up on the bed, still feeling drowsy from my exhaustion.

"Hey Ty, you can go in now."

I heard him chuckled and I dragged my lifeless, sleepy eyes up to face him only to realize I made a mistake by doing so. All of my sleep induced haze cleared up like the cloudless sky after a big rainstorm. I gulped as I looked at his flawless back, my eyes trailing from his shoulders to his narrow waist and finally to the white fluffy towel that was wrapping around his hips. I was thanking the stars and the moon that he was facing away from me while he rummaged through his bag. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks and my heart beating increasingly fast as he turned around to see what got me tongue tied.

"You okay, Ty?" For a minute there I thought that he was truly concerned about my well being but I saw the sly smirk that he was holding back, and I knew I was in trouble.

He walked over to me, positioning him between my legs before he asked me again, "Are you feeling tired, babe?"

I raised my chin and cleared my throat before I answered, "Uhm.. Yeah.. The school and the travelling, messes me up a little.."

His face came closer to me and his voice gets a little lower, just like the other night on the phone. "Let me help you recuperate then." And then at the next second I felt his lips descended on mine, only tasting the fresh cool aftertaste of the toothpaste. I stayed still as we moved our lips together and after a few seconds later, he pulled away slightly and looked at me, as if asking for my permission to go further. I nodded before he connected his sweet lips with mine again and at the same time pushing me down on the bed, with him on top of me. The kiss soon turned heated as he swiped his tongue across my lower lip before he nipped at it, causing me to gasp and moan desperately, wanting to taste more of him.

I could feel his harden length over the material of his towel as he pressed his body onto mine more firmly. My hands moved on instinct to place one on his back and the other grabbing his short hair just above his neck, both with the intention of pulling his body closer to mine. I heard him gave out a low growl, signaling that he loved the treatment that I was giving him but then..

 _Knock, knock!_

He pulled away and I prayed to the all mighty Venus to not do this to me again. His cheeks and lips were flushed red and by judging at the bulge that I am feeling on my crotch right now, we were both equally turned on by our current activity.

"Ignore it, Troye.." I begged. But then when we heard the second set of knocks on the door, he regrettably stood up and took a few deep breaths to compose himself.

"We can't, Ty. Caspar said that dinner's reserved at nine o'clock. That was probably him." He leaned down to give me one final kiss but it was lacking the fire that we had just minutes before.

He opened the door to see Caspar on the other side, conveniently positioning himself to block me out of Caspar's suspicious sight.

"Hey Troye, you guys ready to go?" I heard him asked. "Uhmm, I think I know the answer. Unless you're gonna go wearing just that." He laughed at his own joke. "Wait, what were u guys doing if you're answering the door with only your towel on?" I feel my cheeks heated up again and quickly make a dash to the bathroom, not wanting to listen in to the conversation any longer.

With the fear of leaving a bad impression for Caspar and his friends, I have managed to shower, get dressed in my blue button down and a black skinny jeans, and lastly fixing my quiff, all in less than twenty minutes. Troye and I have left our room and we reached the restaurant with five minutes to spare.

The ambience at the restaurant was really nice and relaxing. Seemed like Caspar had only invited a handful of his closest friends. I saw a few familiar faces like Dan and Phil, which was expected because they have been invited to all of Caspar's party. Then there were a few more people whom I have not met before. Like this guy that were sitting across Troye and I, he seemed pretty cool and chill with his dreadlock and stuff. Then there was this adorable little girl that does not look like she was old enough to travel without parental supervision. But apparently she's one of Caspar's bestfriends' elder sister.

So, dinner went well and we hugged everybody goodbye before retreating to our room. It was almost midnight and I quickly dragged myself to brush my teeth, change into my sweatpants and t-shirt before joining Troye in our shared bed.

"Today was pretty tiring, huh?" He asked me.

"I was absolutely smashed. But it was nice, being here with you.."

"Come here.." And I scooted closer, my back against his chest and he placed one arm under my head and the other wrapped across my waist to give me the best cuddle I could have asked for. "Sleep, Tilly.." He whispered before kissing the back of my neck. After a few minutes, with the soft caresses of his thumb on my hip, I slipped into a wonderful dreamland.


	11. Chapter 10 - Surprise

I woke up the next morning in the position exactly like how we went to bed last night. I felt Troye's steady warm breaths brushing against the skin on the back of my neck and his arms were draped around my body. I turned my body cautiously to face him, not wanting to wake the beautiful sleeping boy in my bed.

Looking at his peaceful sleeping face, sometimes I wonder if this sweet human being is even real. I remember vividly during March last year, Troye have been away the entire week before my birthday and I was feeling a little left out by my workaholic parents. But on the eve of my birthday, I received a call from an unknown number and I hesitated for a bit before I answered it.

 _*flashback*_

 _"Hello?"_

 _"Hey Tyler, it's me. Could you look out of your window?" He requested._

 _"What? Like, right now? Why? What are you doing?" I blurted out a string of questions._

 _"Yes, now! Come on Tilly, trust me. Just do it, alright?"_

 _I got out of my bed and looked out from my window, seeing nothing in particular. "I'm at my window, Troye. I don't see anything. I swear to God if this is one of your pranks like you did on your brother, I'm gonna.."_

 _"Shut up, Ty. Just concentrate and look harder." He scolded before ending the call._

 _I did as he asked, still nothing. But oh, wait. What's that yellow glowing thing in the grass? Now that I see it, it was kind of obvious because that glowing thing was stretching out leading to a huge tree just outside of my house's compound._

 _I quickly went out to the place where I saw the first glow and it turned out to be some pebbles that were painted with yellow luminescent paint. And there were many of the same glowing pebbles that were laid down like a path pointing to behind of the tree trunk. I know in normal circumstances, I probably should not follow the pebbles but this was Troye we were talking about. And also I always let my curiosity get the best of me._

 _Wrapping my sweater closer to my chest, I walked over towards the tree warily, and then there he was... standing under the big oak tree like a beautiful roman sculpture. I took up his cheery but tired outlook, and I was stunned to silence when I spotted more of those glowing pebbles carefully arranged on the ground in front of where he stood, spelling out the words, "H-A-P-P-Y B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y-!"_

 _"T-troye.. W-what's t-this..?" At this point, I could careless if I sounded like a stuttering mess. I was overwhelmed enough to see him here and to have him do all this? I was in a puddle._

 _"Well, I just thought that in a few minutes more, it's gonna be your birthday. So, I bought an earlier flight back because I wanted to be here to celebrate it with you. I wanted it to be a surprise for you, so.. are you surprised?" He asked shyly._

 _"Am I surprised? You're an idiot because I could have simply not answer your call. Why did you not call me with your phone?" I asked, partly because I was curious and partly because I just wanted to fire a question back in order to have more time to digest this whole madness._

 _"Yeah, about that. I forgot my phone when I was rushing to get to the airport this morning." He kindly explained. And if I don't know better, I would think that Troye seemed a little on edge tonight. Then he took out a pizza box that I did not realize he was holding behind him before he spoke again, "And also...uhm.. I hope to come here and make today even more special."_

 _He began moving closer until he was standing about three feet in front of me, his hand already opening the lit of the pizza box to reveal its content. GOOD LORD I think pizzas must have been so overused in situations like these but hey, if it's gonna get the job done, who cares? I leered inside the box and I immediately let out a shocking gasp. In there, laid the most perfect, specially tailored pizza that I would ever want. From what I can see, the pizza itself was just an ordinary pizza but it was topped with slices of pickles that made up a word._

 _BOYFRIENDS?_

 _I looked up to see him smiling sheepishly and he started to fidget a little when I failed to produce any form of reply._

 _"So, I know this is kinda cheesy. I mean, LITERALLY because it's a pizza.. But uhm.. Yeah.. I wanted to come home to you so that we can make this day all the more special. So, Tilly.. what do you say?" He asked me so innocently._

 _I would have jumped into his arms and kiss him senseless then and there if it wasn't for the fact that I was still floored by his thoughtfulness. My heart felt like it wanted to burst out of my rib cage and the coolness of the night air did nothing to cool down the soaring heat that was the by product of the endorphin overload. At this moment, I have no doubt that I was irrevocably, undeniably, head over heels in love with Troye. I then dipped my shaky fingers into the pizza, picking out all the pickles that were lined to form the question mark, leaving only the dot. Then I grabbed the box, turned it around and showed him my answer._

 _BOYFRIENDS._

 _He gave me a smile so big that it almost knocked all the wind out of me. Then he took the pizza box from my hands and put it on the ground before he grabbed my head and connects our lips together for the very first time._

 _*flashback ends*_


	12. Chapter 11 - Firsts

Reminiscing the moment when Troye had asked me to be his boyfriend had me feeling giddy like a child on his way to Disneyland. Watching his sleeping form right now, he looked almost angelic and most probably because his face was illuminated by the Mexico sun that shined through the large floor-to-ceiling window. I looked at his radiant white skin that was bouncing off the sunlight while my fingers were trailing his cheeks down to his perfect pouty lips. I think to myself if I get to wake up to him like this every morning, with or without the sound of soft crashes of the waves, it would make me the happiest boy on earth. Without denying my sudden urge, I tilted my chin slightly to move closer to his irresistible lips, before pressing my empty lips onto his. It took only a few touches of my lips to rouse him from his slumber and have him grabbed at my neck to deepen our kiss.

"Hmmm, I could get used to this.." He said with his eyes closed. But as I saw the corner of his mouth being lifted up, I knew that he was pretty happy if not as much as I am right now. I leaned in to kiss him again for a short few seconds. He opened his eyes and I was hypnotized by how blue his eyes were this morning.

"Good morning, babe.. Did you sleep well?" He asked me in his sleepy voice which I had grown to love over the past year. I nodded, still smiling giddily at him.

"What has gotten you so smiley this morning? He spoke again.

"Nothing.. I've just been thinking.." I said nonchalantly.

"Thinking? About what?"

 _You_. Feeling the heat rushing to my cheeks, I knew I was blushing and I saw him raised his eyebrows at me. But before he could say anything teasingly, I crushed my lips to his again just to shut him up for a little while longer. With one, two, three swipes of tongues later, our mouths separated and I told him that I was indeed thinking about him and his sweet surprise during my birthday last year.

"Hmm, yeah. I think I have never been more nervous in my life." He admitted to me.

I laughed but quickly reassured him. "If it makes you feel better, I think it was pretty cute."

He smiled and we shared a moment of silence, just basking in each others' stares and warmth before the sudden growling of my stomach broke it. Troye let out a loud chuckle and sitting up on the bed. "Come on, Ty. Let's go feed you some food before your stomach start a French revolution." He said and began to pull my lazy ass up to go get ready.

It was about nine in the morning when we joined Caspar and the rest in the cafeteria where they were serving some really delicious looking breakfast. Troye and I made our way to the buffet line and started picking out and ordering the food that we wanted before making our way back to the long table where the rest was seated.

"So guys, what's our plan for today? Wanna go to the beach and check out the surf shop?" Caspar said excitedly to all of us. Almost immediately, he got a respond from the dreadlock guy, Louis was his name as I was told. "Yeah, man.. I think that'll be so sick. I'm definitely up for it, man!"

The others were also agreeing to the plan and Troye looked over to me, wanting to know if I was okay with it.

"Sure. Shall we all meet at the beach at around eleven-ish?" I suggested to the group and everybody was either nodding their heads in agreements or muttering some okays and yeahs. I looked back at Troye and gave him a reassuring smile, not wanting him to be concerned about me. Although I may not be the most synchronized human to be riding the waves but I do not want to be the guy who rains on Caspar's parade. After all, this trip has been the pinnacle of our many firsts so far. So, after a very fulfilling breakfast, we all headed back to our respective rooms to get ready for some surfing lessons.

I was woken up by a loud shrilling of my phone alarm which I have set before Troye and I took a nap in the room. We were both utterly beat after the pretty intense surfing lessons that afternoon but I would be lying if I say I don't enjoy it because I did. It was quite challenging in the beginning but my instructor, bless his soul, was the most patient man I have ever encountered. He taught me all of his tricks and tips and eventually got me to stand up on the surf board for a whole TEN seconds before tumbling down into the salty water again.

I was stretching out my well rested body and trying to loosen up all the knots in my overworked muscles. Letting out a satisfied sigh, I turned towards Troye, only to see that he was already awake and was currently looking at me candidly.

"Hey..."

"Hey.. Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked him.

"Nothing. Soo... shower?"

"Uh yeah, you can go first if you want. I'll go second." I offered because I know he was going to the club where Caspar is celebrating his big day to help out with some organizing details.

"I was thinking we can both go. As in, together?"

I sensed where this conversation was going and I do not know if I am confident enough to go there yet.

"Trroyeee! We don't have time for that! You are needed at the club in like.. thirty minutes!" I fake scolded him as an attempt to distract myself from the anxiousness caused by his naughty suggestions.

"Oh, Ty.. Come on.. Just to shower, I promise! It'll be twice as quick to get both of us clean and go to the club together." He rationalized.

He does not seem to realize the effect he has on me. It was not him whom I don't trust. It has been hard enough for me to control myself from touching him where it was considered inappropriate in public when we were at the beach just now. He was wearing a pretty standard beach attire, a black swimming shorts and a sleeveless shirt but then all I could think about was running my hands across his slim body, or tracing the subtle dimples on his lower back which was visible every time he moved, pulling his shirt up a little. And now he expect me to do nothing but shower when we were both going to be naked? Was he actively trying to kill me?

"Alright.. Some other time, then." He said, assuming my silence as rejection. Then he made his way to the bathroom and I was left alone with my racing mind and indecisive heart. I thought about the reason I pseudo rejected him and it was not because I don't want to. Oh God I wanted to. It's just that I had never really been confident about my body and I am a little insecure to show it to Troye. But Troye loves me, and he will not judge me on how I looked, right? I thought about it for a few more minutes before I stood up, stripped myself off of all my clothes and grabbed a fluffy towel to wrap it around my waist. I walked up to stand in front of the bathroom door, hearing the soft stream of water running from the shower on the other side and I took a deep breath to calm the butterflies in my stomach before I lifted my hand and placed it on the door knob.


	13. Chapter 12 - Shower

The first thing in my line of vision as I walked through the door was the steam from the shower crowded the room like a thick fog. As I walked in closer, the outline of his body became more visible and his wet skin was glistening and looked so inviting. It accentuated the lines of muscles on his back and continued to the little curve of his full butt. The sight was one can describe as heavenly. He had his eyes closed as he stood under the streams of water with both his palms placed on the opposite wall. I gulped nervously as I inched closer.

I guess being in the shower after your boyfriend rejected to join you had lowered down his alertness to the point where he would not have noticed if someone came in. But as the thought ran through my mind, as if my thoughts had alarmed him of my presence, he looked up at me with his piercing blue eyes, making my breath hitched at the combination of the suddenness and the intensity of his gaze. He looked a little bewildered before slowly flicking his eyes all over my body to roam the state of my current appearance. His initial confused expression soon morphed into a different look which I had little difficulty identifying. _Lust._

He stretched out his left hand, silently inviting me to come to him and as I was gradually closing the distance, I could feel my nerves tingled stronger with each step that I made. I reached for his outstretched hand and with my other hand, I loosen the towel around my waist and let it fall to the ground before I stepped into the shower with him.

The charged atmosphere in the room now was undeniably heighten and time stood still as we continued staring silently at each other while both procrastinating the actual act of showering. The moment felt foreign and new yet intimate to a point where it was beginning to feel a little too much for me. I let out a rugged breath and it pushed the water that dripped from my hair out of my mouth but still kept my eyes locked with his.

Like a man that had just experienced an epiphany, mind made up and determined, his whole posture had switched from unsure to confident, almost animalistic. His unwavering eyes changed into a even darker shade of blue, dead set like a predator on its prey and in a split second he pushed me against the cold tiled wall and started ravishing my mouth. I was caught off guard by his sudden movement but quickly recovered and put my arms around his neck to reciprocate his swift action. We both let out a guttural moan as our naked bodies came in contact for the first time. The feeling of wet skins gliding against each other and the warmth emanating from them were intoxicating and arousing all at once. I'm was mesmerized by how well our bodies fit together and the pressure of him pushing his body against mine, trapping me against the wall was too stimulating and making me greedy for more. This new desire that I felt for him was becoming a bottomless pit and it made me a little heady. The noises that he produced made my heart swell as it further confirmed his desperation for more contact. I felt him licking at my bottom lip, begging for entrance and I eagerly complied and opened my mouth on instinct to let our tongues meet in a sensual dance.

I felt something had awoken in me and I felt parched, needing more of Troye like a man dying of thirst needing the last drop of water on earth. With my back still against the wall, I arched my hips forward in search for the friction that I craved but it was diminished by our wet, slippery bodies. No, I need more. It was as if my hands had a mind of their own, they traveled down to grab both sides of his waist and gave it a firm jerk towards me to rejoin our lower bodies.

The moans that came as our sturdy lengths came in contact made my blood sizzle and in a split second of clarity, I am more determined than ever to vouch to do everything I can in order to continuously hear his luscious voice swearing my name in sync with how I make him feel. _More, more!_ In the midst of my messy mind, I still managed to give his butt a good, firm squeeze to relieve some of the pent up tension before I went and grabbed both of our lengths to stroke them as one.

"Ahh, fuck Tyler!"

I kept the movement of my hands going at a steady pace, just enough to keep him in a frustrated state as I directed my lips toward his jaw then his neck and sucking on a spot near his collarbone which I came to learn was his most sensitive and drove him wild. I smirked to myself when I heard him let out a gasp as a result of my doing, then accompanied by a louder moan as my mouth traveled further down, giving his taut nipple a naughty nip before I dropped down to my knees to proceed towards my intended destination. His hands which were hanging freely on his sides were now grabbing onto my shoulder to stop me once he figured my next move.

"Ty.. You don't have to.."

I tilted my head up to look at him, only to meet with a glorious image that I only thought would appear in my most explicit wet dream. His penetrating dark eyes shimmering through the haze of our deepest desires, his frowns on his forehead contrasting with his panting breaths and flushed cheeks and if I were to guess, his expression is when one is struggling within himself to either give in to his cravings or stay a gentleman.

"But I _need_ to..."

I said with my lips brushing against his soft tip and proceeded to engulf his length in my mouth before he could object. The effect was immediate and I felt my chest rumbled with smugness because when his hip jerked sharply on reflex, I have to keep him steady as to not choke on his length. The streams of moans and swearing coupled with my name had never sounded so alluring. It gave me a sense of pride and confidence knowing that I am the person who coaxed those noises out of him. I gripped his hips tighter, sinking my fingers into his soft flesh on his hipbones to allow more of him into my mouth, as deep as I could and hollowed my cheeks as I pulled back. I continued sucking him, his hand gently grabbed onto my flat hair and slowly taking over to control the pace of our act and basked in the pool of uninhibited pleasure. Without any warning, he pulled his entire length out of my mouth and was now bopping proudly in front of my face.

"Troye..? Did I do something wrong?" I asked while I tried to catch my breath.

Without a word, he pulled me up to my feet and gave me a particularly promising long kiss before he turned off the shower and grabbed the nearby towels to dry himself and later, me off. I was pretty puzzled as to what he was doing because his arousal that was now poking irregularly onto my lower stomach told me that it was still very prominent and very much needed tending to.

Having almost no chance to question his odd behavior, I was pulled out of the bathroom and was seated at the end of the bed.

"The bed would be a much suitable place for what I want to do to you next.."


	14. Chapter 13 - Trusts & Love

_"The bed would be a much suitable place for what I want to do to you next.."_

I almost couldn't recognize the tone he was using now, very much rougher and significantly lower than ever. I waited with bated breath at the edge of the bed where he was looking at me with his mischievous grin. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I held and all thoughts were lost as he began straddling me, dividing his weight between his knees and on my laps. He started peppering feather-like kisses onto my nose, my cheeks and then a particularly sensitive spot under my ears that never fail to make me hum in contentment.

His fingers were now roaming over my body like he was trailing the path on a treasure map, looking for the spot that marked 'X'. The soothing and mildly ticklish touches were proven to heighten the excitement within my body as they turn my nerves into live wires. His kisses started to get more frantic, giving me open mouth kisses and licking my skin as he pushed me down towards the bed, imitating my action earlier as he trailed his wet tongue to my nipples. I had to remind myself to keep my eyes open and watch as he surround my left nipple with his swollen lips, alternating between nipping it with his blunt teeth and soothing it with his flat tongue. Once in a while he would cover a bigger area of skin around my nipple and giving it a hard suck before releasing it with a pop. I understood now when one say it was extremely thrilling to watch your lover in action. The visuals matched with the sensations they provide gave new meaning to the word 'erotic'.

I was thoroughly relaxed and enjoying the feeling that he was generously giving me until I felt him going further down, deliberately avoiding my painful length to place my feet onto the mattress, my legs bending at my knees. He once again had me guessing what scene was playing in his little dirty mind and soon I felt my anxiousness returned in full force as I realized what he wanted to do. I snapped my head up to look at him again, his eyes conveying his inquest, silently asking me if I felt comfortable to proceed.

I thought about all the pleasures that he had brought me since I stepped into the shower. He never once made me feel flawed and unworthy, only the opposite as all of his actions showed me he had admired and worshipped my body. I knew that I will have no worry to submit my whole being to him for his enjoyment and my own. I trust him with my life. My mind and my body was ready.

I nodded confidently at him, urging for him to continue but his sudden change of expression gave me a mixed emotion of anxiousness and eagerness, not knowing which I liked more. When I was still trying to sort them out, I felt his slim finger began to trail down to my exposed entrance and circling them nearer to the tight muscle.

"So beautiful..." He whispered as he pressed his wet thumb directly onto the rim to give his word a more significant meaning. I darted my eyes to look at him, just in time to see his head ducked behind my thighs and I before I could stop myself, I let out an embarrassing mewl as I felt his wet tongue circling my entrance and unpredictably pushing his pointed tongue through, slowly breaching my tight ring.

I wasn't aware that I have been trashing uncontrollably if not for his death grip on my hip. He seemed pleased with the respond and continued lapping his tongue desperately and he drove me absolutely crazy when he decided to treat my balls with the same treatment by his tongue accompanied by a cheeky nip on my butt cheeks. I was trying my best to stay still and enjoy all the sensation that he provided with his new sense of confidence but as soon as I felt the tip of his saliva-coated finger inserting into my entrance, I gripped the sheets under where my hands were laying and thrusting my hips up in a reflective jerk.

"Shit.. oh god..." I cried out as his finger made its way into my body and pulled out after it was all the way in. He repeated the pattern a few more times before I begged him for more. The sting from the stretch was addictive and it may seem I have knack for self abuse, but the pleasure it came with was fighting for dominance and I was thrusting my hips to meet his unforgiving finger. He quickly complied and introduced a second finger, moving a little slower this time. The stretch was a little more intense as he tried to spread his fingers and push my tight muscles apart but the pain was nothing compared to the delicious tingling that crawled in my nerves and the pain was quickly forgotten.

When he had been experimenting with different angles, he found a spot when he curled his fingers upwards, and the rough pad of nerves he hit made me see stars and I keened shamefully. The tension in my lower belly increased like a wound up spring, ready to be released and as he grabbed and stroked my forgotten length with his free hand, it broke the last strand of my inhibition.

"Shit..!" I shouted and soon I was begging for him to take me. "Pleaaaaase, please, pleaseee babe... I need you now... "

"Yeah?" He asked before stopping all his movements, disconnecting all body contact with me and stood up, still panting harshly. I felt slightly less embarrassed by my bashful behavior when I saw that he was equally affected by what he was doing to me.

"Hurry, Troye... What are you waiting for?" I urged. Then it clicked. "Uhm, Troye.. Do we have any condoms?"

As he inhaled enough calming breaths into his lungs, he started to look around the room, as though looking for a sex stand in the hotel room that have all the essentials on the ready for people who didn't think things through before decided to have sex.

"Uhmm, I think the hotel might provide some in the room. Let me check." He walked over to the drawer beside of the minibar and I was praying to the all the Gods of the universe that Troye was right. And when he came back with a unopened box, I knew my prayers were answered.

"I guess all of my stays in hotels paid off in more ways than I thought." He grinned sheepishly before he spoke again. "Scoot up."

I did as he asked and he opened the box of condom clumsily and ripping off the clear plastic wrap in one go before revealing three colorful squares and tossed one on the bed beside me. He crawled up to me, placing his body in between my thighs as he leaned down to give me a reassuring kiss that I didn't know I needed.

The thought of us having sex for the first time had me a little scared, not because I wasn't sure or that I didn't want to but more about the lack of knowledge other than some I've gathered from porn blogs on tumblr. The look he was projecting right now gave me a little comfort as he too looked as nervous if not more about the next step that we're about to take as a couple. It's going to solidify whatever feelings that we had for each other.

He reached for the condom beside my head and proceeds to rip the wrapper using his teeth and I took the initiative to take the slippery rubber out from its confinement. He muttered a suppressed moan as I carefully place the rubber on his tip, slowly rolling the rest to cover him whole until it reached the base. I was looking at him intently before he moved his hand towards my mouth and brushing my bottom lip. I didn't realize that I was tugging it between my teeth and I quickly released it to let the blood return.

"Tilly, just...try to relax, okay?"

I nodded and closed my eyes, not trusting myself to speak without alarming him any more. I was thinking to myself that I shouldn't be this nervous. Troye and I have been wanting this ever since we started our relationship. This wasn't some hasty decision made during some drunken trysts. This wasn't like plucking someone out of a crowd because you're feeling horny. No, none of those. While I was still rationalizing my internal battle, I realized a little late that Troye had been reading my face. He then lifted my right hand and placed it on his chest, urging me to feel his erratic heartbeat.

"I'm nervous for our first time too." He admitted.

Sometimes I tell myself I should freak out by his ability to know what's running through my mind. But in fact it's silly to think that I'll ever oppose to him being so in tuned with my emotions and train of thoughts. It just made me fall all the more in love with him, if it was possible. I can't help but to kiss him again, only this time I was trying to convey all of my indescribable feelings through this kiss. And again I thank all the stars in the universe that he got the message and sprung into action to lube his length sufficiently with his saliva before aligning it with my entrance, ready to connect our bodies together.

Seconds went by that felt like hours, he thrust his hip forward slowly, patiently waiting for the feeling of being stretched by his blunt tip to simmer down to a numb sting. It felt a little foreign to have something this size penetrating into me but I wiggled my hips a little, urging him to follow through his plan. With maybe having an inch more being pushed further in, I was beginning to rethink the scale of pain that I can endure because the burn that I felt right now pale in comparison to when he used his fingers. I bit my bottom lip to stop the cry that was threatening to come out. He scrunched up his face for an entirely different reason and as soon as he saw the pained expression painted on my face, he dropped to rest on his elbows and kissed the side of my closed eyes.

"Babe, do you want me to stop?"

I shook my head and urged for him to move all the way in, hoping to get over this phase as fast as possible. I heard him mutter a whispered _shit, you're so tight_ and I know stopping wasn't an option for any of us. Thin layer of sweats was coating his forehead, revealing the effort that he was putting up to not thrust into me at the pace he wanted.

"God...you...I... you're.. so big, Troye.." I cried out incoherently as I felt him bottomed out.

"You okay, babe..?" He asked as he rested his forehead against mine after he kissed away the tears that rolled down my cheeks. I moved my hips a little to test it out and he let out a low growl at the sensation that it created. I felt the burn was slowly subsiding to a mild sting and the friction made by his length against my inner muscles was awakening the butterflies in my lower belly. I was hungry for more. I gave him my okay and he began the intimate thrusts, starting slow and gradually increasing his pace meanwhile whispering sweet comforting words into my ear.

What started out with worries and concerns for each other now transitioned into focusing on how to give each other the highs that we both craved. The strength of each thrusts, the little touches on each others' skins, the abundance of our moans, the whispered words that created goosebumps and sends shiver down our spines, all have been silently catalogued into our brains.

"Ty.. you feel so _fucking_ good..." He growled lowly and began stroking my length at a punishing pace, aiding me to reach my yearned release. The additional stimulation proved to be too abundant as it made me lose control of all my inhibition and went ahead to scream my completion, not caring if I was heard by others. I jerked forward my hips a little as his hand were still stroking albeit much gentler now at my highly sensitive length. A few moments later, Troye's hip movements became sporadic as he was starting to near his end too. With one last hard thrust, I heard him cried out and immediately halted all movement to allow himself a few moments of bliss before his arms gave out and crushed his body onto mine. We stayed in that position for a while, basking in the glow of our releases before I heard him say in a low but audible voice.

"I love you.."


	15. Chapter 14 - Life of the Party

Have you ever read a love story and thought that those perfect moments was too perfect, you snorted and tsked at them and you would think it will never happen in real life? I have, so many times. So, when I heard Troye uttered those _three words_ that were usually quite ordinary by itself but when strung together they carry a much larger weight, I felt I was in _my_ perfect moment.

"Troye.." I called out.

He separated his damp body from mine, carefully pulled his soften length out and disposed of the used condom before he moved to lie down beside me while he let his head fall amongst the pillows, watching me. He half-buried his face into the soft pillow, hiding his flushed cheeks and shy grin from me. How can this boy still blush even after our intense display of affection just moments ago?

"Did I hurt you?" He asked me sweetly with a hint of worry.

I turned to my side to look at him, winced a little as I felt a soreness in my butt but I quickly shrugged it off, not wanting to make a big deal out of it and in turn worrying him. I am a big boy and I know what I was getting into. The feeling of contentment that I was in right now proved to me that I don't regret any of it. He made me feel wanted and so loved.

I lifted a hand to his face and drowned myself into his shimmering eyes. Maybe it was the post-orgasm effect that made him glimmer and looked ever more desirable than he already did. The tousled hair falling over his forehead and the slight glow on his damp skin was breathtaking. It's unfair, really.

"Troye, babe.. It was perfect, YOU.. are perfect. And I feel so cliche to be saying this.. and I might just hate you a little for saying it first but uhm.. I.. I love you too..."

He beamed at me upon hearing my words, not at all surprised which was a little smug on his part. But I felt oddly comforted that we need no supplementary words to support our true feelings for one another. He stretched his neck and leaned forward a little to kiss me lazily but slowly turned into a brief make-out session when suddenly I remembered about the party that have been plan for months and happened to be the main event of this whole entire trip.

"Holy shit, we totally forgot about the party! And you're suppose to meet Caspar like ages ago! Dammit!" I crawled out of the bed and walked around the room aimlessly, my mind was still a clouded haze. That, and combined with my jumbled thoughts, I'm not entirely clear on my priorities right now. Should I jump into the shower first or should I drag Troye out of the bed or should I call Caspar to apologize and tell him we're gonna be super capital L-A-T-E? I don't fucking know. I was feeling guilty and too embarrassed to be indulging in our own happiness when we're supposed to be spending our time celebrating the person who flew us here and took care of us for this entire trip. My mom always said we shall not be ungrateful and I listens to her like 80% of the time. The other 20%, well you wouldn't wanna know.

I looked over at Troye, anxiously hoping that he would know what to do or say to Caspar regarding our absense but what I didn't hope for was for him to still leisurely lying in the cosy king size bed, giggling. And soon the giggles grew into a full blown roar.

"TROYEE! What are you laughing about?! This is NOT a laughing matter!" I scolded.

"Babe, you're so cute when you're all whiny and frenzied like that." He was clutching his stomach as he continued laughing and rolling on the bed.

"TROYE!"

"Tyler, relax! Caspar texted me that his party was postponed an hour because everyone was burnt out from the surfing. It just started maybe like... thirty minutes ago. AND he had Joe to help him out earlier so.." He said before he burst out laughing again. I sincerely hoped that he choked on his own spit.

"What? Why didn't you tell me earlier? You know what? I take it back, you're a jerk." I sulked.

"Aww, Tilly.. Don't be mad, come here..." He opened his arms while making his cute little kissy face, waiting for me to go to him. I shouldn't have given in so easily and let him know he always have the upper hand in our relationship but it's the apparent truth. Whenever we would engage in some harmless bantering match, we'd throw little insults and teasings back and forth like a ping pong ball in a tournament and unfortunately I would never be the one that holds the trophy in the end. The worst part of it was I didn't have the heart to fault him on it because that's just who he is. He's good at everything he does or put his mind to. So I basically have no choice but to walk over to him and have him wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm sorry." He said in such a sweet tone as he kissed the side of my forehead. I immediately felt more at ease and I succumbed again to a very warm and fuzzy after-sex cuddling session with him to drawl out the moment longer.

"I feel gross. We should shower and get ready, though." I began wiggling out of his arms but in turn he tigthen his embrace around my chest and stomach. I felt him inhaled deeply around the spot where my neck met my collarbone followed by a burst of breath against it before loosening his grip on my body to turn me around to face him. He was looking at me with raised eyebrows, the corner of his lips upturned, suggesting that he's thinking about something inapproriate, again.

"Get your head out of the gutter, mister. I mean one at a time! We have no time for that and also I need time to recover from the soreness." I said all that in one breath, but soon realized it sounded a little differently to Troye's ears.

"Tilly, I hurt you, didn't I? Was I too rough? Why didn't you tell me to slow down, or to stop?" His guilt was eminent but I quickly reassured him that it wasn't like that at all.

"Noo, Troye. That came out wrong. I didn't mean it like that. I mean, yeah it's a little sore but it's not because of how you treated me. If anything it's because it's the first time ever to have something fill me up like that?" I felt my blush starting to burn my face and I can't help but look away from him as I tried to explain my experience to him. He gently place a finger under my chin to tilt my head up again so our eyes stayed connected.

"We're already super late. So please believe me when I say I loved every minute of it and won't change a thing about our first time." I said and he let out a long sigh at my attempt to convince him of my rear situation. He flicked his eyes back to mine to take a last look to search for any doubts. When he found none, he swooped in and planted a sweet kiss onto my lips. When we broke apart, a sudden rumble of laugther came out from the deepest part of my gut and soon he joined in and we both just laughed at the surreal moment. Then we went about to getting ready for the night, and there's nothing stopping us from having the best night of our lives.

As we walked into the club with his hand intertwined with mine, we felt the loud music and booming bass through the vibrations on the floor with each step we took towards the entrance. I felt like each beat of our hearts were resonated through the speakers and it's making my body bopped to them in its own accord. There's something about walking through a sea of people literally dry humping on each other that without fail, sets you in the mood no matter how exhausted your body felt a moment before you step into the club.

The thick and humid air, the smell of sweat and alcohol combined with the thumping music just makes your blood runs wild. I was instantly pulled to the dance floor and started our random bumping and grinding of hips with Troye, feeling the vibe and bopping to the loud tune. It was uncredibly exhilirating to be this close to Troye without being too obscene and just feeling the smooth gliding of his clothed body against mine. Maybe it was the fact that we've been a more intimate situation just moments before, or maybe it was because we're in a foreign country, away from judging eyes and fear of being outed, but I felt encredibly relaxed as I looped my arms around Troye's neck and moving to whatever jam the DJ's playing.

In my peripheral vision I recognized some of our friends who were also having a blast. Even Dan and Phil who seemed the most quiet duo were rocking out some robotic dance moves while Louis had his dreads down and swirling his head to the beat.

I felt myself running out of breath pretty fast from the continuous dancing. The increasing crowd on the dance floor didn't help with the situation either so I gestured for Troye to take a break and have a little breather in our reserved table and soon we were out of there. The VIP room that Caspar had reserved specially for tonight was pretty impressive. The room was painted in dark red and gold lining that gave out a very majestic ambience to the room. In the middle of the room was a round dark colored lounge table surrounded by a matching curve sectional sofa. The gang did a really great job decorating the already awesome room to something custom made for the occasion.

As we made our way in, we were greeted by Caspar's doting girlfriend making efforts as a wonderful hostess.

"Hey guys, fancy a drink? Help yourselves to all the beverages. We have some sodas and kool aids but if you boys are looking for something stronger, there's some red and God knows there's nothing better than some whiskeys and gins." She proceeded to wink at us before making her way out to join the others.

Troye let out a light chuckle, already knowing that I would be gunning straight for the _something stronger_. Once we're comfortably seated in the plush sofa, with Troye securely stuck to my side, I poured the bottle of bourbon whiskey into two empty glasses, adding some syrup and some lemon juice to make my very own shots of whiskey sours. Ever since Marcus, another one of Caspar's good friend introduced me to it, I have been addicted. In an alternate universe where I would own a country, the cocktail would be its national drink and the country's water tap supply would be running with it. It is _that_ delicious! My Holy Grail!

"Hey, babe.. Slow down on the alcohol, alright? You've had quite a few of those tonight." Troye reminded me. I couldn't decide if he was thinking about my well being or he's just trying to be a wet blanket. In my drunken mind, I'm leaning more towards the latter.

"Pffft.. What? No! We should take full advantage of this situation, Troye. Besides, I can hold my liquor better than you." I said childishly but I soon acknowledged my level of drowsiness and slurring on my own words that I should best be heeding to his suggestion.

Truth be told, I think four shots was my limit for one night. The buzz that I was feeling and the blurry outline of Troye said as much. But what I said about taking advantage still rung true though. If it wasn't for Caspar and this VIP room, we would not be allowed to go anywhere near the bar at all with this ugly as fuck band on our wrists.

The club that we're in had a pretty clever policy where they allow entry for all customers above sixteen but the catch was everyone that went through the bouncer would be checked and everybody would have to wear a specified colored bands before making an entrance. Anyone under the legal drinking age would be spotting a lime green wrist bands whereas the others would have a red one. This way the underage younglings couldn't just cut their bands to pass off as an adult. Guess what color were ours? Well, tough luck!

Once I downed my decidedly last drink of the night, I dragged Troye out to the dance floor again where we shook every last drop of energy that we have left and twerked our asses off, not having any care for the world but each other.

Just a little after two in the morning, the party had dispersed. I barely remembers how to walk in a straight line, let alone how I've made my way back to our room, be changed into my comfy little sweatpants and tucked nicely in the huge bed. The last thing I remembered before sleep found me was telling Troye how much I enjoyed today and thanked him for being such a wonderful boyfriend. But in the midst of crossing over to the dream state, I think I felt him kiss my forehead and sealed the night with a lightly muttered _love you_ before passing out entirely in the warmth of his protective arms.


	16. Chapter 15 - Nurse me Baby?

I woke up with a massive hangover the next morning. The first thing I dreaded was the blinding light that has no mercy on my alcohol driven sensitive eyes. I could feel the sunlight literally jabbing at my eyeballs through my lids and together with the pounding in my head, God, I'm miserable. The misery was enough to make me rethink my liking to the little cocktail that I swore my allegiance to yesterday night. It was like expressing my undying love to a fluffy little cub that you would _think_ is harmless but only to have it bite you in the ass as soon as you've had your back turned towards it. Between the splitting headache and the monstrous nausea, I think the cocktail seemed to have a serious vendetta against underage drinking. Or is it just me? I don't know.

I tried to pry myself to sit upright against the headboard but very quickly regretted my stupid, reckless decision as a new wave of nausea rushed over my beaten body. I took a few slow deep breaths to calm my insides before I placed my arm over my light-despised eyes. I hated throwing up. The feeling of your gut lurching upwards and the taste of sandpaper in your mouth's not pleasant so, no thank you. I groaned as I began to find my voice again but my throat was also another collateral damage of my irresponsible behavior which was why instead of groaning, I let out an embarrassing croak. God help me, I promise I won't drink again.

If I was in my own sober self, I would've been livid with my drunken ass for putting myself in this kind of suffering for just one night of fun. And I would probably sarcastically make myself eat my own words. I mean, come on. I definitely cannot hold my liquor like I've bragged to Troye last night but what the heck, if I remember the bits and pieces from yesterday correctly, I've not had so much fun in a long time. Whatever aftermath that I'm dragging myself in was just a relatively small price to pay.

"GOOOD MORNINGG BABEEEE!"

 _Oh gaaawd isn't it like a universal knowledge that you don't fucking shout near the vicinity of the person who's having the hangover of the century? Didn't Troye get the memo?_

His voice was blaring loudly in my delicate ears as if he's speaking through the loudspeaker from the club yesterday and hearing his cheery tone makes it all the more annoying. I looked over to Troye with my squinting eyes, subconsciously thinking I would be seeing two of him but fair enough I only spotted one original Troye, sitting crossed legged on the bed beside me, grinning from cheek to cheek, mocking at my vulnerable, defenseless state. In fact, he's never looked better with his messy curls and smoldering eyes that oozes sexy and almost enough to make me forget my misery. _Almost_. Damn the boy could look so good so early in the morning and so effortlessly. And damn the whiskey sours!

"Oh my God, Troyeee.. Not so loud!" I said with a little dramatic flare but it came out all kinds of wrong. My voice broke when I tried to reach the high pitch and in overall I still sounded like a dehydrated toad. In other words, there's no way to whine cutely to my boyfriend and hope that he would find me irresistible and wanted to kiss and cuddle and nurse me back to good health. Sober, I mean.

I heard him chuckled before I felt the bed dipped on his side and when I accepted that the dip wasn't the product of my dizziness, he placed a glass of water and two aspirin into my weak hands. I quickly swallowed the pills without any hesitation and the cool water helped a little on calming down my nausea and clearing my head as well as soothed my scratchy throat.

"What happened?" I moaned my question to Troye, my supposedly partner-in-crime.

"Well, first of all, I don't get any satisfaction at all for saying this but, I told you so. And second of all, after you have emptied almost the whole bottle of that whiskey, you can barely walk and I had to piggybacked you back to our room. It was pretty embarrassing and to be _reaaaally_ honest? You're heavier when you're passed out drunk." He teased.

"Oh, shut up.. You should have stopped me from drinking that much." I defended and shoved the now empty glass back to him while I pouted. But really, I don't really blame him. Even if you put Mount Everest between the whiskey and me, it still wouldn't be too far.

"Yeah.. Nice try, babe.. but no. You almost clawed my eyes out when I tried to take your glass away. I don't know if you know this, but I'd hate you if you do and didn't warn me beforehand, you're pretty aggressive when you're drunk. Scratch that, you were literally like a lioness protecting its cubs! I don't think I've ever seen you get so possessive over a glass of drink. I think I prefer my boyfriend when he's this cute little shy thing that sometimes surprise you in the shower..." He trailed off, waiting for me to intercept. I oggled my eyes at him and felt the heat on my cheeks as he reminded me of the extra curricular activity that we're in just before the party last night.

"Oh my God Troye, stop it. I seemed to remember you were very much into it too!" And when he was shooting that goofy smile at me, I rolled my eyes at him and continued. "And also, excuse you! I'm a queen, o-kay? A royalty, not some lowly peasant and most definitely not a 'thing'. I sassed back playfully and all the embarassment from his teasing forgotten.

I was feeling much better after our little cheeky banters. My muscles, albeit still a little sore from yesterday felt incredibly refreshed after a good night sleep. I began to walk to the bathroom to get freshen up before I attempt to so anything else like maybe ordering in some breakfast or packing our bags before checking out. Truth be told, I was a little blue to think that I'm leaving this paradise and will be back in my small little town where I'll have to hide my true self. Just as the thought crosses my alcohol induced mind, I quickly shrugged it off and in turn focusing on enjoying what's left of this wonderful getaway with my wonderful boyfriend.

I splashed more cool water to my face hoping to jolt me out from my hazy brain before I looked up the mirror and my jaw just dropped. _What the fuck?_

"Troooyeee!" I stormed out of the bathroom and pointing my index finger to the corner of my forehead. It took him half a second to recognize my cry of displeased as his eyes immediate darted to the area I was pointing at.

"WHY do I have a bruised bump a size of a grapefruit?"

"Grapefruit?" He snorted. "Exaggerate much? I think maybe a walnut or something will be more accurate."

" .POINT! How did I get this? How did it happenned anyway? Did I get into a fight with somebody in the club? Oh God, did I lap danced on some random guy and got smacked?" I started to panic thinking about the possibility of that actually happening because I would not doubt him for a second if he told me I did. I knew I would be extra slutty when I'm drunk, but I hope I still have enough dignity to not embarrass myself like that in public?

"Uhm...no. Not really." I sigh my relief but it caught in the middle of my throat as I gestured for him to continue.

"I uhmm.. I might have dropped you when I carried you back to our room." He told me a little bit too guilty for my liking and quickly added, "But in my defense you kinda bit my neck while I was carrying you. I was taken by surprise and I dropped you on the floor and you.. you kinda hit your head against the wall."

I bit him? What am I? A vampire or a hungry drunken ass? It was ridiculous. And the more I thought about it, the more ridiculous it became and the room suddenly filled with the sounds of our giggles turned roars of laughter. Once we came back down to earth and return to our steady breaths, I let out a happy sigh and walked over to the sliding door to try to catch from fresh breeze of the ocean.

I looked out over the balcony and sweeping my eyes across the view. This room has to have the most gorgeous view of the Cancun beach, with the sunlight hitting the tropical ocean, coloring the water in white and blue ombre. This was the first time that I really looked at this scenery throughout the two days we were here. The first day we're here, it's already quite dark outside and then the next morning, I was plucked out of the bed by Troye and his endless need to feed me.

I looked out over the horizon again and it was truly breathtaking. I was deeply submerged in the spectacle in front of me when I felt Troye's arms wrapped my waist from behind, his head nuzzled in between my shoulder and my neck. The familiarity of my body fitting into his was soothing and we just leisurely continued to enjoy the view and each other in peace. I sighed again at the simplicity of the situation which made two people be at such bliss.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" He asked and planted a kiss on my cheek.

"Most beautiful thing I have ever seen my entire life." I hummed as he was now tracing circles onto the back of my hipbone with his thumbs. And what I said was true. I rarely travel outside of the country due to my parents' busy schedule. So for me to have been invited to come along this trip was very blessed of me. I then turned my head and craned my neck to the side a little so that I'm able to kiss his equally beautiful lips.

"I'm so happy, Troye. Please remind me to thank Caspar again for inviting us. I can't thank him enough."

"I'm happy too. I'm so very glad that you're here with me now. This was really special for me, Tilly." He whispered and then quickly added, "And I hope to have more opportunities to show you other parts of the world that I love too, if you'll let me."

For him to say that showed me he at least saw me in his future and planning to spend more moments like this together. My heart quicken and swelled upon hearing that and I turned around in his arms to wrap mine around his neck.

"Okay." I said before I gave in to the sweet temptation that is his lips and feel myself get drunk again of his sweet essence.

"How does Cape Town sound?"


	17. Chapter 16 - Sweet Distance

Today hasn't been a good day overall. In fact, it hasn't been any good day at all for the last couple of weeks. As I was trying to concentrate on lunch, I received a notification in Skype that made let out a defeated sigh when I saw who it was from.

 _From: Troyebean_  
 _-Today-_  
 _Tyler, are you there?_  
 _Please, if you're there, please answer my call.._  
 _You're not texting me back.._  
 _Babe, I need to talk to you.._  
 _I've missed you. I missed seeing you and hearing your voice, please, talk to me Ty.._

With one last look, I exited the conversation with Troye after reading them for the umpteenth time. We have not been seeing each other or communicated at all since he had gone to New York last few weeks for an impromptu internship with a low key record label. Ever since then, our relationship seemed to have been suffering from the blow and has gone downhill slowly. I knew that it was a very rare opportunity for him to get selected to be an intern in the music industry at such a young age and from what I've gathered, he found the job through their website and has been liaising with their producer for a couple of months before he broke their reluctance. It was definitely not an easy feat to convince a record label producer to actually take the time to look at an unknown 18 years old's work. And after that hurdle, the decision was easy and instant. They would hire him as a junior song writer for the company. Like an actual job. In New York. It's so ironic to think that just a few days before our supposedly falling out, we were having the best days of our lives in Cancun and right now? We hardly talk to each other.

I felt guilty for having to turn the situation into this. I never wanted it to come to this. But the reality was that it DID, and if it were meant to be, then there's nothing I can do to refute it. In other people's eye, I will most definitely be the villain and the worst boyfriend in the history because it seemed like the most natural thing for me to react all proud and bragged about it to everyone when I learnt of such good news. I tried to be that boyfriend, I really did. But I can't help but feel disregarded and unimportant, like I've meant much less than I thought I did. Dammit! Why do I feel so ugly and selfish? I just wish I could stop my internal battle with myself.

 _*flashback*_

 _"Hey Tyler, I have some good news!" He announce happily one day while we were seated in the cafeteria._

 _"What is it? Don't be a jerk and tell me."_

 _"I would have if you would just shut up for a total of half a second." I threw some stray fries at him for that comment. "So, you know I've always wanted to try and write songs and stuff?_

 _I nodded silently, still chewing on my fries._

 _So, there's this record label in New York, I found out that they're looking to hire new writer and I kinda applied for it."_

 _I stopped my greasy fingers mid air, successfully looked like a deer caught in the headlight and looked over to his excited face._

 _"Well, I didn't exactly apply for it because they mentioned they're only looking for someone preferably with experience but I've been emailing back and forth with the producer for months and he decided to give it a try and hire me! I got the job, Ty!" He was literally shaking with excitement when he finished his sentence._

 _I was genuinely elated by the awesome, awesome piece of news but slowly my insecurity monster started to creep out from beneath little by little. I shrugged it off and congratulated him instead._

 _"That's such a great! Congra-..."_

 _"And of course they're not gonna just hand me the job, I mean I have to start from the bottom like everybody else, an intern to be exact, for three months!"_

 _I was a little annoyed to be cut off like that but seeing that it's his moment, I let it slide. However, I can't stop the monster for creeping out a little bit more. My heart started to flutter with worry for the impending finale that I'm sure is coming but I kept my smile plastered on my numb face anyway._

 _"Do you know what this mean, Ty? If I performed up to their standard, I might just be the youngest junior writer ever to be working for their team. It was unheard of! I mean, I would have to leave immediately and maybe miss graduation but, it's gonna be SO AWESOME!"_

 _There it is, the grand finale that successfully trampled my heart and left to bleed. I mustered all of my energy to show a more enthusiastic respond to go with his incredible announcement._

 _"Wow, Troye.. That's.. that's great news." I saw his upturned lips changed into a tight line and I knew he saw through my miserable attempt. I hope he doesn't blame me for the lack of enthusiasm._

 _Frankly, it was just a few days ago that we've both experienced our most treasured times, the best and most promising point of our relationship and to think that we're gonna be separated and he's going to New York no less, it scared me a little. I know for a fact that Troye being Troye, he would kill his internship and he would have no problem charming anyone and everyone. It will mean a great start to his music career. But on the other hand, what would it mean for us? I was snapped back from my own monologue when I felt Troye's hand on my shoulder._

 _"Tyler.. Why are you upset about this?" He asked._

 _"What? Troye, no. I'm not upset.."_

 _"Don't. Give me more credit than that, will you?" He quickly intercepted my lie._

 _If this conversation was taken place in a different circumstances, I would be so impressed that he knew me so well. But for him to do that right this second seemed like a curse. I don't think I've ever hide something from him with the intention of hurting him, and this time was not an exception._

 _It was like a untied balloon, his excitement was deflated very quickly and the change of his demeanor was quite apparent because there seemed to be more frown lines formed on his forehead. This was a side of Troye that I rarely had a chance to see and for as long as we've been dating, I've never ever wanted to. But like any other less desirable situation, you can't outrun the bad and it really pained me that at this instant, it was inevitable. Needless to say, my mind was racing to think about how I would repair the crack that I've accidentally caused._

 _"Not here, Troye. Can we talk about this later? I'm really not in the mood to cause a scene in the school cafeteria." I pleaded and he seemed to agree because his next course of action was to stand up and clear both of our trays before gripping my arm towards the exit to get away from prying eyes of our friends. He was walking rapidly down to the very end of the hallway where the auditorium was and burst into the empty room with me dragged behind him. He didn't stop until we reached the very front and sat me down in a corner where it was noticeably darker part of the room. A spot perfect for making out but I knew that was the furthest from what we're actually going to be doing right now._

 _"Tyler, what's going on with you? I know this may seemed sudden but I thought you of all people would understand how important this is for me. I mean, I expected you to at least be happy for me?" He said, his voice laced with hurt. "You do know how much being in this industry meant to me, don't you?"_

 _"I AM happy for you, Troye! I so proud of you, I really do!"_

 _"Bullshit. You looked like someone had just killed your puppy when I told you about the news. Just tell me, do you have a problem with that? Is this because the job will be in New York?"_

 _Well, he was half right. But I really don't wish to dwell on what I'm feeling and focus on what he was planning to do about it. This was his moment. I don't want to ruin it any further._

 _"Come on, Troye. Just forget what I said and focus on this happy occasion which deserved to be celebrated! What do you say?"_

 _"Stop it, Ty. I could feel that you're not being sincere. You can't just sweep this under the rug and pretend that everything's fine. It's so obvious that you're upset about something and I want to know what that is!" He said louder this time and stood up from the auditorium sofa, practically looming over my seated position._

 _"What do you want me to say, Troye? I told you I'm happy for you and that we should go celebrate, didn't I? Now what more do you want from me?"_

 _"Honesty, ever heard of that?" He retorted with a sarcastic tone and it stung a little. And the little sting posed as a trigger that let my insecurity monster clawed its way out. Within seconds I felt my body was heating up by the impending anger._

 _"Fine! You want honesty? Listen, Troye. I am so fucking happy for you. But you know what? The happiness that I felt for you would've been in a much larger scale if you tell me about your interactions with the record label long before today." I paused to recollect my thoughts as the first wave of word vomit made its grand entrance._

 _"Frankly, I'm not even that bothered by the fact that you will be away in New York for the job. It's the fact that I only get to hear it just this afternoon and you know how that made me feel? It's like I'm fucking unimportant in that aspect of your life. Like I don't fucking matter! I know how serious this will be for you. Trust me, I know! But you are the one who doesn't seem to get that it's equally serious for me too. So Troye, don't you dare accuse me for not being understanding." I was spewing all that was going through mind without single thread of filter and if honesty was what he wanted, honesty is what he will get._

 _"I would love to think that we're actually going on a rather stable path as boyfriends and I think this is something that we should discuss or at least share our thoughts and opinions together. You have to talk to me about these kinds of things too. But I guess I was wrong. You know that I literally tell you EVERYTHING and I just want the courtesy to be treated the same. But you know what? That's just it, isn't it? You will only tell me the things that you feel comfortable to tell me and my feelings be damned!" I was panting as I finished my pent up rants and he looked pretty dumb founded at my outpour of dissatisfaction._

 _I felt like I'm on the verge of crying and the insecurities was eating up at my self-confidence. I looked back up at Troye with my lips trembling, threatening to let out a silent sob. He was still gawking at me, seemingly shocked by my outburst and I felt a stab to my chest when I noticed a glint of guilt pass through his shocked eyes. It wasn't my intention at all to make him feel guilty about his success. I tried to change the subject and shove this to the back of my mind but he had pushed me to open up this unwanted pandora box and I can't stop, even if I wanted to._

 _"Let me ask you one question, Troye. Was I ever a factor in your decision making in regard to this?"_

 _He just stared at me with a sad look in his eyes. I sighed knowingly and I felt my last strand of hope leave me._

 _"I am not giving you an ultimatum but I felt that we need to have a few moments to ourselves to think our relationship over. And Troye... just go and chase your dream. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I couldn't be more proud of you." I managed to say all that with a calm voice. Then I stood from my seat, tip-toed my feet and gave him a peck on his cheek before I grabbed my stuff and exited the auditorium, leaving Troye behind._

 _*flashback ends*_

And that was the last time that we have spoken because as I have suspected, Troye had made the arrangement to meet with the producer the next day and he had caught a flight to New York after he had sorted out all the paperwork for leaving school early. Graduation day is tomorrow but sadly, we will not even be in the same state when we finally receive our diplomas. My mind had been constantly thinking about where our relationship is going and what do we want from each other. The status of our relationship is still unknown and it kills me every time I received any form of communication from Troye just to have to ignore them because I don't want to start something that I have no way to tell if I can finish it.

Just as I was getting all my stuff into my bag and walked towards the school hall, I heard my phone chirped with an incoming text. As I saw the name flashed on the notification, I pressed delete without reading what the text said and continue to walk in for my graduation day rehearsal.


	18. Chapter 17 - Breeding Misery

"Tyler, honey. Are you ready to go?" I heard my mom shouted from the living room as I was buttoning my shirt collar and tying a skinny black tie around it.

"Yeah mom, give me a minute!" I looked into the mirror, only seeing my forlorn self which doesn't go along with the supposedly awesome day. Graduation. I dreaded today as it only served to remind me that it has been exactly two months since Troye left for New York. It's almost comical that Troye and I have always been so excited about our graduation because we both have our own dreams and those dreams would be nearer after we have our high school diplomas in our hands. It really was comical that now we both are on the start of our path to our dreams, but we're not together, both physically and emotionally. I let out a huge sigh as I thought back on the time I've received my acceptance letter from Michigan State University to study journalism and the solemn mood I was in. Jackie had known something was going on between Troye and I and I'm grateful that she decided to not ask me about it because she knew that I needed to do it in my own terms. Shrugging off the memory, I took one last look and adjusted my tie, I carefully draped my graduation gown onto my arm and headed out to join my parents downstairs.

My dad was driving all of us to school this morning and the atmosphere in the car had never been more tensed. Between my dad constantly looking back at the back mirror to check on me and my mom fidgeting uncomfortably in the silence, I couldn't decide which was worse. Had it been any other day, I would have opted to drive in a different car but my mom decided against it. Her logic was that it will be my last day as a high schooler and I should give them one last opportunity to be their child and commute together as a family. Sigh, I would do anything to make my mom happy, even if it meant stuck in a metal moving box with my dad and keeping myself quiet.

"So, exciting day for you, Mathew?" My dad trying to break the awkward silence.

With a monotone voice, I replied my 'yeah' to him and efficiently ended all further conversation. I guess my attitude didn't sit very well with my mom as she let out a fake cough and try to start another conversation.

"So, Ty.. Will the Mellets go to the graduation? Or maybe take the diploma on behalf of Troye?"

"I don't know."

And I know that it's so not me because I'm a hardcore talker and I always have so many things that I can say to my mom but in that situation, I made no effort to explain further. I knew that was her subtle way to gauge the seriousness of the fallout between Troye and I and I don't blame her for trying. For the past few weeks, any mention of Troye would sufficiently put me in deep thoughts for hours and that was not healthy in her book. I took mercy on her attempt to make me talk, so I tried to lighten up the mood a little by engaging her in some casual topic but was rudely interrupted by my dad.

"Well, I have since met the Mellets a couple of times now, and I don't know. They seemed a little outrageous in their upbringing ways of their children. Kinda like they're too hippie to function."

"John! Stop it." My mom scolded as that comment immediately puts me back into hibernation in the backseat.

"Why, it's true, Jackie. They don't seemed too concerned about their kids getting into good college and good education, study for something that would contribute to the society. Last I heard their youngest kid's going to start homeschooling just because he wanted to accommodate his DJ lessons. I mean, what are they thinking?" He continued on with his monologue, not caring if anyone in the car was interested in listening. "And that kid Troye? Well, I'm just glad that he went to New York and you wouldn't have to stick around him anymore. God knows the rumors about you two are starting to get around."

I widen my eyes upon hearing his last sentence. I felt my anger brewing as I thought about the level of ignorance my dad was in. My body was starting to shake with rage as I thought about all the times that he had hinted to me about his fear of homosexuals. One would think that as an educator, he would be more accepting and open about the topic of different forms of sexualities that existed. From what I have gathered over my whole life, to him, the only way to go about it is accepting the body that you were born with and make use of its ultimate purpose. Any deviation from their sole purpose is considered blasphemy.

"Dad! Do you even hear yourselves sometimes? Do you hear the hurtful words that came out of your ignorant mouth? How dare you judge Troye and his family when you don't even have the time to spend it with your own family, your own son?"

"Tyler!"

I ignored my mom as I continued making eye contact with my dad through the back mirror. His anger mirrored mine but I needed to defend the people that I've come to cared for and I needed to defend Troye and what's right for us. I couldn't have a bad seed in the barrel, especially when the bad seed is my own dad.

"Is this something that you want to carry with you for the rest of your life, huh, dad? Is this something that you want your peers to shame you about when they make the assumption that it's because YOU did not spend enough time with your own child that it led him to stray from their 'normal' sexuality?" I spat my words with disgusts.

"What are you talking about, Mathew? So who cares if I think or say that Troye's gay? I'm just concerned about your well being and your reputation. If you continue to be close to that boy, it's not my opinion that you have to worry about. Trust me, you wouldn't want to be associated with those people."

"WHAT THOSE PEOPLE? WE ARE STILL PEOPLE REGARDLESS OF OUR SEXUALITY! WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AS THE NEXT AND WE FEEL THE SAME AS EVERYBODY ELSE, MAYBE EVEN MORE SO BECAUSE OF THE UNWANTED DISCRIMINATION THAT WAS FORCED UPON US BY PEOPLE LIKE YOU!"

At this point, I could care less if I was disowned by him because my anger was off the roof and frankly, I have never felt such strong need to cut off ties with him. He's like a parasite that would constantly drain you of your life and not even care.

"What did you just say?" I saw his knuckles gripping on the steering wheel turning white and he spat out his question with gritted teeth.

The truth lingered in the silence of the car, and only our heavy breaths can be heard. There's no point in denying anything anymore because no matter how many times you wish for a miracle, it will never happen. Just like I will never be straight. It was destined.

"I'm gay. And I have _been_ gay since the day I was born. Being gay is not an illness; it's not an embarrassment and most definitely not a sin! If you could blame me for not resisting to be gay, I could say the same for you because guess what genius? I CAME FROM YOU!"

Out of a sudden I heard the sound of tires skidding on the road before I felt the impact of my body being thrown sideway and hit the side door and then hurled so forcibly to the front. I hit my head on the passenger seat with a blunt force that made my head woozy. When I came about, I realized that my words have rendered my dad to make a sharp swerve onto the roadside. In the midst of his anger, he did not see the lamp post that he had collided the car into and the most unfortunate thing about his reckless action is that he did not expect my mom to take off her seat belt while we were in the middle of a heated argument. The first thing I saw was the shattered windshield that had a big gaping hole in the middle and my mom was no longer in her seat. As soon as I deduced what had happened, I quickly took off my seat belt and opened the side door to rush to where my mom was lying. The image of my mom lying on the dirty road with blood gushing out of her cracked skull was so surreal. I knelt down by her side, not knowing what to do as I helplessly watched her body shook and her mouth choked and spluttering blood down her cheeks.

"Mom? Mom, can you hear me?"

She was choking so hard that I could barely make out any word that she's trying to spit out. I leaned in closer, placing my ear just above her bloody mouth.

"T-t-ty-lerr... H-h-elp J-j-ohn..." She choked the words out and lifted her finger just an inch above the ground and pointed to the direction behind me.

As I turned my head around, I began to assess the gravity of the accident; aside from the shattered windshield, the front of the car was completely totaled. The lamp post that my dad hit was sandwiched in between the deep dent in the middle of the hood and as I trail my gaze further up, I see my dad being unconscious in the driver seat. I realized the situation had turned more dire and dangerous when I heard the creaking sound that came from the lamp post, slowly coming down and soon be landing directly onto the car. Without thinking further I ran to my dad and force open his door while I shouted his name.

"John! Dad! Wake up! Wake up!"

I tried to drag him out of the car while keeping an eye on the lamp post, willing it to stay there enough time for me to help my dad who has his legs trapped under the steering wheel. I tried to shake his body vigorously hoping it would jolt him out of his stupor. But I see that there wasn't much time left as the movement of the lamp post have gained more momentum as it tilted out of its balance and I had to summoned my last strength to heave my dad's unconscious body out of the car just before the lamp post had collapsed and proceeded to drag him to a empty ground nearby.

Once I'm sure that he will be fine, I ran back to where my mom was and was relieved that she was still breathing but barely.

"Mom! Mom please just hang on. Please, please, pleaseee... Everything will be fine and we will be fine!" I saw her sticky eyelids began to flutter close and she tried to speak again.

"T-t-ty-lerr...T-tyy.. I'm s-oo pr-proud of y-y-ou..." Proud that I saved my dad or proud of my coming out to him or proud that I'll be graduating soon, I wouldn't know. She was breathing so shallow now and she coughed out some of the blood that had been collecting in her mouth. "I..l-lo-ve..y-you..so mu-uch..." And with that, I saw the life in her eyes went away and I began repeatedly calling her name and crying hysterically while I scooped her head and upper body up to embraced it into my chest, rocking her lifeless body back and forth. And in a distance, the siren of an ambulance was approaching but all I can think of is nothing can ever bring my Queen back.


	19. TROYE POV Chapter 18 - Kiss & Miss

I've been extremely nervous today as it's the first time I'll be seeing Tyler again after losing contact for so long. Throughout the whole car journey with my family to the school, I've been trying to picture the scene of our reunion in my mind, not knowing if it will be a good surprise for Tyler or it will create another dent in our assumed hold-on relationship. I honestly don't know because I don't know the extend of his dislike for surprises even when one that involves seeing me again after such a long separation. I would want to think that he'll be ecstatic to see me, but who knows what's he going through right now?

I've really missed him dearly. I don't think I have been quite myself through the times I've spent in New York. Matthias, my producer would tell you what a hardworking intern I was but in truth, I was just burying myself in my work hoping that it would distract me from all the thoughts involving Tyler. _How is he doing? Is he eating right? Is he sleeping? Did he miss me? Why didn't he answer my calls?_ etc, etc. So instead of driving myself bonkers thinking about him, I focused on the task that made me unintentionally wrecked my love life.

I have been pestering my dad to go a little faster although we have left the house about 2 hours earlier. I just want to be early and try to be on the lookout for Tyler like a police stake out. I would rather be there 2 hours earlier than to waste another minute without talking to him. So when I reached the school, I quickly excused myself and made my way into the school hall, in search for the boy with the perfect blonde quiff. In the back of my mind, I was thinking that he might have already dyed his hair green for all I know. With him cutting off all contact with me after our dreadful fight, I really don't know much about what's going on in his life at the moment. I tried calling Jackie multiple times to ask to talk to him. She was reluctant about my requests and suggested that I gave Tyler more time and when he's ready, he will talk to me. It saddens me that we would have to come to this complete silence. I would rather we hash it all out than to just be given the cold shoulders honestly. I really hated the zero communication.

During our last encounter in the auditorium, I was pretty dumbfounded when Tyler had thrown all of his most honest thoughts at me about my behavior in regards of the job. It was quite unexpected, which was why it took longer than usual for me to process what he had told me and when the words sank into my thick skull, Tyler had already gone before I had the chance to respond. I rushed out to try and catch him while fishing out my phone and searched for his contact, but not only he's nowhere to be seen, he'd also refused to take any of my calls and put me straight through voicemail. I have considered multiple times to look for him at his home but after weighing the pros and cons of what my action would cause, I don't want to risk worsening the situation that we're already in. I knew him long enough to know that a closed-up Tyler will not respond to any unwanted outside force. So, after a thorough contemplation, I decided against dropping by his house and went home instead. I've came to think that if everything he'd said was earnest and true, then I would honor his wishes to take some time off and thought about the whole existence of our relationship.

His words stung a lot and it made me rethink about my actions and behavior, whether I've changed or maybe I wanted something different out of our relationship. A part of me was glad that Tyler had forced me to assess the situation that had become what it is now and maybe a little break from each other may benefit our relationship in the long run. After a long sleepless night, my churning brain had come to a conclusion that held equal part of feeling reluctant, sad and excitement. So, with that thought, I flew to New York the next day, hoping that the distance would be something that Tyler was asking for.

Back when I received the email from the record company that they wanted to schedule a phone interview with Matthias, I knew that I was gonna get the job. All of the research that I've been doing before applying for the job would agree with me that phone interviews had never been done before me and I was really grateful that they believe in me enough to break their norm a little. I guess all the built-up hypes and excitement have blinded me and crowded my mind because it's true that in the whole process of me researching for the job up to the point where I was about to fly to New York, I never once thought about consulting with Tyler. It pains me to know that my action had resulted in Tyler feeling unimportant and hurt. It really wasn't my intention to ignore his worth. Trust me, even though we are still both so young, I knew that he is worth it. That he is everything. That he is my world.

My heart clenched whenever I thought about Tyler. During my first few weeks of my internship, my hectic work schedule was the only think that made my stay a little bearable. I would push myself to a point where I will only stop when I have exhausted all my energy and eventually pass out tired. This way, I would not only achieve what I set myself out to do, I wouldn't have any spare time to dwell on the awful silence from Tyler. When I'm not working, I would always come back to my little shared room in lower east side, lying on my bed alone and looked earnestly at the photo of Tyler that I secretly took with my phone before he woke up on our last day in Cancun. It might not be a very flattering photo of him due to the small bump on his forehead but it was perfect for me. The photo had captured Tyler in his truest form and that's why I love it so much. That's why I love him so much. The night before had been one of my most treasured moment and the highest point of our relationship. We professed our love for each other after the most perfect unplanned love making in the most beautiful setting.

Obviously, this distance thing was starting to get to me and even more so when I have not spoken to him once since I touched down in New York. I would sometimes drop him a text, asking how was his day and that I misses him, but the reply never came back. It felt like a stab to my heart when I think that he might not even read those texts. And for the first time throughout the period we have known each other, I am _truly_ afraid that he would hate me.

Which was why when I received a call from my parents asking me about my plan for graduation, I immediately broke down because it just reminded me how important it is to be there with Tyler. Graduation symbolizes a significant growth to both of us as human and our relationship. With no more hesitation in my mind, I knew I had to go back to Tyler to fix this. I had to reassure him of my commitment to our relationship. I had to convince him that we could overcome any kind of obstacles that we may face and most importantly, I had to tell him I love him. Again and again until it gets into the thick skull of his and stays there. So after my parents had endured my sobbing mess on the phone, I immediately fired up my laptop and book the soonest flight back to Tyler.

I was looking at the time again and it was five minutes to the start of our graduation ceremony. Almost everyone in their robes was sitting in their assigned seats minus some stray ones like myself and the no show Tyler. It was odd to think that Tyler was late to this but then again, I wouldn't have known how much he had changed within these few weeks. He should have seen the text that I sent him yesterday, telling him to meet me at the side entrance of the hall. I shuddered to think if anything bad has happened to him. I was just about to call Tyler on the phone again but halted my movement as I saw Sage running frantically towards me with a face as white as a ghost. She stopped in front of where I stood, her hands were clutching onto my shoulders while she tried to catch her breath.

"Troye! Hurry! We gotta go to the hospital now. Tyler was in an accident!"

My heart dropped. I felt the warm foul bile starting to rise up to my throat, the acidic bitter taste had caused the increase of saliva in my mouth and I felt my body shivering and cold sweats starting to form on my skin. I don't now what to think but the only thing that was constantly replaying in my mind was _not him, please!_ Oh God, this cannot be happening. I looked over to Sage's worried face and nodded to her before I dragged my feet one in front of the other to follow her out of the hall to my waiting family.


	20. Chapter 19 - White Blood

As I walked into the kitchen to fix myself and Tyler a simple toast, my mom was already there, sitting at the island counter, sipping her late night tea. "Hey, ma.."

"Tok, how is he?" I heard my mom asked me when I made my way to the fridge to retrieve the bottle of Nutella and strawberry jam.

"He seemed better today, I think. He finished half of his dinner just now and he showered. To be honest, I don't know. He hasn't said many things and he's always crying." I answered, not overly confident in my assessment. "Sometimes he hides in the bathroom for hours and I'm afraid he's gonna hurt himself. I feel so helpless, ma.. How do you console a person who just lost his mom?"

"Oh Tok.. Give it some time, you will get through to him. You have to take care of him, okay Tok? He needs you." I nodded at my mom's reminder. "That poor dear.. He must be in such tremendous shock to witness all of those things..." Her voice trailing softer at the end as she started to get a little emotional over it.

This was the mood that was in the Mellet's household for a couple of weeks now. Always solemn and degrading whenever we thought about what had happened to Tyler that day. Ever since graduation day, Tyler have been staying in my house because he pleaded me to let him stay. It was a no brainer that I would be more than happy to accommodate his request especially when I have been wanting the same thing. The decision to let him stay with us was highly supported by my whole family so with the help of my parents, we made a short trip back to his place the next day and grab a few necessities from his house.

There's no way I'll let him go back to his place especially not knowing how his dad was taking everything. Although Tyler has not spoken about the incident on that horrible day, we've managed to piece a little together from the whispers that I've heard here and there. And also the police report on the accident. But I couldn't help but think that there are more to what had happened that made him stay in the trance that he's in right now. It's like a cycle of grief that Tyler couldn't seemed to get out of. He would wake up in the morning, staring blankly into nothingness for a couple of hours, his face will remain emotionless and his eyes, oh.. his eyes would be so empty, giving nothing to the world except for the silent tears that streamed down his cheeks. And after he was fresh out of tears, he would sleep it off until he awoke and the cycle began again. I'm not sure if I'll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon but it gave me a tiny relieve that he seemed responsive when I tried to engage him in small talks, although his replies were never in sentences longer than three words.

After the brief talk with my mom, I carried the 2 sets of toasts in a plate and went upstairs to my room to check up on Tyler. My heart started to beat a little faster when I saw an empty bed where he would usually be in at this time of the night. Then, soon enough I heard the shower in my bathroom running and I hope to God that he's in there. I peeked a little through the opened bathroom door and the image that I saw quickly broke my heart into pieces. He was sitting in the middle of the bathtub naked, with his arms wrapping his knees to his chest tightly and his head resting on his bent knees. His hair was plastered onto his forehead due to the streams of water showering down from the nozzle and his body was shaking vigorously. I cautiously went over and knelt on the bathroom floor beside the tub, slowly placing my hand onto his wet shoulder and subtly alerting him of my presence.

"Tyler... The water's getting cold. How long have you been here? I don't want you to get sick, babe.."

He lifted his head slowly to look at my face, his expression empty. I locked my eye contact with him for a few moments until I saw a dim light flickered in his bloodshot eyes that tells me he finally registered what I had said. "Yes. I feel cold." He said but not moving from his spot. I tried again.

"Why don't you get out from there? I'll get you some towels and you'll feel better when you have some hot drink in you. Come, I prepared toasts for us." I spoke so softly as to not alarm him.

I saw him shake his head indicating he's not ready to get out of the tub yet before he spoke again. His voice so low, I could barely hear him. "I'm still dirty."

My heart tugged so hard, it made it difficult to catch my breath. His words brought me back to the time my family and I rushed to the hospital as soon as Sage had informed me of the accident. The hysterical state that Tyler was in when I found him was still haunting me to this day. He was crouched on the floor by the corridor of the emergency room, wailing and shouting nonsensical phrases to himself. I almost couldn't recognize him until I heard Jackie's name coming out of his mouth and he repeatedly uttering sorrys into the air. I still don't know what to think of it when I took in his appearance which frankly was pretty frightening to me. He had a few cuts and bruises around his head and face and his shirt was dirtied with so much blood that I prayed so hard doesn't belong to him. His shirt that I believe was once white were now stained with muddy red all over his torso.

 _*flashback*_

 _"Oh my god, TYLER!" I shouted as I ran over and crouched beside him. His face showed his utter disbelief that he was in fact seeing me and I'm not just a fiction of his imagination. It broke me but I have no time for that._

 _"Troye? Is it really you? OHMYGODTROYEE!_

 _He slammed his body into my open arms and clutching tightly to me as he began crying uncontrollably. I tried to shush him by caressing his back and whispered comforting words into his ear. "Shhh... It's okay, baby.. I'm right here.. It's okay.."_

 _"Oh my God, Troye, oh God.. she's gone, my mom's gone.. She's dead! And It's all my fault! Nooo, Troye... Everything is my fault! There's blood everywhere.. SO MUCH BLOOD! I can't! N-noo-ooooo!" He continued his loud rambling and choked in his own tears against my chest._

 _I don't know what's the right thing to do when one is put in a position to comfort someone in extreme grief. I just had to follow my heart and listen to what it tells me to do when the boy that I love seemed to be in so much pain and misery right now. I tighten my gripped around his body, trying to give him a sense of calmness in my strong embrace, hoping to imitate the calming effect of a baby being swaddled. I showered his face with gentle kisses, murmuring soothing words and just BE there with him._

 _I looked over to where my family was standing, tears were rolling down their cheeks too as they witnessed the scene in front of them. I saw my dad talking to a doctor to get a better understanding of the whole incident before gazing back at us on the floor, giving me small nod and ushered my family out of the hospital. I brought my attention back to my love, kissed the side of his forehead lovingly and scooped him up into my arms in bridal style._

 _"Come on, baby.. Let's go home.."_

 _*flashback ends*_

I've decided on the day I found him in the hospital that I would do everything to help him get through this tough time. So I stood and stripped out of my clothes and threw it on the pile where Tyler's was. I placed the tub plug in the drainer before I adjusted the familiar hot water dial of my shower and went behind his small frame and position him in between my legs.

"Then let's get clean together, okay Tilly?" I said to him and took the bathing sponge and dip it in the now half-full tub and squeeze the warm water onto his back and repeated the action until I can feel his body heat returning. We stayed in the tub for as long as he wanted and after the many times I've helped him scrubbed off the imaginative dirt on his body, he finally let me help him out of the tub and hopefully have a good night rest.


	21. Chapter 20 - Guilt Monster

As the days went by, Tyler had slowly returning to his old self but still with a hint of repressed sorrow and guilt. Guilt about what? I couldn't be sure. But all I know that he's slowly progressing and I was there all step of the way. I cried with him, grieved with him, love him and when the time comes, I will be there to accept the reality together with him.

Tyler was currently laying in my bed with me, his head on my chest and his hands were trailing the letters printed on the front of my jumper. This was a new thing that we did, it's something that would make him feel more peaceful at night before going to bed. He said that he needed to fall asleep to the sound of my beating heart and I would gladly comply to all of his wishes if it meant to make him happy.

"Troye.." I felt his warm breath against my chest as he whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I need to go and get some stuff at my house. Will you go with me?" He asked so cautiously it broke my heart a little, as if he's afraid that I would say no. So before I answered him, I grabbed his chin and tilted his face to lock eyes with me.

"Where wouldn't I go with you?" And I leaned down to give him a kiss before we both let out a sigh.

So the next day after having our breakfast, I told my mom what our plan is today. She kindly reminded us to bring our keys as she and my younger siblings will be accompanying my dad to a luncheon and they won't be home until late evening.

It took about 15 minutes or so before we reach Tyler's house and the first thing that we noticed were the stack of untouched mails and newspapers on the front porch and it was quite telling what we would be seeing when we enter the house. True enough, the house was in a pretty bad state. It stunk of stale alcohol and cigarette smoke and that wasn't the worst part of it. Dirty clothes were strewn across every room in the house, shards of glasses from broken picture frames and vases all over the floor, there's empty liquor bottles on the couch, the coffee table even in the kitchen sink. In other words, it was unrecognizable. I looked over to Tyler, his face was as blank as possible and then he made his way straight to his room, not wanting to be in this mess of a house any longer than necessary.

Fortunately, his room was just as before, only now with an almost empty closet because Tyler had been shoving as many clothes as possible into a duffel bag. I took a seat on the corner of his bed, waiting for him to be done getting whatever it is that he needed.

"Ty, do you need any help?" I asked as he went into the bathroom to get more stuff.

"Uh, yeah. Could you get my passport and some documents from the drawer by the table? It's all in the blue folder in the top drawer." He shouted back from the bathroom.

I immediately spotted the blue folder that he mentioned under some letters and a notebook. Just as I was trying to get the folder out, I saw one of the opened letter with the Michigan State University logo at the front and I took it with me.

"Ty, I got the folder! And I also got the letter."

"What letter?" He came to me to find out what I was referring to. His expression changed from a light frown to an angry grunt when he realized which letter that I'm holding.

"Leave it. I don't need it."

"But, Ty. This is your..."

"I said LEAVE IT!" He shouted and proceeded to take the blue folder from me and carried the duffel bag to get out of the room.

I stood there in the middle of the room with the letter still in my hand and I immediately grind through the wheels in my mind about the reason behind his little outburst. I knew for a fact that this was an acceptance letter for him to study journalism because it has been the only subject that he applied for in Michigan State University. So, to see his behaviour like that was a little uncalled for. Which was why I've decided that instead of leaving it behind, I just tugged it into my jeans and hoping to have a better time to bring this up. Just as I was exiting his room, I heard some shouting downstairs and went to check what's the commotion was about.

As I neared the bottom of the stairs, I heard two sets of voices screaming angrily at each other on top of their lungs.

"Get the fuck out of my house, you ungrateful son of a bitch!" I was shocked to hear the words that Mr Oakley was saying. I saw him standing at the hallway, his arms was perched on one side of the wall, as though he needed some support to stand upright. He wasn't looking very good. He looked like he haven't showered or shaven in weeks, his eyes were bloodshot and his words were slurring a little. How much has he been drinking?

"Fuck you! It's my house too. But right now it looked more like a pig sty and you are living in it!" Tyler were just standing about a few feet away from him.

"Who do you think you are that you can just waltz back in here whenever you want, huh? _You disgust me!_ " Mr Oakley retorted back.

"Don't worry asshole! I'd rather peel off all the skin on my body before I step into this filthy house ever again! I'm just here to get all my stuff and this will be the last time I will be back here if it was up to me." Tyler spatted his words angrily and quickly added, "What happened to you, huh? You didn't even go to mom's funeral!"

It was true. My family has been helping Tyler to arrange all the funeral plans and Tyler had been the one notifying all of his family and friends. On the day of the funeral, his dad didn't even show up.

"Don't you DARE mentioned your mom, you faggot! DON'T YOU DARE! This is ALL YOUR FAULT, you fucking shit! If it wasn't for you and your little performance, we wouldn't be here right now and your mom wouldn't have died!"

I let out a shocking gasp, not knowing what to think of the information that Mr Oakley just spat out. I looked over at Tyler again, his face was so red, he looked like he's about to explode. "Mom died because YOU rammed the car into a fucking lamp post! Mom died because YOU decided to risk all our lives by not paying attention while you drive. And MOM DIED BECAUSE I FUCKING PULLED YOUR UNCONSCIOUS ASS OUT OF THE DAMN CAR WHEN I COULD HAVE USED THE TIME TO SAVE HER!"

Suddenly I saw Mr Oakley charged towards Tyler like a mad man provoked and he grabbed Tyler's neck with one hand and slammed his body against the wall with such a force I thought it would break the wall.

"TYLER!" I quickly ran over to where they were and tried to yank Mr Oakley's hand from Tyler's neck. Tyler was choking a little from the force that Mr Oakley's was putting on his neck and I shoved and pulled and screamed at Mr Oakley to get Tyler away from him. "STOP IT! MR. OAKLEY YOU'RE HURTING HIM! STOP IT, STOP IT!"

As I was about to bite his arm as my last resort, he seemed to jumped back as if he had been electrocuted and he was breathing heavily. I quickly hugged Tyler's body to me and checked if he's alright. "Oh shit. Tyler, are you okay?" He just nodded his head as he was clutching onto his neck protectively. But I was still worried because he's still panting harshly trying to catch his breath.

I've never understood Tyler's relationship with his dad but I would never in a million years think that this kind of thing would actually happen. I just can't believe anybody would want to harm Tyler and he's his son! I had to control my temper right now for Tyler's sake because I don't want to make this situation any more outrageous than it already is.

I grabbed his duffel bag and starting to walk out of the house before the dazed Mr Oakley spoke again.

"Get your stupid mails before you leave and don't ever step back in here ever again."

I looked over to the stack of unopened letter on the floor addressed to Tyler just by the door, scooped them up in my hands ushered Tyler out of there. Just as we exited the door, I heard Mt Oakley muttered in a low but audible voice.

"Murderer.."

I cringed as I heard it, hoping Tyler didn't but when I felt his body tensed in my arm, telling me that there's no mistaking that he definitely heard that hurtful accusation.


	22. Chapter 21 - Lusty Angst

Tyler was silent all the way home. He was silent, but I could still see his body shaking a little, probably caused by the adrenaline from before. But the look on his face told me that he was still in shocked over what had happened, just like I was. _I would have to talk to my dad about helping Tyler get a restraining order or something._ I thought discreetly to myself. It could be dangerous for Tyler especially right now that Mr Oakley's always drunk. I shuddered to even think about what could have happened if Tyler went alone this morning.

When we reached home, he immediately sped to the bathroom downstairs and began to hurl all of the breakfast from this morning into the toilet bowl. I was patting his back and trying to sooth him from all his choking and sobbing and when he was done, I forced him to drink a whole glass of water, afraid that he would be dehydrated from all the hurling before I carried him into the living room to place him onto the couch. He was clutching tightly to my shirt, not letting it go and I knew what he needed. I scooped him up again and sat down on the couch, with him sitting on my lap. His face was buried into my chest and he continued crying soundly as I continued to hug him tightly in my arms.

Just as I thought he had maybe fallen asleep in my arms, I felt him started to move his hands away from my chest and trailed them up my shoulders. He was looking at me earnestly and so vulnerably that I had to stop for a moment to take in his face and tried to read what's going through his mind.

Any other times it would be pretty easy for me to read him, like when he needed me to give him a little kiss, or when he needed me to make him laugh. But I just couldn't be sure the intention that he was trying to convey to me right now. Before I could ask him, he suddenly brought forward his hands to cup my cheeks and planted his lips onto mine while he repositioned himself to straddle my lap. It took me a second to register what he was doing before I moved my lips in sync with his and taking it slow, enjoying the soft sliding of our wet lips together. I let out a gasp when I felt his teeth nipping at my bottom lip and he took this opportunity to let his tongue explore my mouth. As we kissed, he was grinding his hips onto my lap and his hands were quickly at the edge of my jeans, struggling to open the button and sliding the zipper down. I don't know what to think of his behavior as I felt that this was escalating too fast and we're still sitting on the couch in the living room.

"Ty, babe.. What are you doing?" I asked with my panted breath.

"What do you think I'm doing, Troye? I want you."

He said and began to connect our lips in a bruising kiss again, ignoring my questioning tone and this time his hands were traveling under my shirt and was touching my bare skin desperately. His fingers were playing with my now hard nipples and to have his hips constantly gyrating against my loins, I couldn't help but let out a needy moan. The pleasure that he was provoking was undeniably hard to resist and I had to make a quick decision before any awkwardness ensue. So, I grabbed his arms to push him slightly away to lock his lusty eyes with mine.

"Tyler, you're emotional right now. Are you sure you want to do this?" I hope to God he won't take this the wrong way.

"I need you, Troye. I need to feel something else other than this. Please..." I saw his demeanor changed from lusty to scared and I was utterly destroyed that he thought I wouldn't have want him. Of course I want him. I would always want him but this is not necessarily the best time to show him.

"Troye.. p-pleasee.. D-don't reject m-me.." He said timidly.

I felt my last resolve slipping away as I looked at his watery eyes and trembling lips and I knew what I had to do. I gestured for him to stand up and I held his hand in mine before we went upstairs to my room. As we entered, I locked the door behind me and went to stand in front of Tyler, all the while keeping eye contact with him. Then I began to undress him slowly as he did me until we were both in only our underwear and starting to move towards the bed. He started to sob a little and I swooped in to catch the tears that was rolling down his cheeks, licking the salty wetness off of his cheeks and then redirected my mouth to his. I felt him wrapped around my torso and tried to reduce any space in between our bodies. He moaned as I dominated his mouth and I felt his length stirred to life as both our body temperature increases and started to form a thin layer of moisture on our connected skin. I wanted to make him feel all the pleasure that I could arouse from him so I grabbed onto his butt and giving them a little squeeze before pushing it forward to let our lengths meet. He let out a soft moan and I kind of felt a little let down to hear because the old Tyler would be more responsive than that. The old Tyler would have no shame in voicing out his lusty pleasures. I needed to hear the old Tyler again.

Not allowing him to think anything less, I pushed him to lay down on the bed behind him gently and began to crawl on all four to position my body above his. I gave him a reassuring smile and ducked down to shower sweet kisses on his torso, starting from his collarbone and making my way down until I reached his chest. I was tracing the outline of his more prominent ribs on each side and I had to surpress my heartbreak when I thought about how much weight he had lost since a couple of weeks ago. Tyler remained silent below me and only letting out short gasps occasionally when I hit a more sensitive spot on his skin. _No. This will not do it._ I felt a surge of anger towards myself for not accomplishing what I needed to do and I planned out a more aggressive approach. I trailed my tongue further down until I was at the edge of his underwear and I smiled to myself when I heard his breath hitched as my mouth began to get nearer to his length.

"Troye.. p-please.."

I nodded, not caring if he saw me as I proceeded to hooked my fingers under the elastic of his underwear and exposing his now fully hard length to me. I dragged his underwear all the way down lay it down on the floor beside the bed and my hands went to grab his length in an instant. He was moaning a little louder when I bent my head down to place a gentle kiss on his tip and licked it. I was rolling my tongue in my mouth, tasting the salty dew of his pre-cum as Tyler watched me. He was panting a little faster now as his dark eyes trailed my movement and if he enjoyed watching my previous action, I would give him a show. I stuck my tongue back out and placed it at the very bottom of his balls and began licking my way up and leaving a wet path of my saliva across the underside of his beautiful length. The moans that he was producing now was slowly fueling my confidence. His hands immediately snapped to grabbed my hair as I wrapped my lips around his tip, and slowly moving it downwards until I engulfed him whole.

"Ahhhh, Troye.." He cursed as his tip hit my throat and I began to suck him harder, bopping my head up and down, alternating between my mouth and my hands. His hips began to trash uncontrollably but before he could cum, I released his length from my mouth and it was now standing tall, red and glistening with my saliva.

"I need you. Please I need you.." He pleaded as he was looking at me, desperate searching for his high. I nodded again, this time knowing that we was watching me and I went over to my bedside drawer to grab a condom and lube. I was a little startled when he caught my hand and shook his head while a slight tint of red began to color his cheeks.

"Troye, I wanna feel you." My eyes widen as I realized his intention. " Are you sure, babe? I mean, don't you wanna be cautious about this?"

"I haven't been with anyone else. Have you?" He questioned.

Then it all clicked. What he needed right now is not some sleazy, meaningless fuck where he could get lost in the feeling of all the pleasures. What he needed right now, was the reassurance that he has been searching for through the intimacy with another human being. The feeling of wanted, cherished and loved. After being in his own cocoon of grieves and sorrows for so long, he's disconnected from all of his emotions. That's why he hasn't been his old self. That's why the old Tyler that would laugh at the silliest of things was no where to be found. And the aftermath of seeing his dad again this morning has somewhat forced his emotions to surface again and he just needed to release them in other forms. Overwhelmed. He was overwhelmed with all the feelings that came bombarding back into his little fragile heart. And now I only have one goal. Make him happy again.

I let go of all my inhibitions and I gave him a passionate kiss, ready to partake in the sensual dance between our tongues and our bodies. I dropped my underwear before I retrieved the lube from the drawer and proceed to resumed my position above him again. Tyler was getting a little restless judging by the shakiness of his groans when I purposefully touched his bare length with mine.

"Turn over and lie on your stomach, babe.." I ordered and he soon complied. I squeezed an appropriate amount of lube onto my fingers before spreading them on his entrance and onto my ready length. He hissed a little as I began to push two fingers into his entrance at once at a slow but steady pace and then speeding it up as soon as I felt his muscles began to relax. He was now moaning much louder, but his moans were muffled by the pillow. _Not acceptable._ I pulled out my fingers and I heard him let out a disappointed whimper. I leaned down to kiss the side of his neck before I took his earlobe into my mouth and sucked it harshly. "I'm gonna fuck you now, babe.. And I wanna hear you.."

I felt a new surge of lust went through me as I spread his cheeks apart to see the pink entrance glistening with lube and it looked utterly beautiful and inviting. I didn't realize I was lost in my thought until Tyler began to call my name in a whiny tone. "Hurry up Troye.. take me.. pleasee.." Not wanting to prolong the teasing any longer, I pushed my length into him and slowly feeling the friction of my length sliding against his inner wall and soon we were connected as one, not knowing where I began or where he ended. The tightness that I was feeling was overwhelming me so much that I'm afraid I will not be able to hold out for very long. _Fuck he's so tight._ I gave myself a moment to adjust to the burst of heighten pleasures shooting through my body but Tyler seemed to have another idea as he was moving his hips, pushing himself back resulting in a deeper penetration of my length into him.

"Tyler... Shittt..! I'm not gonna last if you keep doing that.."

"Just fuck me, Troye.. I need to feel you.." He continued to wiggled his hips and I let out a loud groan before I steadied his hips with my hands. I took a deep breath before I began to pull out and left the tip in and thrust forward in one go until I was balls' deep again. The warmth that wrapped around my length coupled with the tightness of his muscles were too delicious for my mind to function properly. I began thrusting my hips back and forth and I was beginning to breathe a little harder, feeling my knees getting a little weaker, grunted a little louder and my lust growing stronger.

"Yes.. yess.. yess... Harder, babe.. Pleaseee...I'm gonna cum.." He keened as I shifted my hip a little and continued my hip movements. I bit down on my lip, trying to hold on to the control of my body as I began giving him sharp, hard thrusts that he needed and soon he cried out as he teetered over the edge and I felt my own impending high nearing. With just a few more push, I feel my own load shooting into Tyler and I literally saw white as the pleasure washed over me like hot lava. The muscles in my body started to feel like jelly and I soon collapsed on top of Tyler. I tried to get up, not wanting to crush Tyler but he stopped before I moved a muscle.

"Stay." And I did. I gave him a kiss on the back of his neck before I laid down as comfortable as I can on top of him and soon we both found our sleep after a long exhausting day.


	23. Chapter 22 - Breakthrough

I was woken up by the cool air against my exposed butt. I began stretching my arm and move around the vicinity of where I'm currently lying down to try and grab the covers to keep my body away from the coldness. When I was unsuccessful on the mission, I rubbed my sleepy eyes and looked over at the digital clock on my bedside table to see the time showing it's almost two in the morning. _We slept through dinner time? We must have been really burned-out._ I pushed myself up a little to see Tyler sleeping soundly underneath me and this was the most peaceful I've seen him in a long time. And below him was the cover that I've desperately been searching for just moments ago. But my gaze quickly returned to his moon lit face and I began to observe his beautiful face. His eyelids were closed and his long lashes were forming half moon on his cheeks. Every muscles on his face were relaxed like a baby in a dreamless tranquility. I can't help but to lean down to place a light kiss on his jaw and inhaled the scent that is so Tyler.

My action had unfortunately roused him from his deep sleep as his eyeslids began to flutter and his eyelashes swept across the pillow that he was resting on.

"Hey babe, I'm sorry I wake you. Go back to sleep." I cooed at him as I removed myself from his back and laid down beside him on the bed.

He let out a long sigh and stretched his body before he turned around to face me. "Hmm, it's okay. I had a good sleep. And to be honest, it was the best sleep I've had in a while."

I smiled at his relaxed demeanor, my blank mind was focusing of the strands of hair that my fingers were twirling around and I secretly loved the feeling of my fingers running through his soft hair. After a moment of silence had passed, I saw his lips stretched into a thin line and his nose flared as he inhaled, indicating that he got something to say.

"Thank you, Troye. For everything. I wouldn't have been able to go through all of these without you and your family."

"Oh, baby.. Of course. You know I'd do anything for you, right? And with what happened to you, it wasn't something that you deal with alone."

"What did I do to deserve you?" He said with his voice so low, I couldn't be quite sure if he intended for me to hear him. But then his eyes were searching for mine again. "You must have so many questions, about that day. I know I haven't said much and I'm really sorry to keep you guys in the dark. But it was just a little hard to think about what happened that day but then this morni-"

"Tyler, stop. You don't have to say anything that you're not ready to say. I'd understand, baby. We'd understand. I've not personally experienced what you've experienced and I couldn't possibly say that I know what you're going through." He wanted to look away from my gaze when I voiced my concerns for him but I didn't let him. I placed my hand gently onto his cheek, successfully holding his head in the position I wanted it to be. He then placed his hand over mine and intertwined our fingers together before he moved them from his cheek to rest them against his lips.

"It was my fault."

He whispered the words against my palm. Then he continued to tell me all of the spews of hatred and disgusts that were thrown between the two of them, how he continously provoked his dad, knowing exactly which button to push and eventually led to the terrible accident. As I was listening to him rehashing all the details, my heart ached for him. I knew from his tone that he indeed thought he held all the responsibility for his mother's death. But he couldn't be more wrong.

"Tyler.. It's not your fault. It's no ones fault. It's just an unfortunate thing that happened. Don't you dare carry that kind of weight with you, Ty.. I won't let you!"

"BUT IT IS! It is my fault! If I had not been arguing with him, if I had control my anger better then the accident could have been avoided! He wouldn't have lost control of his temper and he wouldn't hit the lamp post and my mom.. she.. she wouldn't have taken off her seat belt and she wouldn't be thrown out of the car, sh- she wouldn't have died. I KILLED HER, TROYE!" He was getting more and more hysterical and started to cry but I tried my best to calm him down.

"Shhhh.. Ty.. Stop.." I said as I sat up on the bed to pull his shuddering body to me and wrapped my arms protectively around him. "Listen to me. You cannot think about all the ifs and all the could haves, would haves and should haves. They are gonna drive you crazy and eat you alive."

His body was still shaking in my arms and I have to find a way to get to him. I pushed him into the bed roughly and seated myself on his lower stomach, my legs on both sides of his waist and I clutched his head to make sure he was making full eye contact with me when I said it.

"Tyler, TYLER! Look at me.. If you can't do this for yourself then do this for me, babe.. You can't think like that, okay? Don't drown yourself in this whirlpool of guilt. It breaks my heart to see you like this and it breaks my soul to know that you think like this.. Please, pleaseee believe me when I say it's most definitely NOT your fault. I'm not trying to downplay the seriousness of it but it is what it is. _An accident._ And your words? It might have been directed at him on purpose but he's an adult. He should know better."

He seemed to be deep in thought, processing what I've just said to him and suddenly a sob broke again and tears welled in his eyes before he grabbed my face to pull me down to kiss his trembling lips. I poured my heart put into the kiss, hoping that he would know how much I loved him, how much I need him to believe me and if I need to do that for the rest of my life, I would. He gave me one last long kiss before pushing me away slightly to catch our breaths and I rested my forehead on his, our lips only inches apart.

"I'm scared, Troye. I'm scared that everytime I close my eyes, I would see her dead eyes looking back at me and condemning me for being an undeserving son! It's so horrible!"

"Tyler.. Don't be afraid.. I will be here with you for as long as you need me to and I'm not going anywhere. I promise." He looked at me so earnestly before he nodded and I leaned down to connect our lips again as a seal to my promise.


	24. Chapter 23 - Light

"Honey, I'm homeeee.."

I heard Tyler's voice sang from the living room of our little apartment. I'm currently still working on some new songs in our room and trying out some melody to go with them. It sucks that I have been at it for a couple of hours now but I seemed to be stuck on something, somewhere. Today just wasn't my day.

"Babe.. Still working on the songs?"

I heard him coming from behind before he wrapped his arms over my shoulders and planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek.

"Yeahhh..." I drawled a little to emphasize my frustration. "This particular song's a bitch to write. I've been going at it for almost four hours and it's just not coming to me. Legit question, how do you write a song about drama and make it modern pop?"

As I finished my sentence, I heard him chuckled. "Just scrap it off and start new, babe. That's what I would do.." Tyler retrieved his arms and I find myself being swung around in my chair, only to have him sit onto my lap and his hands returned to my neck. He gave me a big smile before swooping in to pepper a sweet kiss onto my pouting lips.

"Hi, Troye Sivan." He greeted me.

I giggled and went along with it. "Hi, Tyler Oakley."

"So... I have a _very_ important question to ask you, Troye Sivan."

Tyler had only started calling me by my middle name because I used it for my work. And he only calls me by my middle name when he's feeling playful. He seemed to be extremely playful now. I approve.

"Ask away, Tyler Oakley."

"So... What do you wanna have for dinner?"

I laughed out loud upon hearing his question and I could feel the tension slowly leaving my body. It's always good to have him around and make me forget about all my stress. He felt like... _home_.

It has been about six months when we signed the lease to our current apartment. It was actually Tyler's idea to have a space of our own. After he had been staying in my parents' house for a couple of months after the accident, he felt like he needed to get onto his own feet again and move on. I was totally on board with the idea and after long discussion with my parents and Tyler, I decided to move in with him.

A few days after his encounter with his dad, we have gotten a restraining order for his dad. He was pretty determined to cut off all ties with his dad and I can't fault him for wanting that. Not after what I've seen in the Oakley's household the other day. I understand where he was coming from and I supported his decision. I know this was not something to be taken lightly and to be honest, I was a little worried that it would somehow back fire but I must say, seeing his bright smiles again seemed to cancel out all my worries.

But truthfully, I am always worried about him. It has almost been a year since his mom passed away and we have had a whirlwind of onslaught of emotions constantly present in our lives. When I retrieved the stack of unopened mails from Tyler's house, we found a letter from Jackie's estate attorney requesting for Tyler's presence in their office to finalize the will that she had previously left. That came as a shock because although wills are common, it's just something that you don't associate with yourself. But we should have seen it coming and when we called up the office to arrange a meeting, I promised that I will be there with him.

 _*flashback*_

 _"What's taking them so long?" Tyler asked while fidgeting frantically in his seat in the attorney's office._

 _"I don't know, probably just finishing some paperwork?" It sounded more like a question but before it could pose any kind of relaxation for Tyler, the door suddenly opened and we both jumped a little in our seats._

 _"Sorry for the wait Mr Oakley. I'm Ronald Fichback, your mother's estate attorney."_

 _"Tyler is fine."_

 _"Right. So, Tyler. As you know, the purpose for this meeting today is very straight forward. You're here for the reading of your mother's will and under normal circumstances I am only legally able to read it in front of you with the presence of your father but as you have explained about the restraining order then I guess this will have to do. So, shall we begin?"_

 _The attorney was speaking like a bullet train. I looked over at Tyler's grimmed face and immediately grabbed his hand on his lap and giving it a squeeze to give him a little reassurance. Then the attorney began to converse in strings of legal terms but the only thing that we understood was that Jackie's had left the diners with him other than her car and some cash. And ten minutes later, I was walking a dazed Tyler out of the attorney's office to my car._

 _"What am I gonna do with the diner, Troye? I don't know about the first thing about managing a diner. What's she thinking to hand grandma's diner to me? ME? What if I destroyed it?" He began rambling._

 _"Tyler, calm down... We'll figure this out when we get home, okay? We'll inform my parents about this and ask for their advice. Besides, you've grown up with the diner, babe. It's gonna be fine. If anybody knows anything about food, it's you."_

 _"This is the diner we're talking about. Oh shit, how could I have been so out of it for so long? I'm so into my own little world and didn't think about the outside reality for even a secon- OH MY GOD, TROYE!"_

 _I was startled by his sudden change of volume of his voice and he yanked my arm really hard._

 _"Troye, you came back before you finished your internship.. And.. you never went back.." I saw his face turned guilty as realization hit him about my current employment status. No, he shouldn't feel guilty about this._

 _"Tyler.. babe.." I lifted my hand to his face and tried to release his bottom lip that he was biting so hard on. "Hey.. it's not what you think.. I was being so miserable when I'm in New York. There's not a day that I didn't think about you or about us. Sure, it seemed like a dream job at the time but then I realized it wasn't really my dream job if it meant being away from you. I was already on my way back to you and then graduation happened and it just sorta went from there and I didn't think it would be appropriate to mention it to you until now."_

 _He let out a gasp and was looking at me like a kid meeting his hero for the first time and I feel unworthy of his admiration. I didn't do it for anybody else. I did it for myself because I'm weak and I need to be with him._

 _"Troye... I.." He began to speak and I had to intercept it._

 _"Tyler, everything will be okay. It will be okay because we're together now and we're gonna move forward and face whatever obstacles that may come our way. Starting from the diner." I ended my sentence with a cheeky wink, hoping to pull him out of his worry and churning mind. I was so glad when he smiled and gave a little nod, I even spotted a little blush. I think, my Tyler is coming back._

 _*flashback ends*_

"Troye? TROYE!"

I got so distracted with my own thoughts that I forgot I still have a very attention seeking Tyler on my lap. "Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking."

"Oh, I hope you're thinking about what you wanna eat for dinner."

"Hmmm... I know what I wanna eat for dinner." I said suggestively.

"Oh my God, Troye! You have the lamest sexual puns ever!" He stood up and made his way out of the room, with him laughing all the way.

 _Well, I'm glad I could amuse you._


	25. Chapter 24 - Fun Times

It's funny how we're acting so domesticated even though we've only been living together for six months or so. Every morning we would both get up and Tyler would go out for a run and I would be checking my emails, have my fix of morning coffee and wait for Tyler to finish his run. Then we would be having breakfast together before he went about his business at the diner and I would be at home writing, composing and recording demos for some freelancing work. We sort of fell into this comfortable routine effortlessly and sometimes it gave me chills to think about how far we've come. It has been two years and three months to be exact, since we started our relationship as boyfriends and honestly, I have always been envisioning our future together, though not exactly like how it is today, but judging by all the events that had happened leading to this point, I would say that it went kinda well for us.

I know for some, being in a relationship for a little bit more than two years seemed pretty fast to be making the commitment to live together like we did, but I guess the difference about our relationship was that we have had a strong bond as friends before we ever thought we would be a couple. The attractions that we have for each other has only grown stronger and strengthen by the events that we've gone through together. There is not a day I would not look at Tyler and think that he is the most courageous and strong person I've ever met, or the most funny, or the most thoughtful, or the most reliable, or the most sexy.

 _Oh, sexy._ That he is. I think Tyler must have cooked up some plans to get back at me with all the teasing I've done to him in the past. Every little thing that he does, seemed pretty innocent at first but it will stealthily turned into a tease. Like how he would be washing the dishes and then he would casually bend over to turn on the tap and expose his jean-clad butt for my view, or he would stretch his body in the morning when he just woke up and let out a low, satisfying moan. And the one thing that always made me crazy is when he would finish his shower and just walk around the apartment in just a towel wrapped around his waist, looking all wet and stuff. I was being an absolute gentlemen, thinking that he needed time to nurse himself from grief and his daddy issues which is why I had to bite my tongue and control myself when faced with these kind of situations. Even the slightest form of unintentional sexual innuendos would put my mind into an overdrive and I would have to stay at home and bask in my sexual frustration while he would just be out and about, God knows what he's doing out there after he had me so worked up. I just have to come to a conclusion that he's not really aware of what his actions does to me. _Or does he?_

To be honest, the thought that he might be doing them on purpose was quite far from my mind. Not until one night when I heard him scream bloody murder from our bedroom that had me rushed out from the bathroom and ran towards him. He was comically standing on the armchair beside our bed with a baseball bat looking around frantically like he had just seen a ghost.

"Babeeeeee, help!" His voice was whiny but close enough to pass off as cooing.

After the initial panic had wore off, I began to see that he was only in his tight briefs and he's just standing there on the chair and holding the bat, currently on display like nude art model for me. And I... Well, I was lucky that I was done with my shower and I was brushing my teeth in my sweats when I heard him shouted. I had to clear my throat before I spoke. "W-what's wrong, Ty? Why are you holding the bat and who are you intending to swing it at?"

"Ohh babeee, come here.. Help me _pleaseee_.. I think I saw a spider somewhere.." He whined again. He looked genuinely scared so without thinking anymore inappropriate thoughts, I went nearer to him and my eyes were darting all around to see if I can spot the spider that he was talking about. As I stood in front of him, he dropped the bat onto the floor suddenly with a loud thud and then proceed to jumped onto me. Thank God for my quick reflex to catch him or else I would have dropped him on his butt. He was currently wrapped around my body like a koala bear, arms around my neck and legs around my waist, with only a thin briefs and sweat pants separating our lower bodies. I caught a whiff of his scent that I came to love so much and it didn't do any good for calming my growing thirst for this man.

"Troye, do you see it? It's sooo big I swear I thought it's a dog prank in the elevator!" He spoke into my neck, his arms and leg wrapping tighter around me, crushing our bodies impossibly close. I turned to look around the room while my hands were supporting his butt but I don't see any spiders, especially none that is as big a size of a fucking dog. He must be dreaming or something.

"Tyler, I've looked everywhere. Where is the last time you've seen it?" Instead of hearing his reply, he let out a sound that I most least expected, a giggle. _This cheeky little shit is toying with me._ I began to hoist him up to have a better grip on his slipping body before I move towards the nearest wall and slam him against it. He was now looking at me with a sly grin on his face, his hands slowly trailed from my neck to my shoulders and ended drawing circled on my chest. His touch was sending tingles down my spine but I bit back my moan to give him a intimidating glare. "You know... I think I found the spider. You're right, it's big..."

"Uh-huh.. it's big.. and it's really, _reaally scaarry.._ Help me, babeee.." His coos were obvious now.

I leaned nearer to his face and brushed my lips across his jaw and proceeded to his neck before latching on the sensitive spot that I have came to know so well. He let out a gasp then a soft moan before his hands went to tangle in my still wet hair to keep me there. I gave a few licks on the darken skin before I returned my sight onto his eyes. They were fully blown and I'm sure mine were mirroring his right now. If the pressure that I've been feeling against my lower tummy indicated anything, I think he's on the roll.

"Hmm.. Tilly, I'll be happy to help you.. _any way_ you want me to.." I whispered against his now panting mouth. Then I grabbed onto his butt again to turn us around and move towards the bed before I threw him down onto the bed with me following him soon. His cute cackles soon filled the room as we were tossing and rolling around in bed, trying to dominate one another. But soon, I've managed to lock him in a straddle and we were both in a giggling and panting mess caused by the rough but fun activity that we've just had. I smiled at him before bending forward to give him a longing kiss that I've craved for so long and he immediately reciprocated and shot out his arms to draw me closer. After kissing for what felt like only a second, when in fact we were pretty short of breath, we separated but only a breath apart to lock our eyes. I was once again overwhelmed by the feelings I have for this man and I thank my lucky star everyday for letting us meet on that fateful afternoon all those years ago.

"I heart you, Tilly." He blinked away tears as he heard it.

"I heart you too, Troye." We kissed again and engaged in some activity that does not require looking out for spiders and also does not require much talking for the rest of the night.


	26. Chapter 25 - Bumpy Ride

The time had just struck six in the evening when I parked my car in the basement. Grabbing the groceries that I just bought from the back seat, I made sure I locked the car before taking the elevator up to our apartment. As I was juggling the groceries in one hand and tried to look for my keys with another, the door suddenly opened to reveal a very annoyed Tyler.

"What took you so long? You've been gone more than an hour!" He scolded.

"Well, hello to you too, babe. What's the hurry, we won't need to be at my house before eight o'clock." I said, feeling a little amused by his annoyed state.

We have been summoned back to my parents' home for dinner tonight because and I quote, _"We haven't seen you two in like forever! The honeymoon period should be over ages ago. Why haven't you two visit? We are not exactly living very far away, you know?"_ The exact words of Laurelle Mellet. Well, I know we should have visited more often but with Tyler being so busy trying to catch up on the ropes of handling the diner and I've been cooped up in the apartment trying to create new pieces of music, so to organize a time to be home for family dinner proof to be quite difficult. But since we've been backed into a corner when Sage unleashed her guilt trip on Tyler personally, he didn't stand a chance. Tyler practically worshipped the ground she walked on therefore tonight, we're having dinner with all the Mellets at eight o'clock.

"Well, yeah. We need to be in a hurry if wanna get this over with!" I heard him say with a annoyed huff as I was walking in the kitchen to put the groceries down.

"Get what over wi-" My question was left mid-air when I turned back to him. I literally had my jaw on the floor and my eyes could have popped out of my socket any moment. I must say, I was happily surprised to see Tyler standing in the middle of our living room, naked as as a jaybird and spotting a full hard on. How did he get undressed completely within the span of time that I've been to the kitchen and back? And what had happened within the span of time of me going to the store and back? But before I have anymore time to process what's running through Tyler's curious little mind, he started to charge towards me like a predator would its prey, instantly clawing at me and trying to peel off my clothes. He was desperately trying to yank my shirt off while kissing me sloppily.

"Quick, take them off! Now!" He demanded between kisses. And I would be a fool to deny what we both wanted, albeit I was a little slow on the train. As he was unbuttoning my shirt, my hurried and unsteady hands were struggling to undo my belt and pants because he's also walking us backwards towards our bedroom, leaving a trail of clothing behind us.

"Mmmm.. Ty.. Slow down.." I managed to blurt some words out in our rushed and desperate state. Then he shoved his hand under my briefs and cupped my balls and then began to grab onto my length.

"Ahhh, shit.. Tyler!" I gasped sharply.

"We need to hurry if we wanna make it to your mom's house on time." He quickly explained and at the same time still groping my length beneath my briefs.

"Please don't mention my mom when your hands are stroking my dick."

"Please stop talking and start kissing me." He quipped impatiently.

I did as he asked and when I realized he was walking us towards the bathroom, I disconnected our panting mouths again. "Baby, the bed's that way.."

"Shower.. (kiss) saves time.. (kiss) shut up (kiss).."

I think at this point, it's safe to say that the honeymoon period is definitely not over for Tyler and I.

Our supposedly quickie session turned into a full blown passionate sexy time and by the time we reach my parents' house, we were a little over 30 minutes late. I just hope that nobody suspected anything other than we're being fashionably late and not busy giving each other hickeys and other forms of pleasures in the shower.

"Oh my God, STEELEEEE! You're back?! Tyler squealing voice can be heard from the kitchen as I was still greeting my younger siblings in the living room. I was pleasantly surprised to hear Steele's back. It must have been months and months and months since I've last seen him. He had been busy travelling a lot around the world with some NGOs to help build houses for people living in rural areas. Last I heard, he's been to a small village in Romania for couple of weeks and he had sent us lots of pictures of their living condition. It's heartbreaking. One thing I really admired about my brother is that he has such a huge heart and always trying to make the world a better place. That's why I looked up to him so much.

"Hey, heyy.. Troye buddy!" Just as he finished mauling Tyler in a death grip, Steele came over to give me a big hug and I gave him a kiss on the cheek before we proceeded to have a little chat to catch up on our lives.

"How long you've been back, Steele? You should have called me or something and I would have came back much earlier."

"Haha! Don't let mom hear that or she'll never let me leave again." He joked and I can't blame him. My mom had always feel like she's losing an arm with her golden boy, her first born being away from her.

"Oh, maybe I should. Then she won't keep pestering me to come home so often! And I'll be having my big brother back." Upon hearing that, he gave me a light shove into the couch before grabbing me in a playful chokehold and ruffling my hair and we were back to being children again, giggling and laughing without a single care.

Soon my mom was gathering all her chicks to the dining table as the dinner's now ready. We were all having some light talks and catching up on what's happening in each and everyone's life right now. Turns out Tyde will be doing an opening show in a local club and Sage is doing well in her senior year and she will be joining some of her friends in San Francisco for some independent films projects after she graduates. I couldn't be more proud of my younger siblings for chasing after their dream and their passion.

"So, Troye. How's your music doing right now? Is everything good?" I was jolted back from my little day dreaming when my dad spoke to me.

"Yeah, dad.. it's coming along pretty well. The record company gave me quite a tight schedule, but I'm alright. Being a freelancer and all, but I'm really lucky considering there's too many competition in the market right now."

"Yeah Shaun.." I heard Tyler chimed in while pointing his fork at me. "This one right here.. He's like a musical genius, the record company would easily just eat up whatever demos he send their way." He said proudly but laced with a little hint of teasing. I'm used to his teasing by now as he had heard my best and my worst creations and he would not hold back any comments that he had and to be honest, I think that's the main reason my demos were a hit with the artists. I value his opinions as much as I value Nutella in a bundle. As I finished that thought, I felt my phone vibrated in my jeans and I had to excuse myself from the table. Tyler was looking at me and he nodded as I gestured a phone call with my hand and I made my way to the living room. I fished out my phone to see an unknown number with a LA area code and I answered the call without any further delay.

 _"Hello? Is this Troye Sivan?"_ I heard a manly voice speaking through from the other side.

"Yeah, this is he."

 _"Oh, hi. I'm Mark calling from Pink Mustache Labels in Los Angeles and the reason I'm calling you is that we've been listening to some of your demos and we're blown away with your work, to say the least. I was thinking maybe we could arrange a meeting with you so that we can talk more about your future with our label?"_

I wasn't expecting that. The demos that I sent was solely for Matthias label. They must have sold some of my work to some other companies and not that I minded, but the company in New York knew of my situation and I was only interested in freelance work because I wish to stay in Michigan still. Now it would make me look bad if I outright refuse the offer from Mark.

"Uhm.. yeah. Thanks! But really, I'm pretty happy doing what I do right now, just doing freelance writing at the moment. So, I wasn't actively looking for a permanent job and especially not one where it needs me to work in LA." I try to sound as polite as possible so that it doesn't hurt my reputation in this industry, if I ever want to venture into it in the future.

 _"No, no, no.. I think I wasn't being thoroughly clear. I'm sorry, my mistake. I wasn't offering you some boring, permanent spot in writing job. Pffft, God forbid no.. I'm actually interested in signing you as an independent artist in our label! We love your writing aesthetic and we looooove your voice. It's really young and fresh and new. So, how does next Monday sound?"_

My mind and my heart was going a mile a minute as his words fully sank into my mind. A signed artist? Me? What?


	27. Chapter 26 - Hard Decision

_I'm actually interested in signing you as an independent artist in our label! We love your writing aesthetic and we looooove your voice. It's really young and fresh and new._

Those were the words that have been swimming in my mind for the rest of the evening. I've been poking at food on my plate mindlessly and engaged in some half-hearted conversation with my family. I hope that no one realizes that I wasn't being myself for the remaining time but judging by the look Tyler gave me right now as we finished our dinner, he knew something was up with me after the phone call and I dreaded for him to know. The message that he was trying to convey through his concerned eyes was pretty eminent. _'We can talk about it later when we get home'._ I gave him a small nod before I slipped my hand into his and pulled him with me to the living room to join the rest of the coup.

When we reached our apartment about an hour later, Tyler went straight to the kitchen to open up two bottles of Budlight Lime and placed them on our little kitchen island, waiting patiently for me to join him. My thoughts was still very clouded and unsure about what I should tell him and when my mind's in this condition, it made it hard to talk to him and that was something that I still needed to improve on. God knows how well that went the last time I failed to communicate openly with him.

To be honest, the offer came at a really unexpected time and all the more unexpected circumstances. If I were to describe it, I would say this is like metaphorically being struck by lighting twice, but in a good way. I've always considered myself to be really lucky in regards to my passion for music and it's true when I had the chance to meet a lot of good people and helpful peers in the industries during my time working for my previous record label. They have been so supporting and understanding of my reasons for wanting to come back to Michigan and Matthias even took the extra length to convince our boss to offer me a freelance job. He vouched for me that I would be the good outsource help for the company, just like how he had vouched for me when I got the job as their intern. So now, to be given the opportunity to be signed artist, regardless of whether I'm interested or not, I felt more indebted to them because it was them that lead to Mark's discovery of my songs. Life has been pretty kind to me and sometimes I felt unworthy of all these kindness because I don't feel I've done enough to deserve it.

Truth be told, as I was still standing in the middle of our living room, I still don't know what my thoughts are at being a signed artist. A legit singer, with my own songs sang by me and producing my own album. Before today I didn't even think to venture down that path as I've been very content just writing and composing and knowing someone's appreciating my work. To have Mark call me and offered to sign me further validated my creations. When I think about being a singer, I think about being cooped up in the studio writing, composing and recording, which I have no problem because I love it. But another aspect of it was performing, selling albums and touring; those I have no clue. I don't know the scale of it, how it would pan out or would I be able to deal with the spotlight and constantly being under the microscope, waiting to be judged or condemned. There's a million things to consider before I even can think about possibly accepting the offer. I've never been this conflicted. It would be a huge deal for me, a giant milestone for my career but I couldn't help but feel extremely guilty for even thinking about pursuing this path when everything with Tyler has been going so well. It's too soon.

Tyler. He was looking at me with a worried crease on his forehead, patiently waiting for me to sort at least a fraction of my mind before engaging in a no doubt long conversation. His hands playing mindlessly with the bottle caps on the table and I can literally see the wheels in his head turning. I felt cruel to be delaying this conversation any longer than I needed so I reluctantly dragged my feet across the room to be seated next to him on the island. I took a sip of the beer and the coolness of the fizzy drink did nothing to calm my nerves.

"That was Mark calling just now.."

"Who's Mark?"

Hearing his worried tone that was laced with slight accusation made me want to mentally shoot myself. With my sudden changed of behaviour accompanied by the dire mood we're in right now, my words definitely sounded like I've been cheating on him or something along that line. _Keep it together, Troye!_

"Noo.. It's not what you think, Ty! Sorry that came out wrong. Mark's the owner of a record label in LA."

"Uh-huh, let's just say I believe you but then why did you look like death when you mentioned him? Troye, it's okay to tell me the truth."

Nooo, this is the worst assumption that can be made.

"Tyler, no. It's not like that! He called me to tell me he's interested in me."

His eyes widen and his posture taken aback. "He's INTERESTED in YOU, HUH?"

Shit, this is getting out of hand. Why does words have to fail me now? I was wiping my sweaty palms on my shirt before I went straight for his hands and grabbed them firmly.

"No, babe...That's not what I meant. I swear it's not like that! You gotta trust me, Tyler. I would never do anything like that!"

I was locking my eyes with his as I'm waiting for a hint on his face, any indication that tells me he'd believed what I said. That I most definitely did not cheat on him! Oh God, I think I just vomited a little in my mouth by that idea.

Then his body started to shake and his face turning red and I thought he was crying but I was utterly confused by his upturned lips and only when I heard his familiar witch cackling I realized that he's actually laughing. He's LAUGHING?

"TYLERR!"

"Oh my God babeee, you should see the look on your face. You looked like you're gonna be sick!" He managed to say in between his roaring laugther and pausing to catch his breath.

"Oh my fucking God, Ty. You're the worst! I thought I was gonna have an panic attack! Why did you do that?" I took a few deep breaths to calm my rapid heart.

"You looked so stressed out and by the way you flopped your explaination, I can't NOT take the opportunity to tease you a little. _'He's interested in me'.."_ He tried imitating me when he said the last part but someone should tell him that his impressions were not his strongest suit.

"Well I'm glad that you're amused by my almost nervous breakdown." I pouted but that just kickstarted another wave of his cackling. As I was watching him throwing his head back laughing like a maniac, I had to bite down my lip to stop the laugh that I felt bubling up from my stomach to rise but who am I trying to convince? I never stood a chance. There's an invisible pull that he has that by watching him laugh, you can't help but laugh along with him. He just exudes happiness and his laughter is contagious.

After we both came down from our laughing fit, Tyler took another sip of the beer before urging me to start talking again. "So, this _Mark_.."

I rolled his eyes at him. I feel more relaxed right now and I suspected that it was his intention to tease me when he did.

"Well, Mark's the owner of a record label in LA. He called to say that he loved my demos."

"LA? How did your demos ended up in LA?"

"I'm not sure, he didn't specify the origin of his discovery but he told me that he loves my work. He's interested in signing me to his label and he told me that he loves my songs and my voice's fresh and new and honestly I'm not sure what to think about his offer, and then there's you I had to consider and.."

"Hold up! Wait a second. Slow down, Troye.. Did you just say he's interested in signing you? Like a real recording artist?"

"Uh, yeah.. He told me that he heard my demos and he loved my voice." I took in his slightly surprised face but didn't detect any ounce of upset. He was looking at me with utter curiousity and interest which led me to continue. "He said he wanted to meet officially so that we can have a face-to-face discussion about the nature of our business." He's still fixing his gaze at me, keeping his silence. "I don't know what to do Ty, I'm torn. His offer's great, but I don't know much about being a singer but this will be an incredible experience. But I'm most torn about having to leave here, to leave you, because I reckon I'm gonna be based in LA for the most time and you-"

I was suddenly interrupted by a pair of warm lips colliding onto mine and all my words were halted as I moved quickly to the urgency of his lips. The kiss, albeit a little unexpected, ended all too soon when he drew back and locked his intensed gaze at me.

"Troye, that's wonderful! That's such a great news! Please tell me you'd say yes?" He whispered to me so tenderly. His eyes said it all; he's proud of the outcome of my hard work. But I'm still reluctant to take the next step that would mean separation from Tyler.

"I don't know, Ty. I'm afraid."

He connected his lips with mine again, this time not hesitating to push his tongue through my mouth as if to punish me for my previous words. His kiss was brutal, all teeth and tongue, with occasional harsh nip of my bottom lips and sucking it whole into his mouth before releasing it with a wet pop.

We separated when the need for air arises and we were connected on the forehead while we try to catch our much needed breaths.

"Troye, baby.. You know I want what's best for you, right? I _heart_ you. Remember?"


	28. Chapter 27 - I Heart You

"I heart you. Remember?"

 _*flashback*_

 _"NOOO, MOMMM! NO NO NO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE MEEE!"_

 _I heard Tyler's bloodcurdling screams while I was having small talk with my dad in his office. I made split second eye contact with my dad before I ran out to the direction to where his screams were coming from. When I opened the door to my bedroom, I saw Tyler thrashing and turning frantically in bed, still trapped in the nightmare of his cruel mind and rushed to his side, immediately enveloping his shuddering body into my arms to pull him out of his dream state._

 _"Baby, wake up. It's just a dream. You're with me now, babe. I'm here, I'm here.." I cradled his head into the space in between my neck and shoulder, shushing him from his rambling and cries for mercy. His body was wet from cold sweats, shaking from fear and his constant sobbing and I had to grip tighter to him to stop myself from breaking down with him. "Shhhh Tyler, it's just a dream. I love you babe, pleaseeee, wake up."_

 _Surprisingly this time it took him faster to hear my desperate plea as I heard the deep breaths he took against my neck before he clung his hands onto my chest, like he was holding onto an anchor in fear of slipping back to his horrendous dreamland._

 _"Troye..."_

 _"I know, babe.. I know. You're fine now.. it's just a dream." I said before giving him a reassuring kiss into his hair and continue to run my hands up and down his back to help him regain his normal breathing._

 _"It's always the same. Her face, so much pain... I can't help her... and.. a-ndd.. Oh God I miss her so muchhh.."_

 _"I know.. Shhh... it's over now.. I love y-"_

 _"NOO! Please don't say that to me.. NO!"_

 _I felt him recoiled away from my embrace and shrunk into a ball on the bed and began to cry hysterically again. I was equally stunned and confused by his sudden outburst._

 _"Ty, it's okay.. It's me.. you're okay.."_

 _"No, Troye.. Please don't say the word.. Please don't.. Not that word.. No.."_

 _I was beginning to worry about his well being because he seemed so out of it, it's almost like he's in a trance state and the words that he's repeating didn't make sense to me. With each hitched sob, it felt like a stab to my heart to see him be in this condition. Ever since the accident, these nightmares would occur a few times, sometimes once on a good day and he's always speaking in gibberish but it was never like this. This time seemed to be so much more, like bits and pieces being put together and now he's overwhelmed by the bigger picture of whatever it's haunting him. I wish he could just talk to me and let me help him with his demons. I can't let him go through this alone. I won't!_

 _I went and crouched on the side of the bed where he laid and hovered over his balled up frame before I let the weight of my whole body rest on him. At first he flinched and started to push and kick me away but I clung to him until he got tired and stopped struggling to break free from me._

 _"Troye.. please don't say you love me.." His voice so low, if I wasn't clinging to him like I did I wouldn't have heard him at all. "Please don't say it.. I can't..."_

 _"Can't what, baby?"_

 _"Jackie.. she.. she's gone after... no...I can't hear it.."_

 _I was trying to make sense out of what he told me and then it clicked. Putting all the random pieces of information he muttered and replaying what I had said to him earlier.. it cannot be! All I said was that I love him. Oh dear God, why did this have to happen to Tyler of all people? He doesn't deserve any of this pain._

 _"Tyler, please come back to me.. It's me, your Troye.. Don't go there.." All my pleas were fallen on deaf ears and he seemed to drown in deeper into a limbo. I let my instinct guide me and pry him out of the ball he's in and tore his soggy t-shirt away from his damp body and did the same with mine. I went ahead and scooped him up and place him onto my lap as I leaned back against the headboard, hoping that the skin-on-skin contact would calm him from his hysteria. After what felt like an eternity, his quivering seemed to be less and his breathing had slowed down to a point I thought he had fallen back to sleep. As I tried to move him into a more comfortable position, I felt him gasped and gripped onto my arms._

 _"Don't. I feel safe like this.."_

 _"Okay. But you have to talk to me, baby. It kills me to see you like this. Please.."_

 _"I'm sorry, Troye. I'm..."_

 _"No, I mean tell me when you're ready." We stayed like that for a while and just listening to our breathing in the silence of our room. Then I heard a little sniff from him before he spoke._

 _"It's always my mom.. In my dreams, I mean." I stayed silent and waiting for him to continue. "It's always replaying back to the moment when she.. when she dies.." I placed a hand onto his back and lightly brush the back of my fingers across his spine. "And.. and she said she loves me.. just before she took her last breath.."_

 _His voice almost a whisper towards the end and he had just confirmed my suspicion of the cause that had triggered his hysteria. I felt my eyes burn with new tears and my heart clenched for him. Nobody should have to go through this and I could never grasp the pain he's going through. I can only be there with him, all steps of the way._

 _I looked over to the nightstand and spotted the sharpie that I used earlier and stretched my hand to grab it. I turned back to Tyler and I pushed him away into a sitting position in order to do what I needed to. I took the sharpie and drew an upside down triangle just a little above his left chest, and I drew a capital 'T' in the middle of the triangle._

 _"You see this, Tilly?" I said pointing to the triangle."That's my heart. And you're in it. I won't say it if you don't want me to. Because my heart will always be with you, right here.." I pointed again to the triangle that I doodled onto his chest._

 _He took a little time to let my words sink in while he darted his eyes from mine to the symbol on his chest, slowly erasing the frown on his forehead. Then I heard the words came out of his mouth that I never expected to at this moment. "Troye.. I.. I heart you."_

 _*flashback ends*_

"Of course I remember, I've never felt so scared in my entire life." I said as I recalled the event of that night. To this day, it still gave me chills when I thought back the state Tyler was in but I quickly shrugged it off.

"Then you know that no matter where you are, you're always here." He planted my hand onto his chest, on the spot that now had a upside down triangle and a 'T' permanently inked onto it. "Music is your dream, you've already gave it up once for me. What kind of boyfriend am I if I were to hold you back again after you've sacrificed so much for me?"

I looked at his earnest face and swooped in to have another taste of his sweet lips to tame the overwhelming emotion swelling in my heart.

"You're only gonna be the best kind. My one and only." I said truthfully when the kiss ended.

"You're getting sappy but that's okay because you're my one and only too."


	29. Chapter 28 - Possessive

Two years later~

I was lightly tracing invisible patterns onto Tyler's exposed arm, enjoying how his smooth skin felt against my wandering fingers. His skin was exactly how I remembered, so warm and soft but it was unfair to say that because I have long memorized every detail about Tyler into my brain. It was only natural when we have to be separated from each other so often that I have a 'Substitute Tyler' in my mind to keep me going from day to day. There seemed to be a constant hunger that rooted deep in me that I can never have enough of Tyler. 'Substitute Tyler' can only do so much and it will never compare to the real one, whom I have here right now with me.

Every time we're together, my addiction to him will be more severe, like a drug addict desperate for stronger shots when he comes out of his normal high. His beautiful naked body was currently cuddled against mine, spreading warmth to my equally naked body under the covers.

As I lay here looking at the back of his blonde head, he was passed out exhausted, deep in sleep with his breath even and low and completely unaware of the events of the world. I guess that's what happened when you travel 2000 miles to LA to visit your boyfriend and be ravished by the said boyfriend as soon as you enter the hotel room. _Gosh I've miss him._

I planted a kiss on the back of Tyler's neck and lingered for a while as I breathed in his scent. His scent earlier was great; the smell of a sweet vanilla body wash and his musky cologne but now all those scents was combined with the smell of sweat and sex and everything that made me want to ravish him all over again. _Hmm, actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea at all._ I thought to myself meanwhile tightening my grip around his waist. All of these Tyler musing had undeniably made me hungry for him again.

 _*flashback*_

 _I have been pacing in the room for an hour before I heard the beep of the hotel card inserted into the door slot. I quickly made my way to the door already knowing who's gonna be walking through that door when it opened. As soon as his blonde quiff was in sight, I ambushed him by slamming his unsuspecting body into the opposite wall even before the door was completely closed. My hands and mouth went straight to work, not wanting to waste any more time and soon I was attacking his mouth and clumsily trying to get his backpack off of his back along with his jacket._

 _"Hmm.. Hello to you to babe.." I heard him moaned in between our hurried kisses and I ignored his teasing comment and jabbed my hips forward to him to let him feel my source of impatience._

 _"Ohh, babe.. Looks like you did miss me a bunch, huh?" He teased again. I grunted my annoyance before I felt his hand traveled down to my jeans, over my obvious bulge to test the seriousness of my situation. His little touch have had me thrusting my hips into his palm and the pressure from my action caused me to detach my mouth from his neck to let out an embarassing moan._

 _Being away from Tyler for so long can only do more harm than good to my sanity. All those time that we've been apart had made me craved for him like I'd crave for a jar of Nutella after being stranded on an island for 5 years. Having him here right now makes me wonder how the fuck did I managed being away from him for so long. We were literally just kissing and he already made me feel like I'm on cloud nine. I can't wait for the night to progress and it's just a matter of time that I'll have him writhing and panting underneath me. The night is still so young._

 _With that end game in mind, I delved my tongue into his mouth and met his in a dueling match, both fighting for dominance and more passion. I made a quick work on his jeans and shove his pants and underwear down at once and let it pool at his ankle. He was moving both of us backward into the room as he stepped out of his jeans on the floor, at the same time attacking my lower jaw and my neck. My usually agile fingers worked clumsily on the buttons on his shirt and I was getting a little impatient with my progress of undressing him, so I opted for the next best option. I tore open his shirt entirely and the buttons flew in all directions but I was only too happy to finally get more skin._

 _"Uh, Troyeee! That's my favourite shirt you just destroyed!"_

 _"I'll buy you ten more." I quickly retorted and pushed him down to sit on the edge of the bed._

 _"Ohhh, I like having a sugar daddy.." He said wiggling his eyebrows but I was too horny to care. I smirked before kneeling in between his opened legs began and roam my hands on his legs, starting from his knees and caressing every inch of the skin being displayed and made my way up to his thighs. I was making small circles in his inner thighs and slowly moving nearer to his hard length and he laid down comfortably on the bed while waiting for my next action._

 _"I've missed you, Tilly.. So much.." I said in my significantly low voice and started to rain kisses down his skin where I've touched a moment ago and slowly made my way higher and higher, until I heard his short gasps turned into long moans._

 _"Hmm, show me how much, babe.."_

 _I groaned when I heard his needy request and I planned to show him just_ how much _I've missed him. I settled myself higher and at the same time pulling his hips towards me so that I'm at eye level with his length that was straining against his lower belly. I flattened my tongue on the base of his balls and swirled a little at the seam of his scrotum before making a wet stripe towards the base of his length and continued until I reached the tip._

 _"UHH, Troye.." He perched himself on his elbows and was unashamedly looking at my administration. I looked up to see his eyes, fully blown and his blazing stare send a new wave of lust through my body. Without any warning I grabbed the bottom of his length and I lowered my closed mouth to his tip, smearing his precum along my lips before I opened them and engulfed him at one go. His reflex was immediate as his hand snapped up to pull onto my hair roughly._

 _"FUCK! Your mouth is so hot!"_

 _Feeling pleased with his respond, I began feasting by lapping on the underside of his length as I move lower until I feel him hit the back of my throat before moving back up. I repeated the action but this time, I relaxed my throat to allow him move passed it because I wanted to have him as deep as I could possibly go. Once my lips was rimming his wide girth at the base, while controlling my breathing, I began swallowing along his length._

 _"FUCK OH FUCKK TROYEE!"_

 _My hands were ready on his hips, stopping him from thrusting up and he settled to gripped onto the sheets to hang onto whatever control that he had left during the onslaught of pleasures that I'm creating. Drools were dripping down my chin as I continued to suck his length like a masssve lolipop and I was thoroughly enjoying the loud noises that I was coaxing out of him. Nothing sounded better than Tyler swearing my name like that._

 _"Oh God, Troye.. I'm gonna cum if you-"_

 _I grunted and that immediately shut him up and he fell back onto the bed to be ready for the incoming orgasm. I was hollowing my mouth and swirling my tongue around his engorged tip before I increased the speed of my hand on his length, stroking and twisting until his body was trashing uncontrollably._

 _"OH SHIT TROYE I'M.. I'MM..AHH FUUUUCKK!"_

 _I was swallowing his cums and kept my tongue swirling around his tip as he finished, and occasionally hearing his loud gasps as I hit his more sensitive spots and finally releasing him with a pop. His gripped on my hair loosen and he was breathing harshly still. I can't help but feel smug at the putty state that he was in. And I intend to make him stay putty all night._

 _"Hmmm, you taste fucking delicious, Ty.."_

 _"Shit, Troye.. if this is what I get for being away from you, I should leave now and come back later." He said in between pants._

 _"Oh babe, you're not going anywhere because I'm not done with you yet.." I planted a kiss on his inner thigh. "Didn't you asked me to show you how much I've missed you?" I planted another kiss on his other inner thigh._

 _He snapped open his eyes to see what I meant. When I'm aure I have his full attention, I stood up in between his legs and slowly pulled my jeans down, leaving my boxer briefs on. At this point, my raging hard on was straining against my briefs and the tip of my length was peeking out a little at the elastics. Seeing that his breathing was starting to return to normal, it's time to rectify that and send his heart racing again._

 _I started with the shirt and slowly undoing the buttons starting from the top to the bottom. I let my opened shirt hung onto my frame and lifted my index finger to my mouth, sucking soundly on it for a moment, imitating my action earlier. Tyler's eyes widen and followed my every move. I smirked to myself when I saw a renewed lust flashed across his darken blue eyes and his length twitches with it. I continue my little teasing game by trailing my wet finger down my neck and followed a path downward until I reached my nipple. I began to tease my pink nub and hissed a little at the coolness of my saliva against it. Tyler's mouth was gaping like fish out of water and once in a while a moan and some choke sound would spill through that beautiful mouth of his and I'm happy to see that his length was beginning to stir back to life._

 _I focus on my task at hand and proceed to trail my finger down my torso, following the happy trail on my lower stomach and finally stopped at the edge of my briefs._

 _"Should I go lower, Tilly?"_

 _I saw him gulped before nodding his head but I needed to hear him._

 _"Do you want to see more?"_

 _He nodded again, frantically this time._

 _"Do you want to me to take it off?"_

 _I hooked my thumbs under the elastic of my briefs before stretching it out a little, teasing him further but not giving him the view that he so desperately wanted to see._

 _"YES GODDAMMIT TROYE!" He sat up and hooked his own fingers under my underwear and yanked it down to reveal my length to his greedy eyes._

 _"Impatient, are we?" I said before pushing him back down the bed. His breathing had increased significantly due to my little teasing and I need him like this for what I wanted to do next._

 _Seeing him being so needy and desperate like this made my blood boil and it definitely gave me the encouragement to continue. I gave my length a firm squeeze before stroking it at a steady slow pace. Everything I'm doing right now is for his enjoyment. I feel tiny droplets of sweat began to form on my forehead due to the strain that I'm in for controlling my own action and I can feel my breaths are slowly picking up speed._

 _"Touch yourself, Tilly."_

 _His hand moved by command and soon his length has returned to its most impressive form. At this point, the room was filled with the noises of our moans and gasps and ocasional swearing that made our pleasures known to each other. I kept at my extremely slow pace and feast my eyes to the glorious image in front of me._

 _My Tyler being spread eagle on the bed, leisurely touching himself while I observed each and every inch of him, over the contours of his delectable body. All that accompanied with the random noises that spilled out of his sinful mouth, moans after moans, gasps after gasps and to see him so pliable under his own hand made me wanna fuck him into the soft matress that he was on._

 _"You looked so delicious, you know that Ty?"_

 _As he opened his eyes, I felt an instant swoop in my lower stomach as I was pinned under his gaze so dark, I would gladly drown in them and never come back up. His mouth was slightly apart and his lips shuddered a little each time he exhaled through his mouth and I snapped when he pulled his lower lip in between his teeth._

 _I charged towards the bed, my hand halting his from further stroking and I positioned myself adjacent to him on all four. I lifted my thumb to brush across his bitten lip to urge its release and when it did, I leaned down to suck the irresistable lower lip into my mouth._

 _"You'll be the death of me one day, Tilly."_

 _He moaned at my admission and pulled me down to deepen our kiss and when the need for air became too much, I detached my mouth from his but redirected it to kiss down his neck and breathe in his delectable scent. I licked the salty skin from his neck up to his ear, leaving a wet trail along the way before giving some love to his earlobe. I can feel my straining length drawing a path of wet cum along his lower belly as I was feasting on his ear, then back to his neck._

 _"Hmmm, Troye.. Please, stop teasing me alread- AHHHH!"_

 _His plea was cut short by a harsh nip on the particularly sensitive spot on his neck which I have imprinted to my memory. Just like the other eight spots on every nooks and crannies of his body, I have them permanently stored to my brain._

 _"But Tilly, baby.. There's still something missing.. "_

 _Before he had the chance to ask, I'm already on my way to show him what exactly is missing. My marks. I don't know when it started but my possessiveness over him is real. I feel the need to mark him in every way I can. Apart from the little permanent trinket on his left chest, I've intended to leave dozens more, albeit less permanent mark all over his body._

 _Starting from the area where his neck met his shoulder, that area would always make him tingle. Then to the spot just below his rib, this area would make him shiver and whine. As if on demand, he let out the most sultry moan I've ever heard tonight._ That's two for two now. _I smirked to myself._

 _"Troye, I swear to God if you don't fucking fuck me right now.."_

 _"I think I like you like this, so responsive to my mouth..." I made my point by swirling my tongue onto his pink nub and was rewarded by a needy moan._

 _"And, baby... I will fuck you when I wanna fuck you."_

 _I continued my sweet torture and leaving hickeys as I go lower, one below his belly button, one on his hip bone, another on his inner thigh and the last one on his calf. I leaned back to admire the handiwork that I've created. I must say I'm loving the bruises that I left on his body, I could literally feel my inner caveman thumping his chest and roared in victory._

 _"So beautiful.."_

 _"Troye... please... I need you."_

 _Hearing his pleading voice, I've decided to show some mercy and went over to grab the lube from the night stand and squeezed an adequate amount onto my palm. I reoccupied my spot in between his legs at the edge of bed before I spoke._

 _"Get the pillows and make yourself comfortable." He knew exactly what to do, quickly grabbing one and placing it under his head and another under his butt. I approached nearer and helped him bring his thighs up to rest against his chest, at the same time spreading his entrance wide for me. Without wasting more time, I quickly coated two fingers with the lube and breached the pink colored rim of muscles, slowly at first and gradually scissoring my hands to help him relax his inner muscles, little by little and he was humming with approval. But I didn't expect the sudden tightness around my fingers, indicating that he clenched his inner muscles and I let out a grunt before I could stop it._

 _"A little encouragement from me, Troye. Imagine how that would feel on your dick.."_

 _I grunted again and I felt more blood rushed to my already painful length. He knew how to get my blood pumping, that's for sure. I can't help but to thrust my fingers a little rougher and changed my angle of penetration until I was brushing against the bundle of nerve that would make him scre-_

 _"OHH TROYYEE!"_

 _-eeam. I meant for it to be a punishment for him but I think hearing his loud shouts of pleasures were slowly robbing of my sanity. With the remaining lube on my palm, I spread it evenly on my ignored length and preparing it so I could finally be connected to Tyler. My Tyler._

 _I retrived my fingers from his tightness and quickly replaced it with my length, ramming it in one go._

 _"Fucking finally. Took you long enough!" He said pantingly when I was all the way in. He wiggled his butt a little, his impatience was eminent. His hands were still holding onto the back of his thigh, keeping his butt at an ideal height for me. I lifted my hands to join him on either side of his thigh and looked at him through his spread legs._

 _"Babe, this is going to be hard and fast, okay? I'm not gonna last." He nodded in agreement. In fact, I suspected he wanted it to be as rough as I can be. I tighten my grip on his thigh and pulled our half way before plunging it into him in a sharp thrust. I repeated my previous action for a couple of times before he sounded his frustration._

 _"Faster, Troye!"_

 _And I can only comply. I repositioned myself a little to the left and started a new rhythm of thrusts into his warm tightness and a few thrusts in, Tyler began shouting incoherently and the occasional ''don't stop' and 'yes, right there'. The grip on his thighs will surely leave a bruise because as I push harshly into his inviting hole, I had to brace the impact of my thrusts onto the back of his thigh and the action rocked his body a little back and forth on the bed._

 _As I have predicted, I felt my impending orgasm quickly catching up as the warm swirling had began from my lower stomach and working its way to my whole body. Tyler too was teetering on the edge by the looks of his flushed face and his high pitched moans. Without breaking my hip movement, my right hand flew to grab firmly on his length, stroking it at a punishing pace and aiding him to his second completion of the night. Soon after, I joined him and gradually slowed down my penetration as I felt my load shooting into his still contracting hole._

 _As soon as I come down from my high, I released my gripped and let his thigh down gently, fully aware that he might not feel his legs just yet. He let out a weak whimper as he had drained the last of his energy screaming my name at his completion just now. I walked over to the side and carried him bridal style to move him higher on the bed while I took off my now damp shirt before laying down beside him, cuddling him and drifting off to sleep together, our limbs tangled._

 _*flashback ends*_


	30. Chapter 29 - Two Halves

I'm sweating. The hotel room is luxuriously comfortable with an excellent central conditioning but I am feeling hot. Too hot. Recalling our not-so-innocent activity had made my heart race and my blood boil again.

This is how we cope for being away from each other all the time. Besides the usual phone calls or scheduled Skype call, we always have a circled date on the calendar, a goal to look forward to when we will see each other again. It would always be alternating between me going back to Michigan or have him fly to whichever part of the world I was in. Mostly the latter. Our reunions would always be sweet and passionate; we'd be christening every surface we can find at whichever hotel we're in. It's true, I've evolved to quite an insatiable monster when it comes to Tyler and it's growing stronger by the minute from the constant separation.

For some unknown reason, Tyler wanted to keep our relationship away from the media and although I was quite reluctant at first, I did follow his wishes. Not only I can't see him as frequently as I want to, I also can't share Tyler to my fans and honestly, that hurt me a little. If only they knew, then Tyler and I would have more time to spend together and it'll be okay to be seen in public together. But ironically, this arrangement has benefited me quite a bit. I have been pegged as single and available and the fans are eating it up like free candies on Halloween.

Ever since I've signed my contract with Pink Mustache Label two years ago, it has been a whirlwind of crazy schedule. I've been shoved left and right, alternating between attending meetings, studio times, publicity and whatnot. I thought things couldn't get any busier but after a year of preparation for my first EP, my hectic schedule has been catapulted to a new height and my life isn't my own anymore. My public appearance seemed more significant, my everyday mundane life seemed more interesting and every word that I uttered seemed holier. I sincerely didn't think my career as a singer could soar so high in such a short amount of time and I have been extremely blessed to have a team that supported me all the way. The team and Tyler.

To be honest, being away from Tyler had made me quite bitter at the beginning. I remember constantly being in a sour mood and I find myself cooped up in the studio a lot. Ironically the loneliness that I've been feeling has helped fuel my inspirations for my songs. My fans, they have been great. It was such a pleasant surprise that the genuine feelings that I put into my songs have touched their hearts and the fan base have been growing ever since my first EP has debuted around a year ago. The one thing I find annoying about this whole experience was the whole marketing of my brand. I was the new face of my label; the young, attractive, hip gay man that would appeal to a lot of younger audience, mainly consisting of females, surprisingly. But being the newbie that I am, I quickly learn that it's not my place to start dictating how I want my career to move forward. That's Emma's job.

Which is why I've been pestering her to give me the long deserved break before my new album comes out next month and then I'll have to start touring again. I have been away from my life source for six freaking-too-long months and I can feel my body defecating on the inside. Having Tyler here is how I'm going to recuperate and help me to last for another couple of months of separation. I flew him in yesterday and I have been planning a week long plans for the both of us and I'm excited to execute them soon.

Just as I finished that thought, I heard Tyler's cute little mumbling, mostly heard when he's about to wake up. I snaked my arms around his waist and pull him tighter against my chest and planted my lips onto his collar.

"Good morning, Tilly... How'd you sleep?" I drawled out my nickname for him against his skin. He let out a happy sigh and proceeded to wiggle his body closer to me.

"Morning, babe. This bed is so comfy, I think I slept like a baby."

"Oh? Are you sure it's not because I've exhausted you quite a bit yesterday?" I teased him while trailing my finger to touch the skin around his hip bone.

"Hmm.. I don't quite remember but keep doing that, it's coming back a little.."

I removed my fingers from his hip and trail them upwards to his arm, tracing circles on his bicep while I pointed my tongue and licked the shell of his ear, before blowing small puffs of breath onto his now wet earlobe, teasing it a little. My hand is now travelling onto his chest, making small swirls around his nipple, slowly closing in and my lips are planting open mouthed kisses to his neck and the juncture where his neck met his shoulder and give it a gentle suck.

"Mmm... yes, I think I remember a little bit more now.." His voice low and sultry, at the same time stretching more of his neck out for easier access, silently inviting me to refresh his memory.

I continued my love kisses onto his neck while my hand crept lower; strumming through his ribs down to his hip bone, before rerouted to his inner thigh. At the same time I moved my lower body nearer to his, making sure that my whole front was connected to his back, desperate for more warmth that is emanating from his body. He writhed and let out a quiet moan when he feel my obvious hard length against his butt and cheekily grinded his butt against it, creating the much needed friction onto my length. I can't help but to latch onto the skin just below his ear to muffle my embarrassing moan and give him a hard nip before smoothing out the teeth mark with my tongue languidly.

"Mmmm, Troye, baby.. Right ther-"

His words are being hitched at his throat as I brushed my fingers on his growing length. His breathing got heavier as I explored more area of skin on his length, teasing him with light touches on the smooth skin and tracing the slight bumps of its veins.

"Is it coming back to you now, baby?" I whispered into his ear and felt him shiver a bit before releasing a shuddered breath. I can see his body getting flushed and goosebumps began to form and just when I was about to turn him over, I heard the sound of light thumping on the door.

 _Knock! Knock! Knock!_

 _"Troye Sivan, sorry to interrupt. But I gotta talk to you for a minute."_

I heard Tyler grunted into the pillow as I let out a frustrated sigh against his neck at the timing of it. Things are just getting started and heating up but hearing Emma's muffled voice over the door had successfully bring us back to earth. I was contemplating whether I should just pretend to be asleep and ignore her but as I looked over at the digital clock, the red blinking numbers are telling me that it was only ten past six in the morning.

I don't know if I should fire her for being so annoying or give her a raise for being so diligent. It's freaking six in the morning and she's already at my door, ready to bid my duties. I muttered a sorry and told Tyler to wait for me to return before I flung the cover on my side over and retrieved a robe to have a little cover up before I went to the door to greet my lovely manager.

"You know, I'm supposed to be on a break right now and I thought being on a break means I don't have to be woken up by you at six in the morning?" I said immediately as I open the door, slightly annoyed.

Truthfully I can never be annoyed at Emma. She's too adorable and she's very good at her job. I trust her with my life when it comes to my career. My sex life, not so much.

"Well, good morning to you too, Troye. Sorry, I'm gonna be really quick and I'll be out of your hair as soon as I get your confirmation on these. We have narrowed it down to these and I need your green light just so I can have them printed in time." She explained with an innocent smile plastered on her face while holding up three slightly different artworks which will be my album cover.

"You could have emailed them to me. I mean, there's absolutely no need for you to be here. You're a major cock blocker, Em."

"Oh my God, TROYE! Too much info!" She scolded dramatically but in truth, she has no shame when it comes to the matter of sex. At least not with me. "Besides, would you have check your email when you have Tyler in there with you?"

I shrugged at her question, agreeing to her assumption.

"That's what I thought. So now be a good boy and just tell me which one makes your eyes hurt the least and the sooner you do that, the sooner you can get back to your lover." She ordered while standing further away from me to let me have a good look at them.

"Fine, you're so demanding at times, I don't know who's working for who." I retorted cheekily back at her, like I would to my own sister.

"Me? Demanding? Look at you! Go easy on Tyler will you? Give him a break before you start mauling him for the millionth time since yesterday." She teased without an ounce of shame because as far as she's concern, she's right on the money with that assumption.

"Shut up and let me see." I squinted my eyes and see not much of a difference between the three, just a slight change of font and their position. I pointed my finger at the middle one as my final answer and Emma, staying true to her words, began to shuffle the artworks back into a neat pile and gave me a kiss on the cheek before saying our goodbyes.

"Send my love to Tyler, 'kay? Love you." She said before turning to head to the elevator.

I closed the door and turned to see Tyler's still in the same position. Now that the interruption had been dealt with, I smirked to myself before I sauntered back to Tyler, dropping my robe onto the floor and resumed my position as the big spoon on the bed again.

"Hmm, that was a little uncalled for. I'm sorry babe, but I'll make it up to you." I said while planting my mouth onto his neck just like before and I smiled as I heard him hummed in approval.

"Yeah, you better make it up to me, if you know what I mean." He chuckled lightly at his own joke as the blush started to color his cheeks again when I nudged my nose against his neck and nipped at his shoulder.

"So, where were we?" I asked playfully after releasing his soft skin from my teeth.

He moved his hand to search for mine without turning his head. Once he found it, he wrapped his fingers around my wrist and brought it back to his front under the cover and placed my hand directly onto his still hard length.

"Somewhere around here."

We both chuckled and soon were back to indulging each other in the bubble of love and pleasure. The room was gradually filled with the sounds of our heavy breathings, coupled with occasional loud gasps and satisfying moans. And in those moments, there is only the two of us. Nothing else existed but the pleasures that we coaxed from each other. Emma was long gone and forgotten and we only have each other and everything is as it should be again.


	31. Chapter 30 - Date

Naka is a sushi place that I frequent quite a bit whenever I'm in LA. The restaurant, which was previously a spa, have a really nice ambiance to it after it's been remodeled by the current owner. Chef Furuka had twenty years of experience up his sleeves before he and his family migrated from Osaka around five years ago. He prioritized in serving great quality food, which means he only cater to a small list of customers each year.

The interior is relaxing to say the least; it's quiet and mostly secluded from the public and it really is the main reason why this restaurant is the top pick for many A-listers in LA. The only way for anyone to have a reservation in Naka is through recommendation or memberships. Fortunately for me, Pink Mustache is one of Naka's biggest customer and we have easy access to the place.

I've always wanted to bring Tyler here because I know for a food enthusiast like him, he would appreciate the delicate work the chef put into his dishes. So I reckon bringing him here for some excellent wine and dine experience would do me some good down the road.

When we enter the establishment, we are given a warm welcome by the staffs there by a loud shout of "Welcome" in their language, a very authentic welcome by the Japanese. We're then greeted by some familiar faces, one being Audrey who has been working as Naka's manager for many years.

I have personally requested for the Spring Room as it has the best view of the whole restaurant. It's connected to a small balcony overlooking a koi pond in a mini japanese garden. The sound of the water flowing from the Japanese stone fountain to the pond coupled with the whistling sounds made by the bamboo leaves when the wind blows is truly beautiful. The owner really made an effort to capture the essense of real Japan and the atmosphere had helped tremendously to heighten the dining experience of his customers.

Once we were seated, Audrey began reciting some of the Chef's recommendation but when she made a point to tell me an exclusive dish that wasn't on the menu, I'm instantly intrigued. The Toro is a must-have tonight and I took her word for it.

"Tyler, do you want something to drink too?" I asked while my eyes are still scanning wine menu.

"When have I ever turn down a drink?" I chuckled as I heard his reply and I turned back to Audrey to give her our final order.

"We'll be having a Plum Wine, and maybe a bottle of Pinot Blanc as well."

"Splendid. I'll be back with your drinks, gentlemen." She said politely and I thanked her before she left us alone again.

"What do you think of this place, Ty?"

"Can't you tell from my face? I am in awe!" He told me, his tone dramatic. "And that makes me think what intention do you have, since you're trying so hard to impress me, huh?"

I shot him a cheeky grin while wiggling my eyebrows without uttering a single word and it has successfully made him break out of his own teasing suggestion and laughed.

"It's really beautiful, Troye. Everything about it screamed Japan and it made me feel like I'm really having a gourmet meal in the land of the sun. Very serene and zen, I love it!"

His eyes darted to every corner of the room, slowly observing every ornament in the room to appreciate the details the owner put in.

"I like the interior of this room very much. Very, spring-y. And very... _private_." He continued, his tone laced with a hint of mischief again and quickly laughed it off.

"Yeah, I've specifically asked for this room because I know you'll love the ambiance."

"I do. I've always heard you rave about this place and now that I'm here, I can totally see why. I just hope that the food is as mouth watering as you said. I can't wait."

"I promise you baby, you're not gonna forget your first time." I winked and grinned sheepishly only to have him throw his head back and laughed at my lame pun.

We continued our light conversation and cheeky banters while waiting for the food to arrive. We talked about absolute everything and nothing at the same time, catching up with the event of what happened back home and my whining about my tedious schedule. Our conversation is paused when Audrey came back with our drinks and soon our food are brought in and laid across on the table in front of us by another server. The array of food we've ordered are really a spectacle to look at. From the plating of the delicately sliced seafood to the intricate garnishes that accompanied every dish is truly glorious. Chef Furuka had once again outdone himself as I find myself being impressed by him everytime I frequent the place.

I looked over to Tyler to see his equally amazed face and I can't help but let out a light chuckle. He looked thoroughly impressed with his eyes wide and mouth agaped. At times like these I kept reminding myself to look for more places like these just to see this cute face again.

I muttered my thanks to Audrey and the Miko, as the name tag had indicated and they both bowed before returning the room back to us.

I turned my attention back to Tyler only to see that he is just short of salivating while he was roaming his eyes over the spread in front of him. I really love this side of Tyler, food is everything for him. I cleared my throat before I rudely interrupted him staring at the food.

"Tyler, the food aren't going to eat themselves. So stop eye fucking them and start eating."

"I wasn't eye fucki- you know what? I'm not even gonna acknowledge what you just said. I'm simply admiring the art that's displayed on this table."

"You totally are! That's how you looked at me when I came out of the shower just now. I thought I was a goner, to be honest." I feigned worried and he seemed unimpressed with my innuendo and stuck out his tongue at me childishly.

"Honestly, Troye. How can I eat any of these? It's so preeeetty."

I let out a small laugh as I see him stare aimlessly at the food again. His eyes sparkled when he darted from plate to plate, going in a circle and once he was done going over them twice, he quickly take out his iPhone and started taking photos of each dish.

Upon seeing that, it gave me an idea and I quickly scooted over nearer to him and repositioned my tatami mat beside his. I took advantage of his lack of attention on me and quickly position my kissy pouty mouth near to his cheek and took a selfie of us.

"Babe, what are you doing.. can't you see I'm busy here?"

He said half heartedly in a flat tone. He was obviously still engrossed in the task at hand and he didn't even look up when he scolded me.

"Tilly, if you think taking photos of dead fish is more important than taking a loving selfie with your boyfriend, then I think I'm gonna have a problem with that."

I swiftly resumed my mouth next to his cheek and I placed my free hand over his shoulder to pull him closer to me. As expected, he turned his head towards me and just as his lips brushed against mine unintentionally, I quickly pressed the snap button on the phone and took another selfie of us, only this time his lips are on mine.

"Oh my god, Troyeeee... How dare you take advantage of me at my most vulnerable state? And also, you do not seek to take before I give."

"Oh, I seemed to remember you giving pretty generously just hours before." I wiggled my eyebrows and shot him a toothy grin before he snorted ungracefully.

"Well, at least show me the photo after you've rudely taken it without my permission."

I scooted over closer before unlocking my phone again to see the last selfie that I took. One look at the selfie, it looked like a total mess but in fact for all the party involved in the photo, it meant more than how it looked. It was funny, it was raw and it was 100% us.

The expression on both of our faces couldn't have been more contrast to each other. My face was relaxed and demure, eyes closed and my mouth was pouted comically against his tensed one, and his eyes were wide and the shock was eminent on his face. It was pretty clear that he wasn't expecting the impromptu kissy selfie. I personally think it was very cute and I genuinely loved it but looking at his body language right now tells me that he thought otherwise.

"Oh my god Troye, delete it! I looked horrendous!"

"No, no, no. I think it's cute. I'm gonna keep it."

"Troye? I'm warning ya... DELETE. IT."

"No, Ty. What are you gonna do about it?"

Not a second after I challenged him, I felt him prance on top of me, successfully knocking me onto my back. He was straddling my waist and his hands rested on my chest, trapping me under him. He was looking at me silently, his eyes darting over my features just like he did on the food not too long ago. I gulped as he licked his lips enticingly and started to gyrate his butt directly onto my jean clad crotch.

"Hmm, Tyler.. What are you doing?"

He didn't answer but continued to make harsher movement, creating stronger friction against our clothed lower body. I feel a bit of sweat started to form on my forehead as my length begin to stir a little in my jeans. Frankly, going at this rate I would love to have another go with him but I just don't know if my label would be appreciative of me getting caught having sex in public areas. We wouldn't be allowed to step into this premise ever again.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to control my urges but his continuous teasing made me want to tear his turtle neck off and roam my hands onto his broad chest. His movement doesn't pick up speed, nor does it slow down. He kept it at an even pace, slowly driving me insane. I began to run my hands up his thighs and stopped to grip tightly at both sides of his hip.

"Tyler... Ughh Ty... That feels good.." The breathy moan that tumbled out of my mouth was bashful but my mind was too clouded to care.

Before I could register what has happened, he had stopped his administration and I feel him lifted himself off of me. My eyes snapped open only to see him already casually seated again on his tatami mat acting all nonchalantly, like he wasn't affected at all by the little teasing, like he wasn't grinding on me just seconds ago.

I took a few deep breaths to compose my thoughts but it was pretty hard with a raging bulge tenting in my jeans. I have only deduced the situation correctly when I saw my phone resting on his hand and started to browse through my photo reel. I should have realized to what extend Tyler would go to get what he wanted. And as usual I would succumbed to all of his tricks. I wiped my damped forehead with the back of my hand and let out a defeated sigh before I sat back up.

"You're such a tease, Tyler. You shall not tease before you are ready to give." I imitated his previous words of wisdom and heard him chuckled before he turn his head to look at my undeniably flustered face.

"I gave you a fair warning, babe. You should have just listen and you won't be in this predicament that you're in." He said while waving my phone at me to further taunt me.

I huffed in defeat before he grinned and shoved my phone back to my jacket pocket. I took a big gulp of the plum wine in hopes that the alcohol would help control my libido but I knew in the back of my mind that it'll probably not work. A few moments later, the teasing was long forgotten and started to feast on the delicious food.

A few hours later we were back to the hotel and getting ready for bed. It has been a tiring but satisfying day nonetheless, but I need Tyler to have his rest because of the activities that I have planned for us for the next few days.

I was sitting on the bed replying to some of my fans on Twitter trying to pass the time when Tyler is still getting ready for bed. Just as I finished my last tweet, I looked up from my phone just in time to see a shirtless Tyler coming out of the bathroom. I was lost in my own thoughts while looking at him sauntering towards me and laid down on the bed beside me. He must have sensed my mood as he too was looking at me without a single sound.

"What's on your mind, Troye?" He whispered as he turned to lie on his side and buried half of his face into the fluffy pillow.

"Nothing.. I just love watching you." I said as I lifted my finger to tuck away a strand of his hair that has fallen on his forehead. "I've really missed you, Ty."

"I've missed you too." He said in a low and breathy voice, his eyes never leaving mine.

As our gazes kept locked at each other, I can't help but to take the moment to drink all of him in. With only the moon illuminating him, he still managed to look so radiant. I have grown to love everything about him but each time we reunited again, I would find something new to love. Like how he's sporting the new little wrinkles at the corner of his eyes, he looked more seasoned with it, more mature but his eyes still radiated innocence.

"You have diamonds in your eyes tonight. It's so beautiful."

He smiled upon hearing that, making his wrinkles more obvious. He leaned forward to kiss me lightly, his warm lips melting against mine. It was slow and it was lazy but everything about this kiss is perfect.

"You know you are everything to me, Ty. Without you, I'd be on my own."

"That's not true, Troye. You still have your family. You have Caspar and now you have Emma too."

"No, babe. You are my light and you make me shine. Sometimes I feel like my life is so gloomy without you in it. And all of these that I've made from singing, I'm not what I wanna be without you."

"But don't you get the thrill out of it? It's great what you're doing, Troye. Your music inspires people and you-" He stopped mid sentence, his finger lifted my chin up and I gazes back into his beautiful blue eyes.

"I care for you. And I know you care for me too. One can say the story of our lives are like a myth, but it's not. We're real. You're my best friend, baby, and the little things like distance and time could never contest it."

Upon hearing his loving declaration, I felt a sudden tightness in my chest. I gently pushed him back on the soft mattress while I lay my body on top of his and trapping one of his thigh between my legs. I connected my lips to his again and this time I poured all of my unspoken thoughts and emotions into it. He reciprocated my kiss with the same passion and I feel light as a feather. For I know I must be dead to receive such undeserving love from an angel.

The tightness I felt in my chest was caused by the overwhelming feelings that had bloomed from the seed of his love. It's growing so rapidly with the tenderness and care showered by this man under me and I felt it filling up my heart to it's biggest capacity. He knows me so well and he knew the exact words that would put my mind and heart at ease. How could I love this man any less? I think I could never. For he is my best friend, my partner and most significantly, he is my life.


	32. Chapter 31 - Jealousy

"Tyler."

I called out to him, his name seemed foreign with the tone I'm using. It was a little tired, a little frustrated but also laced with a little worry. I see his figure still strutting around the room, trying to collect as many of his belonging as he can in one stroll.

"Tyler, stop! What are you doing?"

I tried again to get a respond from him but all I get was the noises from his footsteps against the carpeted floor and the rustling sound of his pants rubbing between his inner thighs. This is not how I have expected the night to go and I feel my frustrations started to boil over to anger. I was seating at the edge of the bed, my hands clenching and unclenching, silently fuming at the cold shoulder that he's giving me. My eyes followed his every move, boring holes to his back while he is still rummaging the hotel wardrobe.

"What's your problem, Tyler? Talk to me! Don't ignore me!"

He stopped all his movement and turned abruptly to face me. I can see his body is slightly shaking; his breathing heavy and his face flushed red.

"What MY problem? Ask yourself that, you insensitive jerk!" His loud voice echoed across the room and woken up the angst monster in me.

"What? What the FUCK did I do? If you have something to say, just fucking say it! Don't be a child and STOP TALKING IN RIDDLES!" Maybe it was the alcohol that was numbing my sense of awareness but I've been blinded by rage with the attitude that Tyler was sporting right now. I know I'm lashing out but my brain to mouth filter is temporary forgotten and I say stupid things at times like these. I feel like I'm in a self destructive loop and I can't find my way out.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I can't believe you! If you think I'm being childish, please look at yourself in the mirror first!"

Before I realized my own action, my body already shot up from the bed and charged forward to him, slamming him against the wall beside the wardrobe. I cupped at his cheeks harshly with both my hands and forced his mouth to make contact with mine. The kiss was one sided and brutal for he has little to none movement with his head trapped between my deathly grip. His hands are clawing onto my arms, not sure to push me away or draw me in closer. I heard his weak whimper at my surprise attack and I took advantage of his slightly opened mouth to thrust my tongue into his mouth, forcing him to receive me.

For a moment his stance seemed to have mellowed down and started to push his body against mine like an animal in heat, but it was short lived for when in a split second, his passionate kisses had turned into a hard bite on my bottom lip, successfully piercing the skin and drew a tiny bit of blood. In my shocked state he had managed to push me away with a strong push against my chest followed by a sharp sting across my cheek.

He looked at me with fires in his eyes, his lips were trembling with anger or lust, I couldn't be sure. But his next words rung clear and loud into the room, his tone definitely angry.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Troye? Who gave you the right to do that? Who gave you the fucking right to just charm your way into my pants every time we had an argument?" His voice loud but shaky, with controlled breathing before he spoke again.

"What? You think you're this famous celebrity now, you can do whatever you like without any concern if your action would hurt other people, is that it?"

"Why don't you tell me straight in the face, what I did that was so wrong huh? Since you're the epitome of social justice!" I retorted back. My words seeped of sarcasms and hurt but like raging butterflies being released from their cage, it's hard to contained them back in it. My anger is blinding my better judgement and my rational mind had been locked away.

"Fuck you, Troye Sivan!"

His words felt like a stab in the heart but before I could respond, he had stridden passed my stunned figure and stormed off the room. I stood there near the wardrobe while staring numbly at the closing door, cursing to myself at how fast the night had change. I ran my fingers through my hair with a frustrated groan before I let out a scream, not entirely sure who the anger was directed at.

 _*Three hours earlier*_

I looked over to my right where Tyler was seated in the plush theatre chair. He was very much engrossed in the characters on screen and tears were sported rimming his eyes. Tonight was the night we took a little time out from our week long date and I've invited him to attend a special screening of my music videos with me.

This event plays an important role in publicizing my new album because the music videos would showcase my point of view as an artist and my songs revolves around who I am as a person in real life. The little private viewing was carefully organized by my label and Emma as my eyes and ears and when the situations calls for it, she will be my voice also.

I've been very careful to leave Tyler out of the limelight and I would only have brought him here if I was 100% sure that this event would only be attended by a small group of relevant people and not those invasive paparazis bunch.

As the video faded out into a black screen, the room was suddenly filled with brightness and I saw Tyler squinted his eyes at the sudden assault of light and he quickly wiped his tears away using blue striped pocket square that complimented his dark blue suit that I bought him.

I chuckled lightly with how invested he was into my music videos and I can't help the burst of happiness that Tyler had enjoyed it as much I did. Sounds of claps was soon to be heard and people walking up to me to shake my hand and congratulate me on the success of my year long hard work. I thanked them politely and told them how grateful I am for this golden opportunity, just as I was taught to say being in this business.

I felt a little tuck on my elbow before I turned to my left, not surprise to see Emma leaning in closer to whisper in my ear.

"Tyler and I will be at the after party. Don't worry about him and go and talk to the representative from the Rolling Stone, alright? They've been waiting to interview you for weeks and today is as good as any. And oh, the cover photoshoot is on Wednesday, don't forget."

I nodded without a sound as Emma left to join Tyler at the back entrance of the theater, already shielding himself from the public. I glued my eyes on Tyler for a few more seconds before shooting him a reassuring smile. He reciprocated, although his smile was a little tired but I opted that he was still a little emotional after watching the music videos. I wouldn't blame him.

The music videos talked about a love story between two boys and how they have to overcome discriminations throughout their lives. They kind of resonated our lives and most likely touched some nerves. I would never write or sing about something that I don't genuinely feel it. So I guess it's really no shame in showing my truest feelings in the form of art.

After spending about 30 minutes talking to Raymond, the journalist from Rolling Stone, he wrapped the interview up by an invading but unavoidable question.

"So, are you seeing anyone romantically at the moment?"

I was asked a lot about this question and each time when I had to lie and tell them no, it sticked another proverbial needle into my heart. He thanked me for answering all of his questions and I shook his hand before retreating into the back room of the theater. I met Mark in the room and he immediately came over to give me a bear hug.

"Troye Sivaannnn, my boy! You did so good with the album. The team is so proud and we're confident that the album will chart like craaaazy! No doubt! Ayeeee! Great job, great job my boy! Comeeee, let's go celebrate!"

Over the years, I've already grown accustomed to Mark. No matter how sober or tipsy he is, he would still be the funnest guy to be around and he's the best boss anyone could have. I chuckled as he placed his arm across my shoulder like two old buddies would and ushered me out to the rented limo waiting just outside of the theater main entrance.

We arrived to the after party in a small private club just a few blocks away and I was immediately welcomed by a lot of familiar faces. Matthias and his wife, along with some of the team that I used to work with back in New York were all present. It was a pleasant surprise that Mark had thought to invite them and frankly, this night is beginning to overwhelmed me a little.

All the significant people that had helped me become who I am today as an artist are all here. I couldn't have asked for more. My heart yearned to be close to the one person that meant the most to me but before I could start searching for him, I heard the sound of a silverware hitting gently on a glass by a person who obviously demanded the attention of the whole room.

I turned towards the sound, not surprised to see a slightly wobbly Mark standing on a small stage with a champagne glass in his hand.

"Listen up, people! First of all, I would like to thank everyone for coming tonight to this happy occasion. We are here tonight, to celebrate the start of a magnificent journey of this brilliant young man.. Thank you, Matthias by the way, for sending me his demo. Okay, wait.. what was I saying?"

He squinted his eyes and tilted his head to one side, as if that would help him recall his second half of his forgotten speech.

"Ah, right. We are here to celebrate this guy." He pointed his finger straight at me while he continue. "This undeniably talented and extremely irresistible, Troye Sivan! Here's to you and your success! To Troye!" He lifted his glass high up in front of him as he finished his toast.

I felt the heat rushed to my cheeks as I hear the echoes of my name being cheered by everyone in the room. The long stemmed glass of clear bubbly liquid was raised to the crowd before I poured a small sip of the cool liquid down my throat. When I lowered my glass back down, my eyes searched for Tyler's across the room, only to see his gaze already on mine. He is sporting a proud smile, a smile that was very different from the last one he shot me and I felt a strong pull to go over and tell him just how happy he made me by being here with me tonight.

I kept our gazes locked while I wormed my way over to the other side of the room where Tyler is standing, his face pink. Surely he would take full advantage of the free flow of alcohol tonight.

"The undeniably talented, the extremely irresistible, Troye Sivan..." He teases with borrowed words from Mark, a playful smirk apparent on his face. If the little glint in his eyes doesn't show his mischief, surely the upturn of the corner of his mouth gave him away.

"Extremeeely.." I said with a exaggerated wiggle of the eyebrows.

He cackled with such genuine humor and I couldn't get enough of it. He clinked that he was holding with mine and urged me to drink up as he did, our eyes never breaking our contact. Just as I see him flicked his eyes to someone behind me, I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders before I heard the familiar voice whispering into my right ear.

"Congratulations, big shot! I heard the private screening was a success."

I turned around quickly as I recognized the voice as the person whom I have been closely acquainted with for almost a week last month.

"Matthew! You came!" I said before going in for an awkward hug with a half empty champagne glass in my hand.

"Of course! How can I resist seeing you again, babe!" I chuckled lightly, trying to cover up my cringe upon hearing his flirty pet name for me.

When we parted he didn't immediately let go of me but regrettably snaked his arm around my waist and under my suit jacket. With my hip now stuck to his side, he turned his attention to where Tyler stood.

"Hey Troye, aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend?"

"Uhm, yeah. Matthew, this is Tyler. He's... _a friend_... from back home." I said, unsure of my choice of word but before I could think more of it, Matthew shot his right hand out to Tyler.

"Hi, I'm Matthe-"

"Oh but I know you, _gorgeous_.. You play Troye's love interest in his music videos, right? I'd never forget a pretty face like yours.."

I'm surprised with the words that tumbled out of Tyler's mouth. He was never this flirty with anyone else other than me. They both angered and worried me a little.

"Yes, Oh my God, stop! You're making me blush. Nice to meet you, Tyler. I'm Matthew."

Tyler shook his hand but seemed to lingered a little longer than necessary but I was quickly distracted when Matthew nudged my side with a small bump of his hip.

"This casanova here... he just went in for the kill. I swear I've lost count on the number of times the director had to stop the scene because 'it's too real' and then he complained that we 'used too much tongue'." He chuckled by himself, clearly amused by his own story and seemingly unaware of the slight change of expression on Tyler's face as he continue to recall the details of our filming days.

"But we've had such a good time filming it, didn't we Troye?" He asked with a sly smile on his face while smacking his hand playfully on my chest, utterly clueless of the severity of his words and actions.

"Yeah, uhm.. it was alright."

"It was alright? Hey, the hickeys that you left on my body was pretty dreadful to cover. And to think that I had to go for the Calvin Klein photoshoot the next day."

"Oh? So you're an actor and a model too?" I heard Tyler's effort to change the course of this conversation, his tone struggling to sound controlled.

"Oh no no, I'm not an actor. I was contacted by Emma and she offered me the job because I fit their criteria. I thought it would be fun and _boy was I right_. Someone better husband him soon, or else I will."

Just as he finished his own musing, I heard someone calling his name from a distant. Being the natural social butterfly that he is, he excused himself and left Tyler and I but before he slide his hand down to give my butt an obvious squeeze. I took another big gulp of the champagne to quench my suddenly very dry throat and grabbed another glass from the nearby waiter before I heard Tyler spoke.

"I think I should go back to the hotel."

"Okay, we'll go and I can text Emma in the car."

"No, you stay and mingle. It's your night. I can get back on my own." His words firm and emotionless.

"No, wait Tyler!" _Shit_. I placed the glass down onto the nearest table before sprinted to the direction where Tyler went.

 _*Back to present*_

The silence that filled the room was defeaning. After Tyler had abruptly left the room to myself, I kept thinking of the pinnacle point of when the night had changed. I raked my fingers through my undoubtly messy hair and I can feel the alcohol leaving my system with each breath I take in.

This is not how I envisioned the night to go. We were supposed to go to the screening, have some fun at the after party and come back to the hotel and make passionate love to each other. I closed my eyes, unconsciously willing it if I closed them long and hard enough, this nightmare would go away. But the sting on my cheek reminded me that it's here to stay unless I rectify it.

Tonight is the last night that Tyler would be in LA and it should be perfect. It should end with pleasant memories; not us being angry at each other and ended up doings things that we regret like trying to force kiss Tyler into submission. _Oh my god what have I done?_ I quickly pull my phone out to call him only to hear the sound of his phone vibrating on the wooden coffee table. _Fuck!_ Without an inch of an idea where I should start, I ran out of the room, out to the street of the LA street trying to look for Tyler, in hopes to right the uneasy feeling in my heart.

After hours of searching aimlessly around the neighbourhood, I returned to the hotel, my mind and body exhausted. Without a clue where Tyler might be, I desperately hoped that he would have calmed down and be back in our room. I pushed the huge glass door and walked across the luxurious lobby to the elevator before I heard the reception calling for me.

"Mr. Sivan, I have four messages for you from Ms Emma. She said it's urgent and ask you to call her back immediately."

I nodded at the receptionist, my heart started to thump a little harder at the urgentness of Emma's message. I cursed at myself when I saw the screen of my phone had refused to light up. That had explained why Emma hasn't called me directly. I went ahead and dialled Emma's number on the land line and she answered it without any delay.

"Troye?"

"Em, what's going on?"

"Troye, please come to the 77th street now and be discreet."

"Why? What are you doing there, Em?"

"Just come quietly. Tyler's been mugged. We're in the station now."

 _What?_


	33. Chapter 32 - Aftermath

I was literally shaking in the backseat, feet tapping on the floor of the car and fingers drumming across the worn out leather seat. I tried to stop my mind from going a mile a minute but I can't stop myself from urging the driver to go faster. Luck seemed to side with me now that the street was pretty empty, and the driver ran at least three red lights out of sheer pity of my distraught state.

Millions things were rushing through my mind and all of them revolved around Tyler. The distance to the station seemed like never ending and it was driving me nuts. I was still appalled by the events that had occurred in the room before he ran off by himself. I shouldn't have let him leave in the state he was in and if he's hurt to any degree at all, I will not forgive myself. The thought of Tyler wandering about the street, alone and vulnerable to those sniffing street rats scared the living shit out of me. And to think that he had been cornered by one and possibly been hurt sent my mind into a massive black hole of lividness.

With just a swerve into another corner, the cab driver announced that we have arrived at the LAPD on the 77th Street and I threw a couple of tens into the passenger seat in a hurry and quickly hopped out of the cab and made my way into the station. The familiar face I saw immediately was Emma's. She stood right up from the waiting room chairs, her face relieved when she saw me sprinting towards her.

"Where is he, Em? What happened? Is he hurt? I wanna see him!" I felt her hands grabbed firmly onto my arms to lessen my jitters before she pulled me over to a corner and spoke in a hushed tone.

"Calm down. He's still talking to the officer in the room. I reckon he'll be in there quite a while." She explained. "Why didn't you turn on your phone?"

"Battery's out. How long had he been in there? Did you see him just now? How was he, Em? You know what? I'm going in."

Emma's grip on my arms didn't loosen and I was held back. "Troye, what happened with you two? He was pretty shaken up when he called me. Why was he alone out there in the middle of the night?"

"We argued.. And I did something stupid. Em, I will tell you everything, but not now. I just need to see him now."

I knocked before turning the knob and pushing the door wide open, causing the blinds on the door to swing back and forth.

"Hey! Who are you? You can't be in here!"

Before I had the time to say anything I felt Tyler's figure slamming into my chest and wrapped his arms tightly around my torso.

"Troye... You're here... You're here..." He said against my chest but I can hear his voice was in near tears.

"I'm so sorry, Ty. I came as fast as I could. I-"

"Excuse me, we're trying to finish up this interview so we can do our job." Another set of voice sounded in the room, although still quite stern but slightly more well-mannered.

"No, Officers. Can he stay with me?

I heard Tyler's voice trembling a little and my heart took another stab. He looked so frightened that his figure seemed to be shrunken and his face was pale as a ghost. I led him to be seated again and I stood behind him, obediently waiting for the officers to finish asking their questions.

"So, what else can you remember about the person who attacked you? Any details would help greatly."

"It was pretty dark." He started. His answer was soft and low if compared to the question. "It happened pretty fast and I have been drinking, so it seemed a little blur to me." He made another pause and took a deep breath to stop the fear from surfacing. "He.. he had a knife."

When Tyler mentioned the word knife, that was when I saw a thin line of dried up blood smeared across his neck near his jaw. I gripped the chair which Tyler were sitting on tighter, trying to control the hot anger from bubbling up.

"Okay. So the suspect is male caucasian, age around 18-25, height around 5'5" - 5'8", brown hair and hazel eyes, thick eyebrows and thin lips. Is that it?"

Tyler nodded timidly, all the while fixing his eyes on the black surface of the table.

"Okay, please read through the report and if you have nothing else to add please sign at the bottom of the page."

Tyler squiggled his name on the dotted line before standing up to slip his cold and trembling hand into mine. I took him into my arms and drowned in the relieve of having Tyler safe within my arms again. When we parted from the hug, I kept him as close as I can without hindering our movements and cautiously took another cab and went back to the hotel along with Emma. Once there, we bid farewell to Emma as she would return to her apartment. It's late. I glanced at my watch and it showed that it's almost four in the morning.

The sight in our room was a terrible reminder of the events that had lead to this. I don't want to be reminded of my ridiculousness and I'm sure Tyler didn't too. I try to shove it all into the back of my mind and deal with it when the time is more accommodating. Pulling Tyler towards the bed, I plopped him down on the mattress and slowly undressing him.

I knelt on the carpeted floor on one knee and gently taking one of his leg by the ankle and placed it on my knee. I began loosening the shoelace and took his shoe off, then his socks, and proceeded to do the same with the other leg. I can feel his eyes following my every move but I refused to make eye contact with him. I feel ashamed. I'm ashamed of my behavior and I just want to take care of him now and forget about how I've messed up.

"Troye..."

He called but I didn't want to look up and risk seeing his seething face, shaming me for letting my anger get the best of me. I slid his suit jacket off his frame and began to unbutton his white shirt starting from the top. He stopped my hand when I was on the third button and spoke again.

"Troye.. please look at me.. _please_.."

I gave in to his pleading request and raised my head to look at him. His face was painted with pain and defeat and I can see that he was trying to tell me something. "I'm sorry, Troye.."

"What? Why are you sorry? I'm the one who should apologize. I acted rashly and my action had pushed you away and I should be-"

His lips were suddenly on mine and we kissed. It was slow and gentle at first but quickly turned urgent when I felt his tongue nudging at the seam of my lips, begging for entrance. I parted my mouth and let my tongue meet him halfway and his hands were grabbing a bit too tightly to the lapel of my suit. A few more swipes of tongues later he stopped and pulled away.

"Tyler, I-"

He stopped me again with a finger on my mouth. With his thumb, he brushed it back and forth on my bottom lip and slowly leaned in closer until his nose were nudging mine. My eyes flicked up to his, shocked to see they're dilated and piercing into my soul.

" _I'm sorry_ that I slapped you.." He moved his hand to rub his thumb against my cheek and he laid a soft kiss on the area that he just caressed. " _I'm sorry_ that I doubted you.." He moved his lips nearer to my lips, but not quite there and laid another feather light kiss near the corner of my mouth. " _I'm sorry_ that I was jealous.." He whispered against my mouth and his breath ghosting along my chin and jaw.

I shouldn't have felt so turned on right now but I can't stop the swirling warmth that started low in my belly and it moved across my whole body like liquid fire. The only sign that he might be feeling the same was his darken eyes and the constant puff of air dispelled from his rapid but shallow breaths. Other than those, I stayed rigid and silently waiting for his next move.

I didn't have to wait for long because his next action was to hold me by my shoulders and reversed our position, pinning me onto the bed. His soft lips and wet tongue continued to draw patterns across my jaw and down to my neck until the very edge of my suit collar. I heard a noise that sounded very much like a cross between a groan and a grunt, obviously frustrated with the obstruction of my clothes that were still covering my body.

I waited with bated breath while he changed his course towards my ear, his tongue poking out and licking the grooves of my inner ear before he gave a sudden nip to my earlobe. I hissed at the slight sting but the pleasure that it provided was greater and it shot hot electricity to my already hardening length. His hands remained busy, loosening and sliding my tie off and unbuttoning my shirt in quite a hurry.

"Take them off. I want all of them _off_.. _Now_.."

Hearing his demanding words has significant effect to my already hot body. The assertiveness he oozed sent delicious jolts of buzzing sensation to all my nerves ending and I fumbled terribly with my belts and pants, most probably caused by the heedy state my brain was in. When he was finally done unbuttoning my shirt, he spread the fabric open and rained more open-mouthed kisses down my chest, greedily mapping my skin with his hot mouth and wet tongue.

" _I'm sorry_ I've ruined your big night.." He said, his voice suddenly soft again. He continued sucking on my skin, his hands carded my hair and tipped it upward just so he could laved at the skin below my Adam's apple. When he reached the deep groove of my collarbone, I gasped at the sudden sharp pain made by his blunt teeth on my collarbone and my hips bucked up on their own accord.

"Tylerr.. Aahhh.." I was panting and my words are incoherent. But I do know I need him, and I need more.

" _I'm sorry_ that I love your music videos... and _hated them to death_ at the same time.." He enveloped one of my highly sensitive nipple into his warm mouth and I moaned aloud when he started sucking harshly. At the same time he released his grip on my hair and turn its attention to my other nipple, pinching and tugging roughly at it and I can't stop the bashful, loud moan from tumbling out.

"Yes, baby.. Feels good.. _Aahhhh-_ " My body was starting to tremble in anticipation and I clasped onto the cover on the bed to stay still and relished fully in his ministration. I was breathing harshly through my mouth, trying desperately to breathe in new cool air to replace the hot ones that I expelled fairly quickly. When he released both my nipples with a deliberate tug, I keened and let out a rugged breath. "Tyler...Ty, baby.. I need more.."

Tyler's grunt could have easily triumphed a growl of a beast and with a new determination on his face, he roamed both his hands along my torso and meet at the edge of my half undone pants. His fingers dipped underneath the waistband of my underwear, pulling it along with my pants down in a swift movement and stopped at my mid thigh. I bucked upwards in reflex as my full length sprung out of its confinement.

I shivered as the cool air breezed upon my swollen tip and I craved for release. The intensity of Tyler's gaze had almost caused me to combust because when his eyes stopped below my belly to admire my undeniably throbbing length, he darted back to my face and grinned slyly. "But _I'm not sorry_ for being the only one who get see you like this... Tell me, Troye.. Am I? The only one?"

"Yess, _yes baby_.. Only you.. _AHHH-!_ I shouted, my body writhing and trashing uncontrollably at the sudden onslaught of tightness around my length. He started to stroke my length in an excruciatingly slow pace, designed to drive me absolutely wanton and breathless.

" _Shit!_ Tyler..your hands feels incredible.. _So good_.. OH MY GOD, F-FUCK TYLERR!"

I have never thought I was capable to sound so loud and not feel a pinch of shame. The amount of pleasures surging through my body had turned my brain blank when he suddenly descended his mouth onto my length. The tight squeeze on the base and the hotness of his mouth was too much for my brain to function properly. My body was constanly writhing and without both his arms resting their weight on my thighs, I would have bucked frantically into his mouth without intending to.

He bobbed his head in a slow up and down rhythm while his hand wrapped the remaining area that his mouth couldn't reach. It was making it more and more difficult for me to form a coherent sentence, let alone taking control of the situation. Having Tyler this assertive had coaxed unexpected reactions from my being and I was deep in a black hole of desire. _So deep.. Ahh-hh.._ I let out a breathy moan when suddenly Tyler gave one last suck to the tip and released my whole length abruptly and stood up.

In the midst of my lust induced haze, I saw him still eyeing my length with a burning desire but when he looked up and made contact with my eyes, I was stunned by the complexity of his feature. His face was hard but eyes spoke so softly and gently at me, his erected shoulders said confidence but his lingering nymph-like fingers on my thighs betrayed his unsureness. He was a ball of conflictions and he was contemplating which route he should choose but I felt something has shifted tonight.

We weren't the Tyler and Troye from high school anymore. We weren't the carefree Tyler and innocent Troye no longer. Tonight, we were just Tyler and Troye.

With my new found realization, I pushed myself up from the bed and sat close to his standing figure. I leaned in to kiss gingerly on the exposed skin peeking through his half opened shirt while my hand gripped onto both sides of his hips. His skin felt really warm against my lips and I can feel the muscles underneath the thin skin contracted upon the contact. He whimpered when I placed more wet kisses around the soft skin of his belly and he responded by tugging lightly onto the back of my head, making sure my lips stayed where they were. I lapped, I sucked and I bit his skin and was rewarded with a constant flow of short moans and hitched gasps.

He whined at me when I detached my mouth from him but I quickly made a fast work on his shirt and pants and aided him out of the obstructive materials in record time. His length stood out proudly, red and full and throbbing with his tip glistening with precums. I resisted the incredible urge to lean forward and just suck him dry. No. Tonight, it's going to be different. I closed my hand around his erected length and give it a few tugs and stopped.

"Tilly, I want you to take me.."

He inhaled harshly through his flared nostrils and his dark eyes widen at my request. His body tensed significantly but not reluctant to the idea. Something was still pulling him back and I need break his doubting inhibition.

"Tyler, I need you to fuck me." My voice firm but pleading. He continued to breathe harder, his resolve crumbling at the edges.

"Fuck me _hard_ and fuck me _fast_." His fists clenched and unclenched.

"Fuck me _deep and thorough-_ "

" _Christ!_ Troye..." With one strong push, I was on my back and pants were off entirely. He grabbed me by my waist to pulled me near his kneeling figure, my butt at the edge of the bed before he flipped me over and laid on my front.

"Fuck, Troye.. You look _so fuckable_ this way." He said while grabbing a full globe of flesh of my buttcheeks in each hand.

"Yesss, yes Tyler, please, fuck me."

In an instant he places his hands on both of my inner thighs and nudges them open. His mouth was immediately latching onto one of my cheek and sucked a mouthful of flesh into his wet mouth, not caring if I'm writhing and thrusting my body backwards. He grunted again at the same time pulling my cheeks to the side and his tongue very quickly made its way nearer to my sensitive hole. "Oh GOD Tyler, _pleaseee.._ " I begged shamelessly and he complied.

His pointed tongue was nudging at my opening, breaching the tight ring of muscles with one go and pulled away. He repeated the action but this time he sunk his tongue deeper and I keened and moaned, momentarily forgetting how to speak. The stretch was foreign but not unpleasant, it was strange but not unwanted. In fact, it made me desperate to feel more friction, to have him stretching me further, to finally have him connected to me.

"Uhhh, baby.. baby please.. I want more.. please.." He seemed to respond very well to my pleads because once he retrieved his tongue, he quickly replaced it with his finger. " _Aahhhh.. OHHH SHIT_..babeee.."

He pumped his single digit in and out, twisting it at a certain angle to make the stretch smoother for me.

"You are so fucking tight babe.. you sure you wanna do this?" He asked, his voice laced with genuine concern.

"Yes, Ty. I want this... I want you.."

"Fuck." He voice thick with lust. He spit onto my filled hole before adding another finger.

"Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh... Ty, that's good. _Yesss.. soo good..goddammit!_ "

With each thrust he twisted his fingers and pushed them apart and I can feel my inner muscles rebelling against being stretch. But the sensation of being push apart by his strong fingers sent waves of tickling lust to my body. His actions had cause my length to harden beyond normal comprehension.

"Tyler, I need you now. Please, I need to cum. Please, please.. Fuck me now!"

I let out a soft whimper as he pulled out his fingers in a fast movement, causing my knees to buckle a little. I heard the shuffling of the drawer before he came back behind me, kneeling as he did before and at once spreaded the cool lubricant against my hot and well stretched hole.

As his blunt tip nudges against the opening, I felt my heart hammering against my rib cage but not because of fear and worry. My heart was racing because I would be giving my first time to Tyler, just as he had given his to me. Our firsts for each other. Our love for one another.

Then slowly, he thrust forward, his tip breaching the tight muscles and I welcome the burn. It had burn so fucking good. With every inch he entered me, he stretched me wider. It was as if my body recognized his, the friction was shooting sparkles of pleasure all over and soon he was all the way in. We're connected as one once more.

He leaned forward to connect his chest onto my still clothed back and waited patiently for my green light.

"Baby, you feel so good.. so fucking hot and tight.." He whispered huskily in my ear before I groaned and wiggled my butt, causing another sexy moan from him. He started a slow rhythm of short thrusts, pulling out only a little before thrusting back into me and gradually increases his thrusts, pulling away further each time and slammed harder back in. I heard myself moaning louder in sync with each thrusts, my voice raspy and high pitched.

"Harder babe.. Faster.."

With that he straighten his back and have a strong hold on my waist before slamming his length into me with increased determination and urgency. In and out, in and out, the room filled with the sound of panting breaths and skin slapping on skin.

"Jesus fucking Christ, this feels so good... _so fucking good_ , Troye.." He pulled my body up in a swift and we both sank down to the floor, with me sitting on his laps with my knees bent on each side of his thighs. When we were both adjusted to the new position, he began his power thrusts upward and the new angle had allowed him ample possibility to hit the spot deep within me that would make me go insane with pleasure. At this point I feel my body was too tensed and tight, like an arrow being pulled back, ready to be released and shoot out with an extreme speed.

As if he read my mind, his hand came around from behind to get a good grip on my leaking length. Giving it a few hard and deliberate strokes, I feel my impending orgasms dashing to cross the finish line. With a few more hard thrusts onto my prostate and a few more tugs on my length, I came with a roar and the intensity of my orgasm had made me putty and boneless. I felt myself slumping against his chest while his arm draped across my abdomen, posing as a support to my jelly state. A few more thrusts later, he shouted my name with his completion and emptying his hot load deep in me.

We both collapsed onto the carpeted floor beside the bed and took a few moments to calm our breathings and waiting for our limps to regain their consciousness.

"Tilly, that was..."

"Yeah.. it was..."

"Wow..."

"Yeah, wow.. and also... Wow..."

I chuckled at his inability to form proper sentence and wiggled closer to him to feel his warmth against my back. When my heart was no longer beating uncontrollably, I realized we still have issues that we need to address. But after that intense orgasm, it was suffice to say that we should hold off any kind of discussion because we've both had a very long day. As I feel my eyelids getting heavier, I felt his kiss at the side of my neck before I heard him speak.

"Sleep, Troye. We'll talk tomorrow."


	34. Chapter 33 - Understanding

The first thing that came to my mind when the haze of my sleep had gradually cleared with each passing seconds was that I was alone in the bed. My arm, which was sprawled across the wide space beside me had told me as much. By the touch of it, I have been alone for quite some time. The bedsheet was crumpled and lacking heat, it made my eyes water and my heart sink to think that Tyler had left without so much of a goodbye. My mind wandered to the events that happened just before we went to bed; the premiere, the after party, the fight, the police station and the sex. God, the sex. My heart fluttered a little, like a newborn moth trying its first flap of it's wings when I think of it. But when I remembered that I was in the absence of Tyler, my fluttering heart sank again.

My mind was overly crowded and muddled with conflicting images; with so many thoughts assaulting me at once, it created a great confusion of the current situation. From the unfounded jealousy to the unexpected fight and the inevitably passionate make up sex, I'm left with so many unsureness. Are we okay? Is Tyler still mad at me? Didn't we say we will talk about it? Then, why did he leave?

I let out a defeated sigh, thinking that Tyler must have left because he didn't want to deal with me at the moment. I wouldn't blame him. What I did yesterday, it was unforgivable. I was insensitive and outrageously stupid, I should have better control of what should have happened the night before. It was such a whirlwind of emotion circling around my insides, from the slight churning in my tummy to the violent thumping in my head, I couldn't fault anyone else for my predicament other than myself. Cursing the sunlight that was rudely peaking through the slit of the curtain, I covered my light sensitive eyes with my arm, silently hoping that the sun would burn out and there would be nothing left in the world but darkness.

Just as I was about to drown in my self pity, a familiar beep of the key card was heard and soon enough, the door was open and in came Tyler, all dressed up in his acid wash jeans and a black T-shirt. He would have looked incredibly sexy with his tight T-shirt outlining his fit torso but he looked like he could have tumbled over at any second if he lose an ounce of focus. He was concentrating on balancing at least three brown paper bags on top of a full takeout tray from Starbucks. Then, with his other hand, he was fumbling with the keycard which he had just swipe at the door before he came in.

It was pretty endearing to see Tyler being so focus on such tasks. It reminded me of our times in Michigan when Tyler and I were being all domestic and shit, it was both sappy and impossibly precious at the same time. Tyler would be in the kitchen every morning and woke me up with the delicious smell of fresh pancakes and a hot cup of latte, and my day was already started to be a good one.

"OH sugar fudge!" Tyler cursed under his breath, though a little low, but was enough to snap me out of my daydreaming. I looked at him just in time to see him frantically placing the takeout tray on the coffee table before bending down to pick up two of the bags which must have tipped over when he tried to have them on the table without spilling the coffee.

"Tyler.." My throat felt raw and my voice sounded like a frog.

"Holy shoot! Troye! Are you trying to scare me to death?"

I almost giggled with how fast Tyler snapped his head up to look at me with his widen eyes. I almost did, but it was then I realized Tyler had came back. He hadn't leave me even after what happened yesterday. He came back and it was all that I could have hoped for.

"I thought you left." I told him as I sat up, my back leaning against the headboard, eyes fixed on Tyler. His face turned soft when he heard it.

"Of course you would think that." He sighed. Retrieving a cup from the tray and grabbing two of the brown bags, he made his way to me, sitting himself on the bed beside me and handed me the cup which I suspected was still steaming hot. I took it from him, at the same time I sat up straighter, the cover dropped and bunched around my waist.

Carding my hand through my undoubtedly messy morning hair, I took a sip, instantly regretting the decision as my earlier assessment was correct. The coffee scalded my tongue but I didn't show it. Looking up, I saw that Tyler was sweeping his eyes across my face, his eyes were curiously darting all over, as if obsessing over every little detail on my face. I had only managed to rest my gaze on him and kept my silence, not wanting to discourage the loving look he was bestowing on me. It felt good.

"So.." He started. His face showed nothing but the same demure and soft look he wore since he had sat down.

"So.." I said in the same tone, trying to gauge his mood without having to say much.

"You'd think I'd fuck you, and then bolt?" My eyes widen, my face undoubtedly red as I felt the hotness rushed to my face. That was definitely not what I was expecting to be spewed out of Tyler's mouth this early in the morning.

"Oh my god... Tyler." I groaned at his bluntness whilst I brought my free hand to rub my eyes, trying to cover up my embarrassment.

"What? I'm just voicing out what you'd be thinking if our roles were reversed. We've fought, we've made up AND you let me fuck you-"

"Okay, Tyler. I get it."

"..and after fucking you, I would just pack my bags and sneak out like a little piece of shit-"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry."

"..and then maybe, when I feel like I wanted another taste of your ass, I'll just booty call- ...Mmmmph-"

I stopped his ridiculous teasing by covering his mouth with mine. This is the most effective way to shut him up. My grip on the back of his neck tighten as our impromptu kiss turned heated. With the gentle sliding of our lips together, they created pleasurable tingling and my body felt warm. I nibbled on his plump bottom lip, coaxing him to open his mouth before I plunged my tongue in and played with his.

The slow frenching was delightful, it lit fire to my insides as I taste the familiar warmth that just screamed Tyler. Tilting my head to the side, the angle had allowed me to deepen the kiss, my tongue delved as deeply as I could, desperate to savor every inch of his mouth that never fail to make me putty. When we parted, we were both pretty out of breath, but both sported a goofy grin with our foreheads still connected.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't assume things. I'm just being stupid, as usual." I spoke first, not caring if I'm still a little breathless.

Then I heard his chuckle, the sound that I have long been in love with. "Yeah, you are. And to think that I actually walked five blocks to get your favorite sandwich from Jimmy's..." He let his words trailed off, as he dropped the two brown bags to the bedside table. His face looked so handsome right now, I felt hypnotized, I had to dip back in and steal another kiss, to have another taste of that beautiful lips of his, or the consequences would be foul. When he reciprocated the kiss so willingly, I was light again and all my insufferable hangover vanished.

"I can't even tell you how happy I am to see you. I felt like my heart have been on a roller coaster ride on a raging stormy night." I confessed.

"Wow, dramatic much?" He giggled at his own teasing, while backing away just enough to grab the coffee, which miraculously haven't spilled onto the bed after our kisses, and place it with the rest on the bedside table. His hands came back to mine, playing with fingers and gently tracing the lines on my palms.

"No, I'm serious! From the time when I woke up, realizing you weren't here until you started fumbling back into the room, it went from a hundred to zero and back to a hundred in that short span of time."

He kept his eyes locked on my face, again studying it with fine concentration before looking down to our intertwined hands. There's an emotion colouring his face, something very familiar, but I couldn't quite pin point what it was.

"Well, come on. Scoot over and lay on your stomach." He said in an abrupt manner, at the same time broken my train of thought.

"What? Why?" I questioned, but did as he asked anyway. I rolled over to the empty space beside me and buried my head into the fluffy pillow that smelled of Tyler's shampoo. He went over to the table and took the last bag before I felt the bed dipped again. I was startled by the sudden whoosh of cool air on my bare ass when Tyler had given the cover a hard flip over.

"Ty! What are you doing?" I shrieked.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

I craned my neck back jut in time to see his annoying little smirk, his hand holding a small tube that looked like an ointment or something of the sort, I can't be sure. He was peeling off the clear plastic around the cap.

"But what are you gonna do with that?"

He released an exasperated huff as a form of answer before his palm landed on one of my buttcheek with a hard smack. I yelped and felt my body tensed up immediately as the force of his palm had reminded me of yesterday's 'activity'. The burn wasn't as bad, but the soreness was no where near pleasant. In the moment of my brief panic and my futile disappointment earlier on, I have totally forsaken the slight stinging sensation on my ass until Tyler had so rudely reminded me of it.

"Uh-huh, that's what I thought. I'm just trying to be a thoughtful and caring boyfriend and care for your delicate ass after-"

"So you thought to give my 'delicate ass' a hard slap even after? It hurts, you know?" I retorted, wiggling my ass a little.

Then I felt his fingers smoothing over the area he had smacked just seconds before. My chest filled with a sudden wave of guilt; the smack didn't hurt that bad, I was just messing with him. He was wearing that look on his face again, the look which told that he's the one in pain, which made zero sense. He was still cheerily making fun of my rear situation just before. Taking a moderate breath, I chose to ask him about it, rather than making the mistake of assuming things again.

"Ty, are you-"

"I'm sorry, Troye-"

We chuckled simultaneously, it was rare that we're this awkward with each other. But watching as Tyler's eyes drooped gradually, his chuckle was tiny bit forced.

"No, Troye. Let me say this." His voice a little gruff, like he's almost on the verge of tears. It pained me a little and it took me what's left of my strength to keep myself from lunging over to him to comfort him in any way I can. So instead, I kept my distant and wishing that my silence would urge him to continue. Sure enough, with a few minutes of quiet, he spoke with a a more composed tone.  
"I'm really sorry for my inexcusable behaviour yesterday. I was all over the place, I was such a mess." He said. His fingers began spreading a dollop of ointment onto the area which he deemed to be quite sore. The coolness of the ointment was soothing, I can feel the medicinal value began to work its magic. His movement was ginger, like he's afraid if he exerted too much strength, I would disintegrate before his eyes.

"I haven't been 100% myself, not when I'm under the pressure of the limelight." Then his fingers smooth over the the crease of my ass, slowly applying the soothing ointment near to my entrance. I let out an accidental hiss and his fingers halted.

Fuck. "It's okay, Ty. Keep going."

While he was contemplating my reassurance, I wiggled my ass a little as an extra incentive and encouragement. I smiled to myself when his fingers started to glide over my skin again before long.

"Yesterday was... liberating, to say the least. When I watched the final edit of your videos, I was speechless. My heart could burst from how proud I am for you because they were so beautifully made and they spoke to me. I know how hard you have worked for your album and seeing how great your music turned out, seeing you being so happy and comfortable in your element, right where you belong, I can't help but feel inferior.

"What? Ty-"

"Shush, let me finish." Tyler scolded when I tried to intercept his foolish speech. I grumbled to myself and perched myself up onto my elbows, now resting on the pillow.

"I was quite inferior to the whole entertainment business, with so many people constantly shoving things and opinions in your face and asking you all types of questions, it's hard. But you have been great in coordinating and balancing that kind of life. Those scenes suited you. You are a natural and so talented, people tend to love you and adore you. Troye, you were born to be in the limelight!" He sighed a little dejectedly, his free hand carded into his hair and shook his head unnervingly. "Sometimes, I just wonder why am I still here, why can't I just let go and stop being a dead weight that constantly dragging you down."

I listened to his absurd rambling, it was borderline insane, what he had just said. I sat up abruptly and turned towards him, my hands clung to his wrists in a firm grip.

"Tyler, do you know how ridiculous you sounded? What are you talking about? You are so many things to me but none of it is a dead weight. Gosh, are you kidding me?" I released a loud sigh, making my thoughts on Tyler's preposterous assumption known to him. "After everything that we've been through together, through all the thick and thin, highs and lows, do you still doubt me? Doubt that I will not trade all of these for you?

"That's the thing though, I don't want you to give it up for me. It's too selfish. And it's not worth it. Your life, your career, meant so much more! And having someone who can't be a big part of it-"

"Then _be_ in it, Ty. It was never my intention to keep you a secret. I will shout it out loud to anybody who would listen. I'd even do it now, if you want. I'd call Emma and have her arrange an interview and I-"

"You know I can't. I don't want that."

"Yeah, you're right, Ty. I do know. But I never knew why. Why can't you?" I pushed. I have been wanting to know for the longest time and right now seemed to be a crucial time to find out.

"Because I'm _fucking terrified_ , okay? I'm terrified that these happiness would crumble as soon as the news of me got out! I don't want to ever have the opportunity to ask myself how did I come to lose it!"

"Babe, you're not making any sense right now. How will that affect anything between us? If anything, I think my fans would be happy for me." I tried to rationalize his absurd behaviour, I knew Tyler was always insecure about certain things, but never about our relationship.

"Not when they find out that I have a fucking homophobic father and that he blames me for Jackie's death! Don't you see it? Once they knew about me, they will start digging and digging until they find dirt and spread them across the front page of every entertainment platforms. That will be too much, Troye! I don't wanna be reminded of my mother's death everyday! I don't think I can handle them!" Tyler's face was flushed, his chest was heaving and his lips trembling, all those signs that led me to think that he's having a panic attack, but then he continued on.

"I don't want my past to shine any negative light to your career. You know how vicious the media is. They'll eat it up in a second and god knows what that'll do to your reputation. But this is fucking frustrating! I want us to be together but I physically can't be with you. Every second when I'm around you, I had to refrain myself so terribly hard from touching you, kissing you and be close to you. But whenever my mind wanders to the possibility of being exposed, there's a gnawing voice in my head that I can't shake, telling me that I would go down and bring you down with me. I don't want that to happen, I never want that!"

I was equally stunned as I was relieved. Tyler's little outburst had shined some light onto a few things. One, he still wants me as much as I want him. Two, I know now what I don't know before, the reason why he was so firm on not telling our relationship to the media. And three, Tyler can be pretty daft sometimes but this must be the daftest he had been, and I am going to rectify it.

I raised both of my hands to cup his face, forcing him to stay eye contact with me. "I'm gonna ask you a question and then you're gonna ask me one back."

He looked a little worried, took a big swallow, just like how he would have every time he felt nervous, and I can't help but flicked my gaze to the rolling motion of his throat. I drifted my eyes back to his, locking him in another staring match before I spoke again.

"Are you planning on breaking up with me?"

His eyes widen a bunch when he caught on to my question. "God.. Troye, of course not!"

"Okay, good. Then ask me." I goaded.

"Ask you what?" was his immediate reaction.

"Ask me, _how fast_ I would throw all of this away. All these.. _fame_ and _reputation_ and whatever that makes you feel inferior to. Ask me _how_ _fast_ I would leave this all behind and never look back, if it means that you will stay with me, no matter what. So, ask me, Ty."

His lips began to tremble more viciously, tears rimming his eyes. "H-how f-fast?"

"In a heartbeat."


	35. Chapter 34 - The Calm

"Faster, Tyler. Faster!"

"Shut up. You're not exactly helping when you keep yelling at me like that!"

"Well, if you've been doing it correctly, I wouldn't have to yell at you. Come on, you can do better than this. Faster!"

"I'm going as fast as I can, Troye!"

"You're doing it wrong! And it's hard enough! Okay, stop. Stop! Come on, let's switch."

"Fine. You do it. Let's see how hard and fast you can go."

I watched as Tyler very cautiously stepped closer to the rim of the huge barrel before I extended a hand to help him out of it.

"I don't wanna be rude but it was you who suggested for us to crush these grapes with our feet."

"They are called must. We've already de-stemmed them so they're called _must_ now. God, Troye. Haven't you learn anything?"

"Okay. Fine. Now help me get in because the _must_ aren't gonna crush themselves." I said as Tyler gave me a little lift up and I sat my ass on the edge before I turned around and hopped myself into the barrel full of ripen grapes.

It was a little weird feeling all those grapes under my feet. They were cold and wet but the sensation was not too unpleasant. It's just a little strange seeing that I don't go stomping around in a barrel full of grapes every day but bless Tyler. It was him who insisted that we experience the wine-making process using the most traditional method in order to appreciate the beauty of it. In fact, he has developed a very unhealthy obsession to pick apart every little detail of the whole process so he doesn't mess anything up. It's really adorable because he has not stopped his little obsession ever since we embarked on our little impromptu getaway a few months ago.

After the whole debacle that followed the premiere of my music videos, I've promptly suggested that we go on an adventure and forget about the real world for a while. It was a little spontaneous, yes, but after all the separation that Tyler and I had to endure, I think we've earned ourselves a little vacation. It took a bit of persuasion but in the end Tyler was as equally excited about the idea of seeing the world for a bit.

* _flashback*_

 _"Are you crazy? We can't just up and leave everything behind? You have a album coming out soon and I"ll have the diner to tend to..."_

 _"Tyler, stop. Listen to me. This will be great! We've always wanted to go and see the world together. And to be honest, I have been feeling guilty for always putting our plans on hold because of my work. Don't worry about my album. I can call Emma, although I might have an earful from her but she'll postpone everything for me. She's great at her job. And as for you, you can trust Korey to tend the diner for you for a couple of months, right? I mean, he has been doing such a great job every time you come to visit-"_

 _"A couple of months? Okay, it's official. You're out of your mind! It's one thing we have a little vacation for a few days but a couple of months? Absolutely not."_

 _"I promise, it's gonna be so awesome! We can go anywhere you want! We'll go to the safari and track the wild elephants, we'll feed the hyenas in Namibia, or we can dive with sharks and rays swimming around us in Okinawa. Come on, Tyler, please?"_

 _He seemed a little less reluctant after I've recited some of the things that are in his bucket list. Actually, I've had everything in his bucket list memorised. I know I'm not playing fair, but sometimes, playing fair does not necessarily be in the best interest for me especially when it comes to Tyler. And when the corner of his lips twitched and turned into an upward curve, I knew I've won._

 _*flashback ends*_

"Oh my god, Troye! You're even worse than me! I don't know what I was thinking when I let you convinced me to switch."

"What I don't understand is why did you insist on crushing them using the most exhausting method? The vineyard has perfectly good grape pressers. And I don't know if you noticed, those pressers are designed _specifically_ to substitute all these manual labors?"

"I can't believe we're having this conversation again. I told you, we're making our own wine and when the vineyard delivers our bottles to us in a couple of months, I want it to be perfect! Absolute perfection! I don't trust those machines. They might crush the seeds and release all the tannins. You don't want to have a bitter undertaste to our wine, do you?"

I know better than to argue with Tyler when he has the very determined expression on his face. Well, in all honesty, I knew why he opted to do it the traditional way but I just felt like teasing him and see him get all flustered like right now. It's really cute.

Well, I have to give it to him. This was much less of a hassle than some other things that we have done in the last couple of months. And Tyler, naturally, with his obsession to try everything the traditional way have had us churn butter from goat's milk for hours when we're in Morocco, made those delicious Georgian hazelnut candy from scratch where we had to string those crunchy hazelnuts using a big ass needle before we dip them in syrup and we also baked those huge Armenian bread called "Lavash' in their traditional kitchen. Those Armenian clay oven was no joke; it was so hot, I felt the heat burn the hairs off my arms when I retrieved the bread from it.

This trip has been a wonderful whirlwind of fun and excitement. With each place we visited, it was like a doorway opened for us to discover new things about each other and embrace them with as much love as we could. Like how childlike he looked when he dared me to try the hottest curry in India, or how tenacious he was when he tried to outrun a racing camel in Dubai, or how he countered his fear of heights when he jumped off the cliff in Bali? And here I thought I couldn't love this person any more than I do. And I couldn't be happier to be proven wrong by this trip.

From time to time, we kept Emma and Korey updated of our current location. Our phone conversations would always be quite brief but not without some teasing and pestering, from Emma especially, on the date of our return. We always kept it vague because we've been having so much fun, we're really not keen on the idea of putting an end to it any time soon. But when we hit the fourth month mark, Emma called and gave me a resolute deadline for us to wrap up our trip because she can no longer put off the drop of my album.

And so, here we are, spending the last few weeks of our impromptu vacation in one of the most beautiful country that has a special place in my heart, Cape Town, South Africa. The reason we ended up in this vineyard was purely because of the privacy and serendipity the place provided. It belonged to one of my father's old friend, William White and given that my memory of it was pretty old, it's still as beautiful as I remembered when I visited all those years ago.

I gave my wet hair a last wipe before I pulled one fresh t-shirt out of the closet and slide them on. After the long and tiring task of wine-making, Tyler had annoyingly called dibs on the shower first. I contemplated barging into the shower with him. I would have if I wasn't so spent, so I opted to let him clean himself in peace before I did the same after he was done. Stepping down the grand stairs, I quickly spotted Tyler's blonde hair hidden behind the neatly trimmed bush just outside of the patio. As I walked out with the intention to join him, I heard two sets of voice interacting with each other.

"No way! You're pulling my leg, aren't you?"

I heard Tyler's high-pitched voice followed by a laugh by another person.

"No, I'm serious. If you concentrate hard enough, you can actually hear the sweet whistling sound coming from the direction of the barn at night. The legend said that it was the ghost of my ancestor who looked over this land and kept it fertile." Said the second voice which belonged to Charles White, the only son of William White. When we first got in contact with the vineyard, we were told to send all our requirements to Charles. He had took on all the responsibilities of the vineyard and the wine exporting business after his father had passed away two years ago.

"Stop trying to scare my boyfriend, Charles. That tale failed to scare me when I was seven but that doesn't mean it won't scare Tyler now." I teased.

That earned me a friendly chuckle by Charles and a light jab to my rib as I sat down beside Tyler. "Oh, fuck off Troye. I'm not scared. Just... intrigued." Tyler said a little unconvincingly and I shot him a knowing smile. He smiled back and we kept our gazes for a couple of moments before we heard a light cough by Charles. We broke our staring match and turned to look at Charles, who has already stood up and ready to go.

"I guess that's my cue to leave you two lovebirds alone. And Tyler, don't worry about it. I'll make sure it's all done according to all your demands."

"Thanks, Charlie. I owe you one."

I looked at their exchange in silence. With that, Charles made his exit and Tyler scooted away from me a few feet before he laid down and rested his head onto my laps.

"What was that all about?" I asked as I ran my fingers into Tyler's hair, feeling the softness of the strands in between my fingers.

"Oh, you know. Just some fine details on the delivery of our bottles." Tyler said in between sighs as he closed his eyes, likely to be enjoying the light massage I was giving his scalp. We didn't speak for a couple of moments and just surrender ourselves into the peacefulness the vineyard. The sun was setting in the far horizon; the once bright blue sky had gradually turned orange and getting dimmer as the grey-ish cloud shading the striving light. It was picture perfect.

"What are you thinking about, Troye?"

I was reeled back by Tyler's voice, his eyes still closed when I turned back to him. His face looked so relaxed and soft, like a child with no worries and burden. I want to make it my life goal to keep that look on his face. It has been a while ago but it always feel so effortless whenever I thought about how our future would be like, whether we'd be married or have kids, there will always be the two of us in the equation.

"Us." I told him.

That has Tyler open his eyes and looked up at me from my lap. "Oh? What are you thinking about?"

"Well, for starters I was thinking how the hell I'm gonna be having any sex tonight now that my legs felt like jellies after all those stomp- OW!"

"You will not finish that sentence if you value your sex life." He said after lifted his finger and poked the spot just below my rib. I chuckled before I said again, in a more serious tone this time. "I was just thinking about how nice if we can just stay here forever. It'll be nice to build a home here, don't you think?"

"A home? Like, a family?"

"Hmm, yeah. We can throw in a few kids in the picture. And have them run around in our-"

" _A few_ kids? Wow mister, you ought to put a ring on it before we discuss any kid."

I laughed. That was so Tyler. "I mean, yeah. We can do that. I'd propose and we'll get married in the states and-"

"Whoa, whoa. Hold up! Is this how you're gonna propose to me? Oh no, no, no.." He said dramatically as he sprung up from my lap, one hand closed over his heart and feigned a disbelief look. "Troye Sivan, you've changed! You used to be more romantic than this. If this is how you're going about a wedding proposal, then no. You're leaving the proposing to me."

"What? I seemed to remember I did quite well when I asked you to be my boyfriend." I defended.

"Are you seriously comparing a wedding proposal to that? Besides, we're teenagers back then. Listen, I don't care what's the divorce rate in the world right now but I'd like to think that I'm gonna get married only once, and hopefully, stay married after that so if you do anything stupid to ruin the perfect proposal, I swear I'm gonna kill you in your sleep."

I couldn't supress the laugh that was forcing its way out and I ended up laughing so hard I think I hurt my sides. Tyler still looked at me with a very unamused face but very quickly gave up his facade and laid back down and resumed his position on my lap. We continued our fun discussion of how we want our future to be like, what's ideal and what's not, but of course it wouldn't be complete without some light bantering and dragging of each other.

Times like this always reminds me that there are so much more to our lives than fame and fortune. Looking at Tyler's animated feature when he reminisce about our encounters, recollecting all the memorable details and laughing at them was extremely homely. Every time I think about building a lifelong plan with Tyler, my heart gave a jump followed by a comfortable thrum, and the thrumming will slowly grow into a warm content. Happiness.

I looked down again when I heard a soft whimper came from him. He had his eyes closed, his chest breathing even and low breaths while he had one arm rested at his side and the other on his stomach. His nose was creating a soft wheezing sound every time he exhale and I was pretty sure that he was murmuring the steps of the whole winemaking process we did this morning. Really, even in his sleep.

If anybody had the atrocity to ask, I would tell them they are being extremely silly.

I would never trade these for anything.


	36. Chapter 35 - The Storm

_*time jump*_

"Thank you guys so much for making this night so special. Ending my 2020 Tour in Madison Square Garden was really a dream come true, I love you guys so much and I'll see you guys soon! Thank you!"

I shouted to the crowd with the last of my earnest enthusiasm before I rushed towards the barricaded pathway, leading to a velvet curtain which separated the crowd from all the people behind the scene. The whistling cheers and blaring music were slowly fading in the distance as I walked in a quicken pace, feeling a little flabbergasted by the heavy meaning of what tonight had meant.

Tonight, like every other night for the past year, was a tremendous success. My show was once again sold out and everything from the band, the lighting, the sound system, especially the crowd, they have been perfect. Having been traveling around from city to city, country to country in every continent possible was extremely tiresome, but with the outcome like tonight, all the work and effort that were put into it by my crews were extremely worth it. But tonight was the end of my year long tour. That was what separated tonight from the others.

I can't even put words into how liberated I felt when I stepped into the changing room but the liberation was short lived. Once I stepped into the room, a million things were happening at the same time. Firstly I was assaulted by the contrast of the brightness, I had to squint my eyes for a short while before I get my bearings back. Then it was like a war zone. A string of screams erupted in the room and before I had the chance to turn towards the source of the piercing sound, I was attacked by more screams, but now accompanied by things being shoved in front of my face. Notepads, t-shirts, posters, teddy bears, all belonged to my overly excited fans who were hopeful to get a hug and my autographs before the night ended.

It was like this every night. Fans who have won the meet and greet session were always so keen and energetic and I can't help but touched by the level of their enthusiasms. So I would make sure I engaged with each and everyone of them, took selfies and ask how are they, and of course gave them a big hug and thanked them for taking the time to meet me.

After the last fan were politely ushered out the changing room, only then I was able to take in a little breather to calm my adrenaline-fueled rapid heartbeat. Crew members were still coming in, with handful after handful of more gifts and flowers from fans and sponsors, congratulating on the success of my tour. It was humbling to know that though I may have only been in this journey for a couple of years, the amount of faith and support I acquired was considerably greater than my expectation.

"Great job, Troye. You were magnificent, as usual." Emma said and planted a wet peck on my left cheek before unplugging the in-ear monitor from my ears.

I plopped down onto the big comfy couch that I personally requested to have in the room. "Thanks Em! You did a great job too. The crews were great, the venues were perfect. Gosh, I don't think they'll be as perfect as they were if it weren't for you and those hardworking people I have here."

"Oh, Troye. I know I'm awesome like that but you're not so bad yourself. In case you didn't realise, this is the Troye Sivan tour, out there are all Troye Sivan's fans and all these flowers are for Troye Sivan. I guess it's not too much if you take some credit for yourself." Emma sat down on the couch, her thigh touching mine before she shifted and turned towards me. "Troye, you're such a genuine performer. You were great out there. All those people out there, not one of them weren't sobbing when you sang. I'm just lucky that I was part of your team."

"Wow, you're sappy tonight, Em. If I didn't know better I thought you might be captured by aliens and brainwashed. Careful there, you're losing your edge." I teased although knowing full well that she meant every word she said. Being on the road was great but they also meant that I'll be away from home. So my crews are the closest thing I have to family. Emma, although with her wits and sass, she was never too far away and always the first one on my side when I needed something. Like a big sister looking over her brother, despite the fact that she's technically working for me, she wasn't afraid to put her foot down on something she firmly believed in and put me in my place. I love her for that, tremendously.

"Oh, excuse you. I can be professional and be nice at the same time, thank you very much. And now that I'm done being nice, let's get back to being professional. You only have 30 minutes to rest and after that you're up for a string of interviews I've arranged. The journalists are all in the meeting room on 2nd floor." She demanded with a stern voice, but her eyes were sparkling with pride.

"And also, before you drown yourself in these mountains of gifts and flowers from your fans, there's one very special package from a very special fan of yours, whom if I may add, deserves all your attention. I swear, I don't know what he sees in you but he loves you heaps, doesn't he?" She said as she got up and headed for the door.

"I'd love to think that, yeah."

"Then if you ever do something stupid to hurt him, I will personally take the matter into my on hands and I will cut you."

"Hey, no need for violence, Em. Him and I are in a open relationship, haven't you heard?" I joked and ducked my head to the side as Emma took a teddy bear within her arm's reach and flung it at me.

"Emma, no violence!" I giggled uncontrollably as she flashed me a sneer then can't resist blowing me a kiss after. If we don't love each other like siblings, we sure fight like one.

After Emma left to go about her business, I was left alone in the changing room. I let out a long, satisfying sigh before scanning around the room for the package that Emma so kindly reminded me. It was fairly easy to spot. The package was always the same. Always a black 14' by 3' by 3' box, standing alone on the far end desk. Simple yet elegant, with no note or card attached to it, it was all so mysterious but at the same time very telling of the sender. Because what's in it, was a bottle of red. It was nothing fancy but what's significant was the label on the bottle;

 _Rose Gold_  
 _T+T_  
 _2016_  
 _South Africa_

It has been a ritual of ours ever since the start of my tours a couple of years ago. In the last day of my tour, I would be receiving a package like this one as a form of commemoration, a toast to another wonderful and successful show. It was also a way for him to show he still belonged to me. And though he may not be physically here with me all the time, he made up for his absence by reminding me he's always thinking of me.

These bottles had started to be the one thing that I anticipated the most each time I completed a tour. The labels were printed accordingly and specifically to Tyler's request. Each label were mostly similar except for the first line. There has been _Blue Moon_ , _Ocean Eyes_ , _Don't Wait_ and now this, _Rose Gold_. Song names. It took me the second bottle to realise that and once it dawned on me, I felt like I've fallen in love with him all over again. It must be quite a task to search for songs that would encapture the aesthetic of our relationship so well but he did just that.

A couple of months since our return from Cape Town, half a dozen bottles were delivered as promised by the vineyard but Tyler was very mysterious about letting me see them. _It's a surprise!_ He said. Of course I argued and demanded to see them but as stubborn as I am, he was twice as bad. In the end, he won and the bottles never had the chance to see the light of day, until he surprised me with the first black box, exactly like this one, by the end of my first world tour. And the meaning behind each bottle spoke louder than words.

With the bottle in one hand I walked over to grab my phone with my other hand and push the call button. Three rings into it, the call connected and I heard Tyler's voice speaking from the other end.

 _"Hello?"_

"Rose gold, huh?"

He chuckled. _"Not wasting any time with greetings, I see. Well, what can I say? I think the lyrics are beautiful. We would be classic_ and _timeless."_

"Hmm, I kinda like the sound of that."

 _"Kinda? You are so rude!"_

"And yet you still want us to be classic and timeless, anyway."

 _"Yes, but going at this rate I think I may have a change of heart sooner or later."_

"Mathew Tyler Oakley, you're mine, whether you like it or not. And I'm coming home to you in a couple of days, I may know a trick or two to change your indecisive mind back."

 _"Hmmm, now I definitely like the sound of that."_ He said, imitating my words but laced heavily with inappropriate innuendos.

We kept the bantering and light chats for a couple more minutes before the door was once opened again. A head that looked annoyingly like Emma's popped in between and shot me a hurried glare and I knew my time on the phone was up. I said goodbye to Tyler and promised to call him again when I was comfortably back to my hotel room later tonight.

And so I went and fulfilled the last of my responsibilities and charm the pants off of all the people waiting for me on the 2nd floor.

*  
The clock had struck two in the morning when I flung my overspent body onto the tidy, crisp white bed. The interviews took a little longer than expected but it was the last hurrah before I will be make any appearance in the media at least for a few months. Those journalists, they were great. Their questions were really good. I mean, they must be if they want to get pass Emma's screening. Every question that were to be asked were screened before hand and nothing will get the green light without the nod from my beloved, diligent, _exasperating_ Emma. But those interviews wouldn't be as amusing and enjoyable as they were if there weren't any sordid but harmless questions that slipped in once in a while.

 _"So, tell me. Seeing that your songs are solely based on your past experiences, and you've mentioned in your previous interviews that you are much happier than you were back then, does that mean you have someone special in your life right now that has healed all your wounds?"_

 _"Troye Sivan, what's your plan after this? Take a break? Adopt a pet? Or maybe there's someone waiting for you back home?"_

 _"You have been on such a great adventure and you looked absolutely fit. Glowing, even. Please let me have the exclusive on your secret. Was it the product of love?"_

So on and so forth, you get the idea. Luckily I was trained well to deflect any kinds of prying questions but one really caught me off guard when out of the blue, one of the journalist pointed out the blue orchids that I get every night without fail. I just hadn't anticipated _that_ and it took me a second too long to answer him, and by then I couldn't have said anything to wipe that sly, knowing grin off his face. There's nothing I can do but let it slide because one thing I've learnt over the years was the more I deny something, the more excited the media got. Not that it was anything to be concerned about. The blue orchids, in my own assumption, were from a very devoted fan that wanted to show their loyalty to me. Devoted and with a lot of money to spare.

After the bouquets came for about a week nonstop, it got Emma very curious and started googling the said flower. The result from her search was not only they are pretty rare in the world but the nature of the blue orchids are pretty fragile when not placed in their ideal environment. That only meant that the flowers were delivered very quickly to my show every night in order to keep the flowers fresh and blooming beautifully. To be honest, I was touched immensely. I wished there's some way I can contact this fan and thank them personally. That's the least I could do to let my fans know I appreciate them. But as much I would like to do that, they didn't leave any form of contact; the card that came with the flower were always signed _Your only ardent fan_ and that's it. And even after a few years later, the sender still haven't reveal themselves yet. Odd, but not the oddest of my fans, so there's that.

Unlocking my phone and looking at the time, 20 minutes had passed since I came back to my hotel room. I contemplated if I should call Tyler at this hour, but I'm quite positive he'll stay up just because I said I would call, that stubborn boyfriend of mine.

"Hey Ty, baby. Are you already asleep?" I cooed when the call connected.

 _"Oh no, I wasn't. I was waiting for your call because you said you'll call and so here I am, waiting for you to call me."_

His response seemed rather frazzled. I laughed at his rambling nonsense before I spoke again. "Whoa, slow down babe, you sound like a chipmunk that accidentally consumed too much caffeine!" I joked.

 _"Oh, sorry, Troye. My mind was somewhere else and then your call startled me. So it took me a while to-"_

"Tyler, baby.. It's okay. There's no need to apologize, I was just playing." I chuckled lightly to reduce the awkwardness if there's any.

 _"So, how did the interviews go?"_ He asked after a beat and everything was back to normal.

"Oh, you know. Killed them, as usual.. No one can resist my charming personality."

 _"Yeah. That's true."_

That reply was too easy. The effect that his words did to me was equivalent to dripping ice water down my spine. It sent a tiny shock to my system but was over quickly. Maybe I was reading too much into it. It was pretty late after all and I was sure that we're quite tired if not entirely burnt out. But usually that wouldn't stop us from chatting till the wee morning and true enough, we picked our conversation up from where we left off. I told him about how my show went and he talked about how he had to settle a minor fire incident in the kitchen back at the cafe. Hearing his voice was exceptionally soothing, it made me feel relaxed and so at home. _Home_. My heart skipped a beat when I thought about how in a few days, I will be back in Michigan with Tyler. It has been so long since I've touched him, have him wrapped within my arms, nuzzled my nose into his neck and just drown myself in him.

"I've miss you, Tilly."

Instead of a cheeky retort which I come to expect from him every now and then, or simply reciprocating my words, I was met with silence. The ice water started dripping again, the cold prickling my spine like sharp needless.

 _"Troye."_

I tried to suppress any hint of worry in my voice and answered him indifferently. "Yeah, babe?"

After a few seconds that felt like hours, I heard the undeniably somber sigh followed by the equally somber stutter as he spoke.

 _"I can't do this anymore."_

The ice water came pouring down like a bad storm. My body went in an acute shock and I felt like I've been punched in the gut. All my thoughts flashed back to recent events, leafing through them to find something that might have caused this hallucination. Or anything that can explain the nightmare that I was currently in.

"N-no, Ty. No.. Please talk to me. We-we've gone through so much together, what's changed? Why now?" I spoke and by the end of my words, I felt a little dizzy. I didn't know how long I've been holding my breath.

 _"You know why, Troye. It hurts.. It always hurts and.. there's nothing we can do about it."_

"THAT'S NOT TRUE, TYLER!" I shouted into the phone as a rush of anger and hurt overcame me. This isn't like Tyler at all. The Tyler I knew is stronger than this. The Tyler I grew up with would never quit just like that. All our dreams and promises for our future together should be enough of a motivation to get through whatever that was pulling him back. Our love for each other, although it may not be perfect all the time but that's what makes us, us! It took me a few deep breaths to control my raging emotion before I spoke again, my volume significantly lower. "We've been through this, Ty.. Just hang on to Cape Town for a little longer, okay? We're gonna reach it, I promise!"

 _"I'm sorry, Troye."_

No, no, no, no. This is _not_ happening. What has gotten into him?

"Please, Tilly, please.. I heart you.."

And then the call ended. My pleas were unheard. The long dial tone was deafening and I was appalled by how fast the night had changed. _I'm sorry, Troye_. His last words were ringing in my ears and I'm much too stunned to let the actual meaning sink in. My mind was trying to work out what Tyler had asked of me but I feel like my body's physically rejecting it. After the prickling shock had passed, my stomach lurched violently; the warm, putrid taste risen to the back of my throat. With one hand clasped tightly over my mouth, I ran to the bathroom and empty the content of my stomach, heaving and sweating, my vision blurred by the tears that forced their way out.

I spat the last of my vomit into the sink and breathed heavily through my mouth. Tyler's words still swimming in the forefront of my brain like a never-ending horror movie. It kept gnawing and clawing at my skull, I felt as though my head will crack open with the slightest touch.

The absurdity of what happened have yet to fully set in. But looking up and seeing myself in the mirror, it just brought all the ill feelings back. My stomach lurched again and after hurling what was left of my already empty stomach, I broke down. My hands grabbed tightly onto my hair, instinctively wanting to tear them all out to lessen the hurt I was feeling in my chest. Slipping down the wall, I couldn't control the surge of tears streaming down my cheeks. So, I bawled, my body curled up in a ball on the cold bathroom floor.

The sound of something vibrating against the tiled floor woke me up. Tilting my head up, I immediately felt the repercussions of my dreadful sobbing. My head and eyes ache, my throat felt like I've swallowed a mouthful of sand and my body shivering from the cold. I've never felt more tired and lifeless. Who knew crying drains more out of you than performing on stage for hours every night for a whole year. But it's just sad that I've come to have the chance to experience both and got to compare the two.

The vibration intensified and then I realised it was my muted phone that was vibrating on the floor. I sprung up immediately and scrambled to find it, sincerely hoping that it has been Tyler who's calling to tell me it was all false, that has just been the result of lashing out out of stress. Anything. I just want this nightmare to be over, wipe it clean and never look back to this dark time.

Reaching for the phone, all my high hopes was deflated in an instant when I saw that it wasn't Tyler's number flashing on the screen. I hovered my shaky finger over the green button and pressed down.

"Em..." My voice still hoarse. Right after I said her name, I felt the awful clenching starting in my chest and I let out a whimpering sob.

"Emmaaa!" I called out to her louder and my sob turned ghastly, wailing into the phone.

 _"Troye? Troye, what's going on? Are you alright?"_ She sounded very concerned.

"Em! It hurts.. My-my heart, it fucking hurts!"

 _"What? What happened?"_

"Tyler, he.. he said he can't do this anymore!" I told her as I rolled my head back and thudded against the wall. I can hear Emma's frantic footsteps and jiggling of keys through the phone.

 _"Where are you? Are you at the hotel? Stay where you are, I'm coming to get you."_ Then I heard the distinct sound of the door shutting. _"And don't do anything stupid. I'll be there in ten."_

And so ten minutes later, Emma found me exactly where I was when we ended the call; sitting on the bathroom floor.

"Oh Troye, what happened?" She rushed to my side and started to do a thorough search of my body, checking if I have been hurt any where. "And you're freezing! Why are you sitting on bathroom floor?"

"You told me to stay where I am.." I'm surprised at how calm my voice came out.

"This is not the time to be a smart ass, Troye. Come on, let's get you warm."

With my arm draped across Emma's petite shoulders, she dragged me out of the bathroom and sat me on the bed. I was numb and my body felt like it had been through a wreckage. Soreness everywhere, but the numbness that sprouted from my insides and spread across my whole being triumphed. Emptiness.

I barely heard Emma as she carefully placed a hot cup into my hands. "Here, drink this. Careful, it's hot."

I took a sip, it was tea and it was scalding. I felt the hot liquid burning my insides as I took a bigger gulp and swallowed. The burn felt good, at least better than the alternative.

"Troye, what happened?" She asked for the second time in the last 15 minutes.

I looked up to see the worried creases decorating Emma's forehead. I opened my mouth but no sound came out. I winced as I cleared my throat but it protested as a surge of pain came unannounced. The long sobbing and the burn of the hot tea had contributed to the rawness of my throat.

"Tyler broke up with me." I said and the roughness of my voice was eminent.

"I assumed that much but did he say why?"

"He said it hurts to be with me. He doesn't want to do it anymore. I don't know. He didn't really say much else."

"Oh Troye, this is rather sudden."

It was sudden. Too sudden and without the slightest inkling that I would be thrown into this endless loop of emotinal agony. Should there be any and I have missed it, I would use my every waking moment to penalise myself. My body shuddered from the thought of my future without the laughter that would start my day with a smile. Without the lulling comfort of his breathing when I lie awake at night. Without Tyler.

"Troye..." Emma spoke again as she thumbed my cheeks below my eyes, wiping away the tears. I didn't realise when I started tearing up again but it's just that, I was numb.

"Troye, have you talked to him? Like, really talk to him? It was quite out of character for him to spring this on you like this, don't you think?"

"He just said he can't do this anymore."

"Do what? The distance? The secrecy? I mean, there must be something that triggered it."

"I don't know, Em! I just...don't know anything anymore. He didn't stick around to tell me the reason he broke up with me over the phone, okay!?" I shouted the last part and immediately regretted it. Emma looked at me with a disapproving look. With a pursed lips, she got up from the bed and headed to the door.

Great. Now I've ran off Emma too. But before I had the chance apologise, she grabbed her bag from the tabletop beside the door and rummaged through it until she finds her phone and dialled.

From where I was sitting, I couldn't make out what she was saying and who she was having that conversation with. But a few minutes later, she disconnected the call, went to my luggage and pulled out a fresh pair of jeans, a shirt and a hoodie before walking back to me.

"Okay, Troye. You listen to me and listen carefully. One, you're being an idiot if you continue to sit here and drown in self pity. Because from how much you've told me, literally nothing if I may be so rude to point it out, you and Tyler have not have a proper conversation about this _break up_. It's obvious that you haven't done enough to salvage this relationship, you haven't even try for god's sake."

I cringed at the accuracy of her assessment despite the next-to-nothing information that I've rambled to her in the midst of my sobbing.

"And two, this is Tyler we're talking about. The Tyler that wouldn't leave your bed and wouldn't stop reminding you to take your meds when you extracted your wisdom tooth. The Tyler that blew up _my_ phone when he learnt that someone threw a water bottle at your head during one of your show. So this Tyler who said he can't do it anymore, does that sound like the Tyler we both knew and loved?"

Emma's excellent deduction skill had made really good and valid point. With each word, it lifted the numbness from my body and the warmth started from deep in my tummy, slowly but surely spreading and heating up my whole being. The sliver of light started to pierce through the darkness and suddenly I'm able to see much clearer. Hope began to blossom and a few deep breaths later, I look up at her and feeling extremely lucky to have a gem in the shape of Emma by my side.

"So right now, get your ass out of the bed, get yourself clean and change into these." She said as she shoved the fresh clothes into my arms. "I've got you the red-eye flight back to Michigan and the flight leaves in an hour. Go back to him and fight for him. Fight for your happiness. Fight, scream, cry and get crazy mad with each other. Don't stop until you guys end up rolling around in bed naked, then I'll know you've done everything you could and I've once again done my job right. Come on now, chop, chop. You can thank me later."

Amongst all the things that Emma said, one core importance stuck with me and I have never felt more determined to right my wrongs. I shouldn't have taken the easy route and accept defeat like I had. I shouldn't have believed Tyler when even he didn't sound sure of the things he had said to me. If his stuttered word indicated anything it's his love for me. And if there's still last shred of hope left, I should grasped onto it dearly.

Tyler, wait for me. I'm coming back to you.

The first thing that assaulted my senses when I first came to was the haunting silence and chilly air in the room. Blinking my eyes a few times, the fog in my vision started to clear and I looked around the room, trying to take in my surroundings.

I don't know where I am.

I feel the burst of panic started to rise when I realised I was bound to the bed I was currently lying in. All my limbs were tied to each corner of the bed, rendering me helpless. I tried to pull against the restrains, tugging and twisting my hands, desperately wanting to free myself from it. But it was futile. The knots didn't budge and the coarse rope just digged deeper into my skin. The burning welts had formed around my wrists and small droplets of blood began to seep through the redden skin.

I tried to recall what might have happened but the last thing I remembered was Emma rushing me out of my hotel room so I can get to the airport and fly back to Michigan. I also remembered walking out of the revolving hotel door and try to catch a cab. And then I heard someone calling my name and I turned around and..and.. That was it. I didn't even get a look at the person who called me but why couldn't I remember what happened after that?

Just before I could try and recall every little tiny detail of my last memory, I heard footsteps approaching the door. Someone was coming. Soon enough, the door opened and the first thing that came through it was a bouquet of flowers. The blue orchids. The person who came in with it set the bouquet onto the table near the door and turned around to face me.

My eyes widen.

"You!"

"Hello, Troye."

 _ **A/N:**_  
 _ **Whoops! Don't kill me, don't kill me, don't kill me. The story needed the last bang for a drama before we will get to the final chapter.**_

 _ **You guys probably have a couple of questions like;**_  
 _ **1\. What the hell is Tyler thinking?**_  
 _ **2\. How awesome is Emma at kicking Troye's ass?**_  
 _ **3\. Who is that mystery person?**_  
 _ **4\. What do they want with Troye?**_  
 _ **5\. Does anybody realised Troye has gone missing?**_  
 _ **Etc, etc. And if you have more questions, feel free to let me know. And fret not, all will be answered in the final chapter.**_

 _ **So at last, we have come full circle and finally reached the pinnacle point of the story in Prologue. OMG I'm freaking excited for the final chapter and it will be the end of this story. (I'm a little emotional *sniff*)**_

 _ **But just putting it out there, the final chapter will be written in a third person POV and I just wanted to say this here and hopefully it won't be confusing for the sudden change of POV.**_

 _ **So there, please enjoy the storm after the calm.**_

 _ **Cheers!**_  
 _ **Chin**_


	37. Final Chapter - Love

_**A/N:**_

 _ **Ah, finally it's here. The final chapter of Sweet Escape. I can't even begin to tell you how terribly happy I am that I finished my first story ever! And also terribly saddened that this is coming to an end. Such a conflicted feeling! But anyhow, I should give you a fair warning that there will be loads of dialogues in this chapter, but all in good cause as I need to get a lot of explanation out and what better way than to get it across using those dramatic one-to-one dialogues like we always watch on TV? Hehehe.**_

 _ **But oh, also, trigger warnings: mild swearing, stalker behaviour, blackmailing, mention of abuse, mention of homophobia, mention of rape.**_

 _ **So, if you don't mind all of those, please, enjoy the chapter and I hope it is to your satisfaction.**_

 _ **Ps: Huge THANK YOU to AGirlOfManyFandoms2016 for her shoutout in her latest Troyler Au called The Song. The story was incredibly fluffy and sweet and my #fluffgoals obviously. So, go ahead and take a look!**_ __

 _ **Without further ado, ENJOY!**_

 _ **Cheers!**_

 _ **Chin**_

The atmosphere in the room was solemn. The kind of solemnness when you're about to receive bad news but still clung onto the littlest hope that everything will be okay, that there's still chance of light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel. Hushed murmurs and quiet sobs echoed loudly across the room as Steele came in with coffees, grabbed one for himself and another for his mother before setting it down on the small table.

Detective Nilsen had requested the Mellets' presence this morning to give them an update of the situation and prepare them for what's to come. Shaun and Laurelle were seated on the couch, their worried eyes red and tired from the constant sobbing. Steele joined them and pushed a cup of coffee into his mother's hand but Laurelle just grab onto it with little interest. Sage and Tyde were standing behind them like clueless mannequins, not quite sure what to expect but too timid to question anything.

Their eyes all followed the movements of Detective Nilsen as she moved a chair from the far corner and placed it in front of the Mellets. Gripping the case file in her hand, she sat down on the chair and braced herself of five very worried faces in front of her.

"I called this meeting today as a courtesy but more of a protocol on the missing person investigation. It is my duty to inform the family of the victim of our latest search and findings and it is also my obligation to inform you of the repercussions of said findings." She took a deep breath by the end of it and her professionalism was still intact. She had done this enough time to know how they were feeling. It made her heart clench every time but this was how it's supposed to be.

"It had been ten days since his disappearance and seven days since we know he had gone missing. In the usual case of a missing person, the best chance for us to find Troye is when the kidnapper contacts the family members and asks for ransoms. But we haven't heard anything from Troye's kidnapper and we have everything to believe that they won't, not after going by ten days without any form of contact. Mr and Mrs Mellets, in my most sincere opinion and heartfelt honesty, I'm not saying that you should give up hope but I urge you to at least prepare yourself for the possibility that chances of us finding Troye, alive or dead, may be small."

As soon as Detective Nilsen said the last of her well-rehearsed speech, the room erupted with a string of gasps followed by choking sobs that would make the toughest heart weep. The stubborn tears that rimmed Shaun's eyes threaten to fall as he tried to comfort the inconsolable Laurelle. Sage had broken down and was crying on Tyde's shoulder and Steele stayed muted but the tension in his jaw and fisted hands told that he wasn't as collected as he wanted people to see.

Detective Nilsen continued to explain the findings that she and her team had collected over the last few days, going through her case file page by page and showing them some of their highlighted clues and their most probable lead.

As experienced as Detective Nilsen on the missing person investigation, this case had significantly put a dent in her otherwise perfect record. The information that they retrieved from Emma's statement was crucial, seeing that she was the last person to see Troye before he was gone. But as much as Emma had cooperated and give them every little information that she recalled from that night, they were still insufficient to build a case against anybody. The list of suspect was none; the findings didn't point them to any probable suspect, none with strong motives anyway.

This was what had stumped Detective Nilsen the most. After Troye had been abducted, there had been no lead to be followed up; no ransoms, no phone calls, no clues at all. Which led her to believe that this was one of the rare crime of passion. Her deductions had had her believe Troye had been taken away by a fan whom may have suffered from mental illness or a serious case of mad infatuation.

Suspects with mental illness usually followed a pattern but sometimes, as dreadful as it may sound, was quite unpredictable. But one thing they have in common was their vulnerable mind and were easily provoked, which meant that they would be careless, they would and should have messed up somehow and leave trails of clues for the police to find. It's sufficed to say that Troye's kidnapper was none of those. He was precise, eloquent and knew exactly when and where Troye will be.

The surveillance camera outside of the hotel shown that Troye had come rushing out of the door at 4.15am, and by 4.19am a black figure came out from where he was lurking about, in the shadows under a tree not far away. Troye didn't have a chance to see his attacker, let alone struggle as he was very quickly drugged. He collapsed in the suspect's arms before he was dragged into a black car and drove off.

The trail ended when the car drove off to some shady alleyway and with no plate number caught on camera, it was almost impossible to trace where the car had gone. They have questioned every employee of the hotel and rewatched all their surveillance tapes of that night and the weeks before that to see if they can spot any suspicious incidence that occured in and the vicinity of the hotel but their efforts were all in vain. Troye's kidnapper was good, too good even, and Detective Nilsen and her team had done everything they could.

"You know what? I think this is bullshit! There must be something that you haven't done! Something that you must have missed!"

Tyler shouted as he launched himself away from the east wall where he was leaning on.

"We can't just sit here and do nothing other than spewing out a whole lot of bullshit. You can't expect us to just cross our arms together and be okay with it!" He continued as he paced back and forth, his trembling hands run through his already messy hair. "Troye is out there somewhere, alone with his kidnapper for TEN DAYS! He's out there, waiting for us to rescue him and you're telling us to pretend that he's already dead? You are one hell of a Detective. Instead of briefing us with your stupid findings, why don't you make good use of your time and go out there and do your fucking job?!"

Everyone in the room was startled by Tyler's little outburst. Some nodded in agreement but most of them just stayed silent. This kind of behaviour was normal to be expected from the victim's loved ones. It's not the first time they encountered it and most definitely won't be the last.

"Tyler, stop." Emma went to Tyler and placed a comforting hand on his back to try and calm him down a little. "Just calm down. I know you're worried, so do I and everyone else in the room but with you breaking down now won't help. I promise, Detective Nilsen is the best person for the job. She has the highest closed case with lowest mortality."

Still breathing a little heavily, Tyler looked at Emma, his face a picture of bewilderment as he wondered how Emma can be so wise and rationally calm when in reality she was only a couple of years older than him. "Come on, let's go get some breather, alright? Clear your mind for a bit."

Tyler nodded and let Emma ushered him out of the room. They took the elevator to the first floor, heading to the hotel lounge and sat at the very empty bar. Emma flagged down the bartender and ordered a neat whisky before she returned her attention to Tyler.

"How are you feeling?"

"As well as a blind man on a race course." He replied just as the bartender came back with the drink. Emma pushed the glass towards Tyler and he raised his eyebrow at her in question.

"I think you needed some help to calm your nerves."

"No thanks. I'm not really the neat whisky kind of guy."

"Yeah, maybe. But now you are. Drink up."

Looking at Emma's determined expression, Tyler grabbed the glass filled with the amber liquid and took a big swig out of it. He winced as he felt the heat burn his insides but the whisky was not as dreadful as he thought. He took another gulp and waited for the returning burn but it was more tolerable than the first.

"What about you? Here, have some." He offered the glass to Emma.

"Oh, I'm fine. I just don't drink when I'm working."

"But you're not working." He retorted.

"Technically, I am. Troye's my client and I'm his manager. I'm supposed to take care of him but instead, I let him go out alone in the wee hours in that vulnerable state. I just.. I could have prevented this. So until Troye comes home to us, I am still on the clock. I will do everything I can to make sure he comes home to us, to you."

"It's not your fault, Em. If anything, it's mine. Totally and undeniably my fault. I shouldn't have said those things to him. I shouldn't have told him all those awful-"

"Tyler, shush. You are not allowed to beat yourself up over something that you couldn't have foreseen. There's absolutely no way you could have known Troye will be taken."

The silence that followed was surprisingly awkward as both of them realised that they were doing the same thing of consoling the other person and taking the blame for themselves. But what Emma doesn't know was the reason why Tyler had said what he said that night. He wasn't trying to hide it from Emma, but after what happened, he didn't think the time was appropriate.

The truth was, Tyler felt extremely responsible for what happened to Troye. He hurt Troye. He broke the promise that he made to Troye by breaking his heart that night. He's the reason why Troye was vulnerable. Who knows what might have happened but all he knew was that if he didn't breakup with Troye over the phone that night, Troye wouldn't have to catch the red-eye flight back, he wouldn't be on the street that night and the crazy kidnapper wouldn't have the chance to take him.

He was weak. He couldn't withstand the pressure of being with Troye and most of all, he couldn't stand the idea of Troye losing everything he had worked very hard for.

The letters started coming around two years ago. Letters that arrived at his cafe and at his apartment that he shared with Troye. Letters that addressed specifically to Mathew Tyler Oakley, not Tyler Oakley. Letters that told many tales of him, since he was as young as three years old, every little embarrassing and shameful detail in his life growing up as a boy. Tales of his relationship with his father and how they never reconciled after the dark period on his graduation day. Those letters, they also hold many intimate moments between him and Troye, with photos capturing them in their serene satiated state after sex to their happy faces when they laughed at each other's jokes on a casual day.

They were particularly precise, every letter were designed to make Tyler feel uncomfortable at first but then the feeling of uncomfort slowly fester into something worrisome and scary. Like a horror film, slowly building up the paranoia and suddenly twisted into a much deadlier plot before revealing the ultimate motive.

Those letters, they threatened to destroy Troye and everything that he cared for.

Tyler was given a choice, an ultimatum; ignore the letters and they will all be sent out to every media in every corner of the world, exposing every sordid detail of his and Troye's pasts, hence breaking everything that Troye had built for himself.

Or

He could end his relationship with Troye. And in turn would buy the silence of the sender.

He had to do it. He had to break Troye's heart in order to protect everything else. He had to do what he thought was right at the moment, but what he had never anticipated was what he thought was right would lead to Troye's disappearance.

He had forced a terrible choice upon Troye without realising it and now all was lost.

Draining the last drop of the whisky, he threw the glass on the table in frustration and it landed on the bar table with a loud clunk. He needed to get out of here, to get actual breather. He turned and left the lounge in an aimless rush, leaving Emma behind with the bartender and the other patrons in the lounge. When he almost reaches the lobby door, he bumped into one of the officer involved in Troye's case. The force of impact had caused Tyler to knock over the hefty box in the officer's arms, the box he presumed to have contained evidence from Troye's investigation. True enough, mountains of newspapers and magazines came spilling onto the floor and pictures of Troye's angular and handsome face splayed across every front cover. They made Tyler's heart clenched in a painful way and he almost looked away when the headline of tone of the magazine suddenly caught his eyes.

 _ **Troye Sivan's Blue Orchid Lover!**_

 _Sounds of hearts breaking can be heard from both males and females as Troye confirms his status as unavailable via a more subtle way._

 _He had been very secretive about his personal relationship but it's secret no more!_

 _In an exclusive interview with him right after his world tour, Troye had joined us and answered some of our questions and he had so subtly told us about his love interest._

 _When asked about the Blue Orchid and its significance, Troye didn't deny that it came from someone important but his startling response and cheeky smile after told us as much._

Before Tyler had the time to finish reading, he was distracted by images that flashed through his mind like stray bullets fired in the dark. It kept coming and coming, his brain can hardly catch up but the more the images appear, the faster his heart beats and the heavier his breathing gets.

Blue orchids.

* _flash*_

 _"Oh, this is really beautiful. Did you plant them yourself?"_

" _How I wish. Not that I'm a green finger but even if I want to, I can't. The weather is too harsh here."_

 _"Really? That sucks. Troye would have loved these. Blue is his favourite colour."_

* _flash*_

" _You know, Troye and I, we're very thankful for your generosity and discretion. These few weeks here had been wonderful. The breathtaking view and endless supply of red wine, just heavenly."_

 _"Don't mention it. Our fathers were like brothers. It's the least I can do."_

 _*flash*_

" _My family cabin is not far from New York. Maybe if you and Troye wanna stay away from the limelight for a while, just let me know. I'll arrange someone to receive you."_

 _"Oh, I would definitely take you up on your offer someday."_

Tyler felt his knees buckle and he felt dizzy from the onslaught of memories from before. Memories that connected all the dots and completed every missing puzzle that had been bugging him for so long. _Oh God, Troye!_

He snapped back to reality when he heard his name being called multiple times by the young officer.

"Mr Oakley? Oh my god I'm so sorry. I should have been more careful of where I was going. I'm such a klutz. Probably why I'm on inventory duty. Even though I graduated the academy on top of my class but my mom always say book smart doesn't mean street smart and so, here I am, being my klutzy self again and-"

"Stop, STOP! Errr.. Officer..?"

"Oh, right, you don't know who am I. Uh, sorry. I'm Officer Pierce. You can call me Ben."

"Okay, Ben. Listen, I need your help. Do you have a pen and paper?"

Officer Pierce fished out his notepad and a pen with his clumsy hands before Tyler snatched them from him and began scribbling on the notepad. After he was done, he tore the page and shove one piece of paper into Officer Pierce's hand.

"Get this message to Emma, tell her to get the brown box in my closet. There's some letters in there that might be of use to you and your team for your investigation." He spoke like a speeding train, barely catching his breath by the end of it. He then proceeded to tear the second page and shove it into the still dumbfounded officer's hands again.

"And this is the name of the guy whom I think has Troye. Please, get them to your boss and send help immediately."

"What? But..but how? Who? What is going-?"

"Look, Ben. I have no time to explain. I'm going to the place where I think Troye was taken. I've already written down the location but I can't wait any longer. I need to go to him, right now!"

"No, no.. But you can't. Mr Oakley!"

"Ben, listen to me. I need you to trust me and I need you to get this message to your team and send backups. I'm putting Troye's life and now _my_ life in your hands. You are responsible for two lives right now. And Ben?"

"Yes?"

"Don't mess this up."

And with that, Tyler turned on his heels and rushed out the door, leaving a very flabbergasted officer in the lobby, now burdened with two very important tasks. Ben tried taking in all that was thrown upon his shoulders and with a few blinks, he muttered a string of _shits_ and _oh my gods_ under his breath whilst sprinting upstairs to pass on Tyler's incredibly cryptic messages. He prayed to the lords in the heavens above that he's doing the right thing. He really, _really_ can't afford to mess this up.

The sound of cutlery clinking against the flat white dinner plate echoed across the room. Troye was currently seated at the dinner table, his hands and legs were securely tied to the armrests and the legs of the chair. His stomach grumbled as he looked at the knife cutting into a big piece of juicy steak, slicing the meat into smaller cuts and being offered one in front of his mouth.

"Open up, Troye."

Troye shut his mouth in defiant even though his stomach protested.

"Come on, you need to eat. You're practically starving."

Troye didn't want to give in to the temptation. He closed his eyes next, in hopes to convey his rebellion against his captor.

"Oh, Troye. Don't be like that. I've spend a lot of time preparing this feast for us. We have a special occasion to celebrate tonight." He said, his voice casual and friendly.

"Why are you doing this, Charles?"

"Do what?"

"This! All this pretence that I'm not bound in this fucking chair and you didn't kidnap me and kept me here against my will. And that you wanna pretend nothing is wrong and kept on playing house with me!"

"Why I wouldn't say what I did was 'kidnapping' you. Why don't you look at it this way? I'm merely keeping you safe here until I know for sure you won't run away from me." His voice was sultry and calm, it made it all the more eerie.

"You're delusional, Charles. You abducted me outside of the hotel and brought me here, tied me up without my consent and _drugged_ me all the time. Of course I wanna run away from you. You're fucking insane!"

"Now, now. Don't need to raise your voice. You're gonna tire yourself before the night ends. I have something special planned for tonight."

"What happened to you, Charles? This isn't like you. Please stop this. There's still time to undo all of this."

"Why would I wanna undo any of this? I have been waiting for this day a _long_ time. Ever since you came to my vineyard, I had a revelation. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I started imagining us being together, picturing our future, us against the world, and it was a gloriously beautiful. Won't you agree? So I started planning for it."

He placed the cutlery down on the table before turning to look at Troye, his face a picture of excitement as he recalled his crazy scheming.

"The first thing I do is keeping track of all your movements. I know you're a superstar and you're always on the road. But I found a way to overcome that obstacle, pretty easily actually. Who knows a little bugging device will do such wonders!" He chuckled by himself as Troye looked at him with widen eyes.

 _The orchids,_ he thought. That's how Charles was keeping track of him. The orchids which presumably harmless was actually allowing Charles to invade his privacy, every fucking night.

"But of course, I could have chosen any other flowers. I mean, those orchids cost me a fortune but I've been quite fond of the blue orchids myself. I think the meaning behind it is more significant than anything else. Do you know what it signifies?"

Troye couldn't speak. He couldn't process the things that are coming out of Charles' mouth. After a few beat of silence, Charles let out a disappointed sigh before he spoke again.

"Oh Troye, I've spend a lot of money delivering those flowers to you every night in the past years, the least you could do is look it up on Google or something. Aren't you the least bit curious?"

"You can keep those stupid flowers. I don't want them." Troye spat out but his words seemed to have not reach Charles as he continued his own monologue.

"It is the symbol of decadence, elegance and luxury. Just like you, Troye. Every time you're on stage, you are so beautiful, you shine brighter than all the stars in the galaxy combined. Absolutely breathtaking."

"You're sick, Charles. You need to go get help. Your father wouldn't want you to be like this!"

"My father?" He snapped at Troye at the mention of his father. After a short pause, Charles let out the most hair-standing, maniacal laugh Troye has ever heard.

"My _father_ is the reason why I'm like this. He was the most homophobic person I have ever known. The first time I told him I was gay, I was beaten until I passed out because my body couldn't withstand the pain. I woke up the next morning with cuts and bruises all over my body and our family doctor tending to my wounds. I was twelve."

"Since then, he had been trying to 'fix' me and beat the gay out of me. He said it was his duty to protect our family name and keep our blood running longer than my generation. What an utter bull crap. He just didn't want people to know he had a gay son!" He started chuckling again, then slowly turned into a full blown laugh that left him heaving and breathless.

"Oh my, what a great time to reminisce my father's greatest moments. You know, he's the reason why we're celebrating! Tonight is the anniversary of my long-deserved freedom." Troye shuddered as cold chill spread across his body when he looked at Charles and spotted the deranged look swimming in his eyes.

"Tonight, is the anniversary of my father's _death."_

Troye would have gasped aloud if his throat wasn't already so dry. The knowledge of what tonight had meant, together with the fact that Charles seemed to gain satisfaction from his own father's death was frighteningly bone-chilling.

"And oh, his death was recorded as death by internal injuries because he fell down the flight of stairs at our home. The local newspaper, gosh, they should have gotten their facts right. I mean, after the intense fight I had with him that afternoon, when I told him I've had enough of his abuse, he blew up at me and told me he would disinherit me and strip me of my family name. I can't let that happen. I didn't endure all of his bullshit just to be robbed of what's mine!" He said with a raised voice, fist clenched before hitting the table with a loud bang. Then the anger in his face was wiped and replaced with calmness in less than five seconds.

"So, I pushed him. I pushed him and saw his frail body rolled down the stairs, step by step, until he landed on the bottom and everything went quiet. At that moment I felt that the quiet that I've yearned for was finally here. The peace that I've always wished for had finally come true. He can no longer touch me. I am free!" He finished with a wide smile, as if reliving how he killed his father had made him extremely happy again. And that just made Troye more desperate to escape.

"Charles, I'm sorry that those awful things happened to you and nobody came to help you. I really am. But those things have nothing to do with me. Please, let me go."

"Don't you see, Troye? You are the one who helped me. All those years of abuse and loneliness were made much more bearable because of you! When you first debuted, I recognized you immediately. Then when I learnt about your songs, your coming out story, they gave me hope. Because of you, I'm able to learn to accept myself, love myself even. And because of you I know that I'm not crazy or confused or an abomination. God forbid I let my father tells me otherwise!"

His words seeped the coldness into the very core of Troye's being like dry ice, clawing rudely at his every nerve. He felt his desperation growing as his will to be strong wilting away. Exhaustion began to blur his mind, his hopes started diminishing like the light in the sky during dusk, slowly inching into twilight. Tears began to ripple down his sullen cheeks as he begged his captor for some mercy.

"Charles, please. _Please,_ let me go! I don't want to be here. I want to be with my family. Don't you remember them? My parents, my brothers and sister, and Tyler!"

"Tyler? Do you think Tyler cares about you? In fact, do you really think any of them care for you? If they did, why aren't there coming to your rescue, huh? Where are your lovely family and your precious Tyler, huh? I bet they were relieve of finally gotten rid of you and sat around a campfire singing kumbaya!"

Troye whimpered softly. As false as those hurtful words were, they still cause a dark cloud to loom over his head and his heart sank a little.

"There's no one in the world that cares and loves you like I do. Trust me, Troye. I will take care of you and we shall be together and we're gonna be so free and happy!"

"Fuck you! I will never love you. My love already belonged to someone else and it isn't you and it won't be you, you son of a bitch!" Troye shouted angrily, not caring if his words will provoke the mad man further. If he's going to spend the rest of his life with this utter nutcase, he'd rather end it.

In a blink Charles stormed towards Troye and gripped his jaw with a strength that felt almost bone crushing. He was breathing heavily against Troye's face, their distance only inches apart.

"Oh, I know all about you and your precious _Tilly_."

The mention of Tyler's nickname have had Troye's attention.

"Your Tilly is useless, weak! A little threat going his way and he had his tail between his legs, cowering like a wet puppy. He doesn't love you. He broke up with you, didn't he?" Charles let his words set in as he bore his eyes into Troye's crying ones. His other free hand landed on Troye's shoulder, slowly tracing his fingers down Troye's torso. "I, on the other hand, can show you how it would feel to be with a real man." And his hand reached the bottom of his shirt before slithering his fingers upwards to touch Troye's bare skin.

"Please, please, please, Charles. I beg you. Please, don't." Troye had his eyes shut, his mouth never stopped begging for Charles to stop. He was scared of what's going to happen next. The feeling of Charles fingers on him made his empty stomach clench and his skin crawl. He was crying and praying for a miracle to appear, to save him from this animal. Charles continued to trace his disgusting fingers towards his crotch then suddenly, they stopped, then gone.

"Fuck! What a lousy timing. Things were only started to get hot around here." Charles swore as he stood up from where he was crouching and peaked out the window to look at the source of their interruption. Troye literally had no time to think why Charles had stopped because soon enough, he heard it. Someone was here. They finally found him. His heart soared through the air and he felt a surge of adrenaline fuelling up his otherwise tired body. His hopes were renewed and he was more determined than ever to survive and be reunited with his family.

 _"Troye? Troye, are you in there?"_ And his heart sank. _Tyler. No!_

"Wow, I must say I'm impressed. Your precious little boyfriend is here all by himself. Well, wouldn't wanna be rude for not inviting our guest in, right, darling?" He said as he stuffed the dinner napkin into Troye's mouth and went to the drawer in the next room to retrieve a loaded glock.

Troye struggled desperately against his binding, trying to free himself while he screamed for Tyler to run. But all was not heard as his screams were useless against the napkin gagging his mouth. He focused on listening for any sound of struggling but there were none. Not knowing what was going on in the other room was worrying him to no end. He's scared and nervous. The feeling of anxiety crawling out of his skin. Then he saw Tyler walked into the room and he was standing very still at the other end, away from where Troye was.

And with the gun pointed at the back of his head.

"Troye.." Tyler voice was soft. And Troye thought he was imagining things because he'd never think that anyone could still smile like Tyler did when there's a fucking gun pointed at his head. But he did. He was smiling out of sheer relief that he had found Troye alive, despite the circumstances.

When he first made the connection and realised who the culprit behind this whole agenda, Tyler knew he had to to act alone because it'll be a lot faster to get to Troye. So he took a risk to not wait for Detective Nilsen and her team and came as fast as he could.

"Well, well, well. Tyler, I have to say I underestimated you. Didn't think you're bright enough to find us." Charles spoke with a very different demeanor than when he spoke to Troye. Condescending, almost.

"Charlie, Charlie.. Please, let Troye go." Tyler begged. "Please, let him go."

"Well, it's rude to ask such things to your host in the very first minute you're here, isn't that right, Troye, darling?"

"Please, Charlie. Please, I beg you. I'll take his place! And.. And.. I'd do anything you want. Just, let Troye go."

Troye started struggling in his chair again and screamed his muffled pleas for Charles to not hurt Tyler. But that had only earned another laugh that should belong in a mad house.

"Really? You'd do anything? That's either a very brave or very stupid thing to say, depending on how you see it. Sit."

And Tyler sat on a chair, his eyes flicking back and forth between Troye and Charles and kept careful eyes on what the delirious man was going to do next.

"And luckily for me, I came prepared. Couldn't leave it to chance that my plan would be interrupted by little pest like you, could I?" He then produced a clear vial that contained a blue liquid from his pocket and spoke again.

"Here, take this." And threw the vial into Tyler's hand. Feeling the smooth bottle in his hand, Tyler had a bad feeling about what the blue liquid will do. But Tyler didn't have time to worry about that. He'll do just about anything if it ensures Troye's release.

"Well, initially wanted this to come in play later tonight for Troye and I but I guess it will make an earlier appearance now."

"What is this?" Tyler questioned.

"Oh, thought you'd never ask!" The crazy gleam in his eyes returned before he walked over to Troye and release the napkin from his mouth. "That, my dear Tyler, is a drug that would help you dream of the things that you want most. Dreams that make you smile, your heart flutter and make you feel as light as a feather. It will take you to your heaven... and never come back to your pathetic little life."

Tyler knew what that meant and he flicked his eyes from the bottle to Troye. His heart gave a painful tug when he saw Troye's frighten eyes looking back at him. "But what if I don't want heaven?"

The corner of Charles lips lifted up into a sinister smile and in a calm voice, he said, "Then I will bring Troye to heaven with me."

"No!" Tyler and Troye shouted at the same time, even thought they were directed at different things.

"No, Tyler! Don't do it!" Troye then craned his neck to the side. "Please Charles, don't hurt Tyler, please let him go, please, please I beg you. I'll be good, I promise I'll go with you, anywhere you want."

Ignoring Troye's sobbing pleas, he gripped onto Troye's jaw and turned it forcefully to look at Tyler in front of them. "Come on Tyler, show me how brave you are! Show me how far you would go in the name of love! Drink the drug!

"No, Tyler. No!"

"Drink it!"

"Don't, Tyler! Oh God, please Charles. Please stop!"

"DRINK IT!"

Crunching his eyes shut, Tyler took a deep breath and summoned all the strength and courage to place the vial of liquid guilt on his lips.

"NOOOOOO!"


	38. Epilogue

The white clouds were fluffy like marshmallows, decorating the bright blue sky and floating slowly away when the mellow wind blew. Troye was looking at the far horizon, fixing his gaze at the point where the sky meets the earth. The scenery, it inspires serenity, guiding the minds of its onlooker to experience utmost peace and tranquility. If he had to make a guess, Troye would think that this was what heaven must have look like.

Letting out a relaxing huff, he closed his eyes behind his sunglasses and breathed in the fresh Capetown air, allowing himself to absorb the feeling of contentment that his surrounding provided. The heat from the sun and the cool breeze felt incredible against his skin and the sound of the birds chirping away in the far distance was slowly coaxing him to wander into the limbo just before sleep finds him. The limbo was gone and his ears perked up when he heard a set of footstep and the sound of glass clinking coming closer.

He perched his sunglasses up into his messy curls, just in time to see Tyler set two wine glasses onto the small table in between their rattan lounge chairs.

"Hey, you."

Tyler said as he leaned forward to plant a chaste kiss onto Troye's lips. Troye smiled as Tyler's soft lips left his, thanking God every day that he get to taste those lips again, now more frequently and freely than ever before. He had long memorised the shape of those perfect lips, imprinted the feeling of those lips against his, but every time he get another taste, it always left him wanting more.

After the incident with Charles, the feelings that he gained from that awful experience confuses him immensely for a short period of time. Despite the bad memory and an occasional nightmare, it also gave Troye something else. It taught Troye the true meaning of love and helped him to recognise his foremost priority, the one thing that he can't lose and the one thing that he can't live without.

Coming so close to losing the one thing that made him complete, it was a wakeup call for Troye. After Tyler was being cajoled and pressured into drinking the unknown drug, Troye really thought that he was going to lose Tyler. But just a minute second before Tyler started pouring it down his mouth, they heard a voice spoke through a loudspeaker from outside, telling Charles to surrender and that the cabin had been surrounded by the NYPD.

Charles looked shocked, it wasn't a face of surprised nor it was angry. But as the shock lifted, he let out a snicker before he shrugged and took out another similar vial from his pocket. Raising his vial, he said to both Troye and Tyler, _To heaven_ , before downing the blue liquid until none left, and soon his body collapsed onto the floor, his face relaxed and a drop of blood dripped out from the corner of his smiling lips.

Seeing what the liquid could do to a man in such a short amount of time was impossibly frightening. Tyler quickly threw the vial away like he had been burnt and rushed over to Troye to help him get out of all those ropes, all the while rambling _Oh my god Troye, you're okay_ in between sobs. He was a complete mess but felt extreme relief that the nightmare was finally over. Troye on the other hand was overwhelmed by everything that has happened to him over the past few days. But mostly, he was overwhelmed by the showcase of love by Tyler.

 _"Tyler, you fucking idiot!" Troye sobbed and shouted at Tyler and Tyler shushed him with a kiss. A kiss that spoke a multitude of emotions that made both of them cry even more. They kissed, and kissed, deep and passionate, not caring one bit about their surroundings, not the blinking lights of red and blue, not the handful of cops coming in and out, falling into their protocol of securing the crime scene and most definitely not the surreality of dodging death by a hair's breadth, because for them nothing else matter._

 _"You almost drank it, you insufferable idiot! You almost drank the poison for me! Why are you so stupid? You're such a jerk for scaring me like that but I love you, you stubborn fool!" Troye cried out his rambling, even the heavy breathing and hitched sobs couldn't stop him._

 _"I'm sorry, Troye. I shouldn't have lied to you. I-"_

 _"I know, baby, I know." Then they kissed again, but this time the kiss was simple and sweet but mostly the kiss was a promise, a promise to each other that they will never part again._

"So, what are we celebrating, Ty?" Troye asked.

"Who said anything about celebrating anything?" Tyler answered cheekily and grinned slyly at his boyfriend.

Troye returned his grin and gestured towards the empty wine glasses on the table.

"Well, I won't say we're celebrating because we haven't got anything to celebrate, yet." Then Tyler began searching for the box that he had hidden under Troye's lounge chair just before he sat down just now. "Well, I thought it's time we drink the last bottle of the wine that we made. I'd love to think that we've braved through so much and finishing this would be pretty symbolic, like we're finally putting everything in the past and start anew again."

Th experience in the cabin had also taught Tyler some important lesson. He came to realised that he had let his past and his fears control him. And that he had let his ghost haunt him for far too long. They had crippled him and led him to make decisions that caused hurt and pain to the person that he loves. So he let them go and embraced his fear and insecurities with open arms. He is free, at last.

Taking out the bottle of redwine out of the black box, he placed it into Troye's hands and waited. Troye sat himself up while taking a look at the label and this time, the label said, _forhim_.

"Now before you say anything, I know the lyrics said _you don't have to say 'I love you',_ but to be fair, I got this printed before I started saying 'I love you' again instead of 'I _heart_ you'. So, the song is still good!" Tyler said sheepishly and pink blush started to decorate his cheeks as Troye locked his gaze at him.

"Well, don't just look at me, open the bottle!"

Troye chuckled and let his fingers grazed over the bolden letters on the label before tearing the foil at the neck of the bottle. Once that was done, Tyler hands him the corkscrew and uncork it with ease. Filling the wine glasses to half full, he handed one to Tyler and one for himself and lifted it to his mouth before Tyler stopped him.

"Wait, wait. Shit. Uhm, hold on." Tyler said as he placed his glass back onto the table before grabbing the corkscrew and unscrewed the cork.

Troye looked at him with puzzled eyes but he got more puzzled when Tyler shoved the cork into his hand. Looking over to him one last time, Troye lifted the cork and was feeling determined to find out the reason to Tyler's curious behaviour. Rolling the cork in between his fingers, he didn't notice it at first because the color of the word was half blurred by the wine. Then suddenly the one, simple word materialised and glared at him like neon lights, he gasped.

"So, how is this compared to your boyfriend proposal?" Tyler said cheekily although he tried very hard to hide the hint of nervousness in his voice. But the nervousness began to multiply very quickly as moments passed in silence.

Troye looked at the word and then looked back up at Tyler, his mind still reeling from the surprise and couldn't form a reply. And so he rushed over to Tyler and straddled him on the lounge chair and kissed Tyler as passionately as he can, so that whatever feelings that he failed to put in words, the kiss will do it for him. As they continued to indulge in their heart-fluttering kisses, the wine and everything else was long forgotten, and so was the cork. It rolled and rolled on the floor until it loses its momentum, and when it stopped, the word _Husband_ was glinting brightly as the sunlight shined upon the undoubtly promising word.

Maybe home is nothing but two arms holding you tight when you're at your worst. Or maybe home is nothing but a sense of warmth when someone is tickling your arm, telling you all the things that make you feel at ease. But whatever home is, it should make your heart keep beating faster for it and it should be something that you look forward to come back to, no matter how sweet the escape is.


End file.
